Luck and Fate
by timeluck
Summary: There are times when you have to stop and decide what type of person you are. Are you someone who thinks things happen because people get lucky or are you someone who believes things happen for a greater reason?
1. Coincidence

I had been really excited when I learned that I had gotten the job in Los Angeles. But unpacking is just as fun as working at a library, so I kinda wish I were back in Boston right now in my very tiny but somehow very comfortable dorm.

Just two months ago, I was still a college student. One of my professors had gotten the word out that I was graduating top of my class with a music degree, so I started getting a few calls from some small New York and Boston record companies wanting me to intern for them. I was over the freaking moon with their offers. I would of said yes to the first one if my professor hadn't advised me to wait. It's a good thing he did too because a week later, just when I was about to take an intern position in Manhattan, I got a call from Interscope Records. They offered me an entry job as an assistant producer at their recording studio in Los Angeles. To be honest, I was a little surprised that they were willing to give me an actual job, since I hadn't even graduated college yet. But they said they had gotten their hands on some of my recordings from school and that had been enough for them, so I just went with it.

This is my second week in Los Angeles. My job sucks so far. My boss, Steve, isn't that bad but I'm pretty much his bitch. It's okay though; I don't plan on being an assistant forever. I'm going to make my way up the ladder. I'm not going to be fetching coffees and making copies all my life. I belong at the top, making the big bucks. I need to be making artist, not iced coffees.

"Hey!" A voice rings through the flat after the front door slams shut.

That would be my best friend Adam. I really hate when he shuts the door like that or when he leaves the toilet seat up or when he doesn't wash his dirty dishes or leaves his wet towels on the bathroom floor. He really reinforces the fact that I like girls. Sometimes I even forget he's gay. He's so messy and unorganized that he might as well be one of those gross frat guys. But this _is_ his place, so I just keep my perfect lips sealed.

He peeks his head into my bedroom. "I can't believe you're still unpacking! It's been two weeks!"

"I've been busy. Steve has been giving me so many crap songs to edit lately. I feel like I'm still in school."

I met Adam and his boyfriend, Jax, back in college. They graduated a year before me and moved to Los Angeles, Adam to be an architect and Jax to be a chef. They're both great at what they do, so they have more than enough to afford this great apartment with an extra room that they were nice enough to let me stay in while I find a place of my own.

"It'll pay off, you'll see. But for now, I want you to join me and Jax this weekend."

"Where are you guys going?"

"We're driving to Salton City with some friends. It'll be fun."

"I don't know," I say. I've never been much of a people person. Plus, I heard Salton is extremely hot. LA heat is bearable, but I think I'll melt in Salton. I hate the heat.

"Come on Santana! You need to make more friends."

I wince my right eye as to show I'm not really convinced. "Isn't it really hot over there?"

"Well yeah…but we're going down to a lake. You can go swimming and we're taking the Jet Ski," he says, attempting to make the offer sound more appealing.

I don't say anything for a while and continue pulling out things from my suitcase.

"So you'll come?" Adam asks.

"Jax won't mind?"

"Of course not. It was actually he who wanted to invite you."

I sigh. Jax is kind of obsessed with me. I don't blame him but it can get irritating at times. He's been with Adam since they were in high school and they're practically still attached at the hip. It's sickening sometimes.

I hang the last of my designer jackets in my closet and turn to him. "In that case, count me in."

"Awesome! Don't forget to get a bikini wax this time."

I furrow my brows and drop my jaw before yelling, "Get out!"

Two days later we make the three-hour drive to Salton City. As soon as I step out of the cool car interior and into the scolding city, my skin begins to get sticky. It might sound like I'm exaggerating but it really_ is _hot. I grab my bag and quickly make my way into the crap-looking motel.

"So apparently we're staying at the Love Shack," I tell Adam as he and Jax walk up to me.

He smiles. "It's the only motel around here."

"But we can make it into a love shack if that's what you want, baby." Jax slaps my ass playfully and smirks.

"Hands off," I say.

After we get settled into our room, I slide my laptop out from my bag and begin editing some songs while Adam showers and Jax fixes his hair to perfection. Steve assigned me five songs to edit over the weekend. The bastard isn't even going to do anything with them. He just makes me edit them so I can get some _practice _and then looks them over and critics my damn faults.

Adam steps out from the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist, displaying his perfectly waxed and muscular chest. He's staring and scrolling through his phone. "Hey," he says as he walks over to me. "You should change clothes before we go out to eat. The girls and boys are already here and are going to meet us at the diner." He holds his phone up to my face to show me the text.

"Okay," I tell him, not really caring to look at the message. I close my laptop and pull some fresh clothes from my duffle bag. "Do I have time to take a quick shower?"

Adam shakes his head. "They're already waiting for us."

I grunt and proceed to slip out of my sweaty clothes.

We walk down the street to a diner that looks just as crappy as our motel. As we're about to walk in I think about how I wouldn't be surprised if I found a roach in my food but as soon as we step in I fall in love with the place. It feels 50 degrees cooler in here and that's all I need to be happy right now. And even though the place is a whole on the wall, it's pretty neat and clean inside.

A group of people waves us over from a large booth by the window. There are three of them, one girl and two guys.

"Hey guys!" Adam and Jax greet them with smiles.

Adam places a hand on my back and gently pushes me forward just enough for everyone to turn their attention towards me. "This is our friend Santana. She just moved to Los Angeles."

"Hi," I give them a tight sealed smile and a small wave.

They all introduce themselves and seem fairly nice. They do a great job at making me feel part of the group.

When the waitress comes to take our orders the girl sitting next to me speaks up.

"Hey guys, is it okay if we wait five more minutes? My friend is just around the corner. She'll be here any minute now."

We all agree to wait. Apparently, her friend is also new to the group and is running late because she got lost driving on the highways.

Ten minutes pass and even though no one says anything I can see it on their faces that they're starting to get restless. Just then, someone bursts through the entrance.

The girl looks like freaking Sailor Moon. Her hair is styled in two ridiculous pigtails and she's wearing short jean shorts with red cowboy boots. She spots us and begins making her way over to the booth.

I turn to Adam, ready to make a comment about her outfit, but as she comes to a halt in front of us my heart shrinks. I stare up at her and she stares right back at me, her smile fading. It suddenly feels as if I'm out in the heat again and my body begins to sweat all over. I swallow audibly and continue to stare at her.

"Hey Brittany!" chirps the girl next to me. "Everyone, this is Brittany, Brittany this is everyone."

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**It's a short one but it's a test run to see if someone likes it. Please review if you did.**

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	2. Hello Again

Brittany breaks eye contact with me momentarily to look around the table and greet everyone.

I have no idea what to do. I mean what _do _you do in this type of situations? Should I pretend like I don't know her? Would she follow along? Or should I ask her how she's been this past four years. That would mean having to explain to everyone how we know each other. No way am I telling the story of how she dumped me to people I just met.

When she looks at me again, I quickly offer her my hand. "Santana."

She seems confused but after a moment shakes my hand anyway. "Nice to meet you."

Her touch makes my hand twitch and I quickly pull it away from her. She squeezes into the booth taking a sit next to Jax.

"I love your boots," he comments.

Brittany flashes him a grin. "Thank you." She glances at me and I immediately look the other way.

When we finally get our food everyone eats in a comfortable silence. I think they were so hungry that no one is really interested in talking. I had been just as hungry as them until I saw Brittany standing no more than three feet from me. I would of just ordered another glass of water if it wouldn't have earned me some questions.

I feel Brittany's eyes on me and it makes me extremely nervous, not to mention self-conscious. I constantly wipe my mouth with my napkin and make sure I don't drop any food on myself.

After we finish lunch, we stay to have a few more drinks. I find out Brittany is also living in Los Angeles and is working at a dance studio.

"Hey, you okay?" Adam asks as he rubs my back. I flick my eyes up at Brittany, who is watching us with curiosity. "You've been kind of quite. Which isn't very like you," he chuckles.

I smile at him. "Yeah I'm fine. I think this weather and the drive wore me out a little bit."

"What do you think guys? Should we head back to the motel and rest before we go out tonight?" He asks.

The group agrees. We all split the check and walk back to the motel. As we walk back up the street, I make sure I stay close to Jax and Adam. I would hate to get awkwardly caught near Brittany.

When we regroup at the Love Shack, we agree to meet in the parking lot at eight and I avoid Brittany's stare one last time before I follow Jax and Adam down to our room.

"What's up with you?" Adam wonders as he takes his shirt off and tosses it over a chair. He really enjoys being shirtless.

"Nothing?"

"You were acting weird at the diner."

"Was I?"

Jax collapses on one of the beds. "Yes you were. And you couldn't keep your eyes off of Brittany. I only know because I thought you were looking at me but after I winked at you a few times and you didn't react, I realized you were staring at her."

Adam laughs.

"I wasn't staring at her."

"Yes you were," Jax continues. "Do you like, have a little crush on her?"

I sit on my bed and let my upper body fall back on to the mattress. "Do you guys remember back in college, I told you about the girl I had been with through out high school?"

"The '_love of your life?'" _ Adam says jokingly as he looks at himself in the mirror.

"Oh my god!" Jax props himself on his elbows. "She's _that_ Brittany?"

I don't respond and instead hide my face in the crook of my elbow.

"Santana?" Adam questions my name in a serious tone.

"Yeah. That's her."

"No fucking way!" Jax jumps off the bed and comes sits next to me. "Why did you pretend you didn't know her?"

"I don't know. I panicked. I didn't want to tell everyone who she is...or was."

"Do you want to go home? We can leave if you want." Adam offers.

"No." I say, sitting up. "No, I don't want to ruin the weekend. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Jax places a comforting hand on my shoulder. I love these guys. I really do.

"Yeah, totally. I don't hold anything against her. I'll just talk to her. It'll be fine."

"You know Santana, maybe this was meant to be."

Adam rolls his eyes. "Oh please Jax! Don't start with that."

"Adam, shush! It's been what? Almost five years since you guys saw each other? Don't you think it's crazy that you guys ended up in the same place? Maybe you're meant to be together one way or another."

"It is crazy," I say. "But I don't believe in that 'meant to be' stuff. I like to think I make my own fate. If life is already planned for us then what's the point of living."

"Exactly," Adam agrees.

"Plus, it doesn't change the fact that she dumped me. What's done is done."

Jax sighs in resignation.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in our room. The AC feels great in here and it makes me not want to ever go back outside, that and other… _reasons_.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to stay in."

Adam turns to look at me from his bed. "Because of Brittany?"

I scoff. "Of course not. I just don't feel like going out there. It feels great in here. Why would I want to go to some hot sweaty club in the middle of the desert?"

Adam doesn't answer, which is his way of saying 'whatever'.

Once they leave, I turn on the T.V. but I'm not really watching. I'm lying on my bed thinking about how I'm going to make it through this weekend. What I told the guys earlier is true. I don't hold any resentment towards Brittany. I did for a while but I had to get over it. I realized it was going to be really unhealthy if I hated her for the rest of my life, which is kind of impossible anyway. I could never hate her. I've changed and grown since high school. I'm not a completely different person but I do see some things differently now and I've learned to let go.

One of the things that haven'tchanged is the way Brittany makes me feel. You'd think after all these years, seeing her wouldn't affect me but it does. On second thought, it's actually stupid to think it wouldn't affect me. Of course it would. We have history together, an amazing loving history for the most part. She gave me feelings that no one else has giving me ever since and she still does. When she looks at me my heart speeds up and I feel like a stupid nervous middle school kid. She hasn't even really talked to me and I'm about ready to have a heart attack.

I won't, in a million years, admit this to anyone but it's obvious I still love her. I have to be honest with myself and admit that I never stopped loving her and never will. She was it for me. Even if I end up falling in love with another woman, part of my heart will always be reserved for her and that makes me a little angry. I wish I could give myself completely to someone and be happy. But I will never be truly happy. Not with out her.

My head spins with thoughts until I fall asleep. When I wake up the next morning, Jax and Adam are eating breakfast on their bed.

"This dump has room-service?" I ask as I rub the sleep from my eyes.

Adam shakes his head. "I wish. We got this from the diner. We got you a fruit salad." He hands me a small plastic box.

"Thanks. How was last night?"

"It was so fun! You totally missed out," Jax says before biting off a piece of bacon.

"That's not what she really wants to know." Adam smirks. "She asked where you were."

"Who?" I try to sound oblivious.

"C'mon Santana. I know you better than that."

I roll my eyes. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her you didn't want to come out from your ice box room because you can't take seeing her pretty little face."

"What?" I snap into a sitting position.

"I'm kidding. I told her the truth, that you weren't up for it… that _is _the truth isn't it?"

I nod. "Yeah, it is."

When they finish breakfast, we go down to some lake that's just a few blocks away. This time there is no way I could get out of going, so I change into my bikini and throw some shorts and a tank top over it.

When we get to the lake Brittany and the rest of the group are already there so I keep busy by helping Jax detach the Jet Ski from his truck.

It's not long before I feel a light tap on my shoulder and turn to see Brittany smiling softly at me. "Hi."

"Oh, hey," I say. My palms begin to instantly sweat and I drop the huge screw I'm holding. "Shit," I whisper as I bend to pick it up.

Brittany watches me with amusement. "Need any help?"

I look back at Jax who's smiling knowingly as he finishes unloading the Jet Ski. "Looks like we're good."

"How have you been?" she asks.

"Um…good. Great." I nod. "Yeah. You?"

I wish she'd stop smiling. She's looking at me like she used to when she thought I was doing something cute and it's making me really nervous.

"I've been good. I heard you graduated top of your class. Congrats."

"Thanks." I feel heat creeping up my cheeks and the stupid weather isn't helping. "Who told you?"

"Adam."

"Of course."

"He's really nice. His boyfriend too."

I look over my shoulder at Jax but he's gone. That idiot left us alone. What a friend. "Yeah they're both amazing."

"So are you gonna take a ride on this thing?" She points at the Jet Ski.

"Maybe later," I say. There's an awkward silence and I search my brain for anything to break it with. "I'm sorry I acted like I didn't know you." I wish I hadn't said that. If she hadn't brought it up yet then I should of left it that way. I really don't want to get into any type of discussion about us with her. All I want to do is try to have some fun with my friends and go home.

The tiny smile on her face fades and she looks at me with sad eyes, like she had forgotten about it until now. "Oh, that's okay."

"I was just really surprised to see you and I didn't want everyone asking questions about us," I say trying to explain myself.

"Yeah, I understand. Don't worry about it."

"Santana! Brittany!" Adam waves us over from a picnic table before we can get further into the topic.

When we reach him, I notice he's unloading food and drinks from a cooler.

"When did you get all this?"

"This morning while your Sleeping Beauty ass was passed out."

Brittany chuckles and my cheeks go from feeling warm to sizzling.

"Go ahead and grab whatever you'd like, ladies," he offers.

I grab a sandwich and a beer and quickly head off towards Jax leaving Brittany behind.

As the day goes on, Brittany keeps her distance. I think she got the hint earlier when I ditched her by the picnic table and even though I feel bad about it I'm thankful she hasn't tried to talk to me again. The sun is starting to die down but lying here under its last rays feels so soothing that I don't want to get up. I didn't go swimming, but I did tan all day and I'm pretty damn happy with it. It's times like this that I am extra thankful for my dark skin because the sun was crazy hot and anyone with light skin would be as red as a tomato right now, which is practically everyone here except for Jax. I chance a look over at Brittany who is lying flat on her back on a towel a few feet behind me. She has her sunglasses on and her body still looks like that of a damn goddess. Her right leg is slightly bent and makes it look like she's posing for some sexy magazine photo shoot. Her skin seems to be turning a little red and I know she forgot to put on sun block. I really want to tell her something because I know she will get a really bad sunburn and her skin is going to hurt for days but it's too late anyway. She's been out in the sun way too long already.

"Hey, Santana?" Jax walks up to me sporting a perfect tan just like mine. "Do you want to take the Jet Ski for a ride before I pull it out of the water?"

I think about it for a moment. Jet skiing is really fun but the last time I got on one I fell off the stupid thing and it had been really embarrassing, not to mention painful. I would hate to make a fool out of myself in front of people I barely know and most importantly Brittany.

"I'll pass."

"No you won't!" Adam yells as he walks out from the lake with his beautiful light tan. He isn't red or overly burnt like the rest of them because he buys this weird expensive sun block that he found during a trip to Italy. "We're not dragging it out until you get your turn."

"Adam," I start.

"I'll get on with you, if you want," Brittany says in a voice that is barely audible.

I know I told Brittany the story of when I fell off the Jet Ski back in high school and knowing her she still remembers it.

"See? You don't have to go on alone. Don't be scared," Adam teases.

"I'm not scared, you idiot."

"Climb on then." He grabs me by the hand and pulls me towards the water.

I notice Brittany walking towards us and before she gets close enough to hear I whisper, "Adam I don't want to get on with her. Can you climb on with me?"

"No, that's rude," is all he says before he slides a life vest on me and hands one to Brittany as she reaches us. "Have you ever been on one of these Brittany?"

She shakes her head no.

"Okay, you should let Santana ride in front then. Well it's not like you'll be any safer, she fell off the last time she drove one but I think she likes to lead."

I feel like punching Adam on his big fucking nose until I turn to look at Brittany who's giving me a reassuring smile. My face softens and I look away before I start to blush like I've been doing lately.

When we finish fastening our vests, I climb on the Jet Ski followed by Brittany.

"You'll want to hold on tight Brittany," Adam says suppressing a laugh.

I glare at him and turn the ignition key. The Jet Ski roars with life and I feel Brittany's long arms snake around my waist. I get the chills, suddenly becoming extremely aware of everything around me. I can smell her damp hair and feel pressure on my back as she leans into me just a little to secure her grip around me. As I drive us away from the shore, she grips me tighter and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Not because she's squeezing the air out of me but because having her this close to me again feels asphyxiating. I secure my legs against the Jet Ski and make a sharp turn, which causes Brittany to squeal and hide her face between my shoulder and neck. It makes me smile, so I do it again, earning another adorable squeal.

"Hold on!" I yell over the sound of the water splashing beneath us.

I feel her nod against my neck and I start to pick up speed. She lets out a loud yell mixed with a laugh right by my ear. If it had been anyone else I would of pushed them off into the cold water for yelling in my ear but I find it awfully cute when Brittany does it. I laugh along with her and make a few more fancy turns before I get us back to shore. Jax and Adam are waiting for us with huge grins.

"Fun right?" Adam asks Brittany.

"Yeah! That was super fun!" She says hopping off. "You're a great driver San."

I feel my heart flutter at the sound of my nickname.

"Yeah. Who knew, _San_," Adam jokes.

On our way back to the motel, we pick up some cheeseburgers and decide to eat them in the motel's parking lot. Jax opens the back of his truck and I hop on, taking a sit next to him. I'm so focused on how incredibly delicious the burger is that I don't notice Brittany is standing two feet in front of me, eating her burger as she watches me enjoy my own. "It's good, huh?"

I look up and see her chewing with a smile.

"Mhm," I mumble.

She shimmies her butt on to the truck next to me but doesn't speak again. From the corner of my eye, I watch as she swings her legs back and forth. She's really enjoying her burger. I can tell because whenever she eats something she really likes she wiggles like a child. She moves her head from side to side, swings her legs, or even does this cute little dance with her shoulders. I hide a smile and return my attention to my food.

When we all finish eating, we call it a night and go back to our rooms. We will be leaving early morning tomorrow because Adam has some stupid architect convention he needs to get to.

It's almost 11 p.m. and I can't sleep. As good as that burger was, it's doing stuff to my stomach and making it do weird noises. I grab my laptop off the coffee table and sneak out the room. This place is an oven during the day but right now it's as fresh as it can get. I grab some ice from the ice dispenser and pop it in my mouth before I sit down on the little bench next to it. I still have to finish editing the songs Steve assigned me so I get to work.

Twenty minutes pass and I'm getting a lot of it done. The stillness out here relaxes me and allows me to really concentrate on my work. I can't wait until Steve gives me some real valuable work though.

Brittany steps out from her room and pauses when she sees me.

I smile. "Hi."

"Hey." She returns the smile and proceeds to scoop some ice from the ice dispenser.

"Are you girls making drinks in there and not inviting the rest of us?" I joke.

"I wish. All we have is that nasty tap water." She squeezes next to me on the bench and looks down at my laptop. "What are you doing?"

I shrug. "Editing some songs for my boss."

"Your boss Steve?

"How did-" I pause. "Adam told you."

She smiles and nods. "Are you almost done?"

"Yeah. Almost."

Brittany stares at the ice inside her cup. I know she's thinking twice about saying what she's about to say.

"I didn't tell you earlier, but you look really great," she says keeping her eyes on her cup.

I turn to look at her, taken aback. "Thanks. You too. You look great too."

There's a short silence before she speaks up again.

"I had a lot of fun on the Jet Ski."

"Me too."

"You're a great driver. I don't understand how you fell off when you went on vacation with your parents."

My lips twitch into a smile. I knew she remembered.

"Neither do I. I mean, like you said, I'm an excellent driver."

"I said great."

"No, I'm pretty sure you said excellent."

She chuckles and doesn't try correcting me again.

I take a moment to examine her face and notice she's a shade redder than before.

"You're going to be pealing by tomorrow afternoon."

"What?"

"Your skin," I say, pointing at the skin her tank top is exposing.

She looks down at herself and winces. "I know. I forgot to put on sun block."

That used to be my job. I was the one who had to remind her about the sun block.

"You look like a little pink shrimp." A shy smile spreads across her face. "Well maybe more like a little red crab."

She suddenly looks up and locks eyes with me. I flinch and I wonder if the crab comment bothered her.

"I really missed you," she says in a whisper.

I want to smile at that but the way she said it and the way she's looking at me makes it seem like this might head into a serious conversation and I don't want to go there.

My eyes move back to my computer screen before I say, "Your ice is going to melt."

Brittany lets out a sad sigh. "Yeah." She stands up and switches the ice for a fresher scoop. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

I nod. "Good night."

"Night, San."


	3. Back To Basics

It's Friday night and I'm exhausted. Steve hasn't only made me make copies for all of Los Angeles and edit every wannabe's music but now he has me following him like a puppy dog to all his meetings.

I haven't heard from Brittany since our trip. It's not like I'm waiting for her to call me- well I am. Before we left Salton we exchanged numbers and she said we needed to keep in touch. I agreed, but she should know me enough to realize I'm not going to call first, so either she calls me or we're not going to talk until we run into each other again.

The thing is, I have huge pride issues and that's why I refuse to call her, but I really want to just throw that out the window, pick up the phone and dial her number. It's probably a bad idea though. I can't get too close to her. Keeping her at a distance is the best thing to do right now. If I start letting her in, I know I'm going to get attached again. I could easily fall back into being her best friend if that's what she wanted. And that would be great except for the being in love with her part.

My bedroom door swings open and Adam's head pops in. "Hey are you going to have dinner with us?"

"Have you ever heard of knocking? I know this is your place but what if I were naked or something?"

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." He smirks. "So dinner?"

"Sure."

Jax prepared one of his most famous dishes tonight. It's some kind of Indian food with ingredients I haven't even heard of before so I'm not going to bother trying to name them. What's important is that the thing is delicious. As we dig in, I notice Jax flicking his eyes between Adam and me.

"What?" I ask casually.

He shrugs and shakes his head simultaneously.

I roll my eyes. "Cut the crap."

Jax puts his fork down and swallows the food in his mouth. "I was just wondering how you're doing with Brittany?"

"How I'm doing with her? What do you mean? I haven't talked to her since we got back."

"He thinks you're still into her." Adam pipes up.

My eyes dart nervously around the table. "Why would you think that?"

"Jax is a hopeless romantic. You know that. It's just one of his crazy ideas."

"It's not a crazy idea," Jax defends. "I'm really good when it comes to these things. And I could tell you still have feelings for her."

"But I don't."

Jax is good at these kind of things, so I know I'm not going to be able to hide the truth from him. I don't know how he does it but he can see right through people. And he's always so open about his own feelings. In some ways, he reminds me of Brittany.

"Are you sure? It's okay if you do. It's understandable."

That last part interested me. "Why would it be understandable?"

"Well you didn't break up with her. She broke up with you, meaning you still loved her when she ended it, right? Did you ever stop loving her?"

"Just drop it, Jax," Adam says. I know he noticed my discomfort earlier and is trying to help me out. He and I have a lot in common. We're much more private about the way we feel.

"But babe, don't you see? They've been away from each other for so long and now they have a chance to be together again. It's fate."

"She just told you straight out. She doesn't feel anything for her anymore."

As I watch the two argue about Brittany and me, I can feel my hands becoming clammy at the thought of getting back together with her. It hadn't crossed my mind before. I honestly thought I would never see her again. But now I can't help and wonder if she's thought about me during these past few years. How would she react if I confessed that I still loved her?

"I mean, I know she has a boyfriend but if she still loves Santana it wouldn't be right to stay with him right?"

"She has a boyfriend?"

They both pause to look at me.

"She didn't tell you?" Jax asks.

"No. We didn't really talk much."

"Oh. I'm so sorry Santana. I didn't know."

"No..I- that's okay. I'm glad I know. I could've done something really stupid."

"What do you mean?" Adam asks.

"'Nothing.. I-"

Adam's eyes widen in realization. "Santana?"

I swore I would never tell anyone how I truly feel about Brittany but these are my friends. I know I can trust them with my life..or any secret. Plus I'm going to need as much advice as I can get now.

"I never really stopped loving her." I whisper. "No one can just suddenly stop loving someone right?" I say trying to make myself sound less pathetic.

Jax's lips stretch into a smile. "I knew it."

"It's not a good thing, Jax. It might have been if she were single but she's not."

"That should be the least of your worries. If you love her and she loves you then things will fall into place. Don't you think maybe she didn't tell you about her boyfriend for a reason?"

I shrug and look down at my food. Just a minute ago it had looked so appetizing.

"Look if she didn't mention him then-"

The sound of my cell phone ringing cuts him off.

I look at the screen and take a deep breath before answering.

"Hey," I say dryly.

"Hey, you! I've been waiting for you to call me but then I remembered you don't do first calls." She giggles.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been busy."

"Are you okay?"

I look at the guys who offer me supportive smiles before answering, "Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired from work."

"Want to go out tomorrow? We can all go dancing!"

Hanging out with Brittany is the last thing I want to do. On top of being extremely tired I don't think I'll be able to stand seeing her with her boyfriend, that's if she ever decides to introduce or even mention him to me.

"I'm going to be pretty busy this weekend with some work I have to get done," I lie.

"Well…I could go over? Watch a movie or something? Just to keep you company. I'll pick up some Italian food from this great place I know. It doesn't compare to Breadstix, but it comes close."

The offer sounds extremely appealing. I would love to stay in with her and relax for the weekend just like old times. But I know I need some time away from her to decide how I'm going to handle this whole situation.

"That's nice of you but maybe some other time."

"Why are you upset?" It's been so long since I've talked to Brittany that I forget she can read me like a book. She doesn't even need to look at me to know something is bothering me. It's a huge disadvantage right now.

"I- I'm not. Just tired."

"Right. Okay well, sorry if I said something that upset you."

"You didn't I just-" I inhale and exhale forcefully through my nose. "I'm just busy. We'll hang out soon, okay?"

"Sure. When ever you can is fine."

The sad little tone in which she speaks makes me feel like a complete ass. Brittany is being so sweet and understanding as usual and I'm being a complete bitch. Some things never change.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Bye, San."

"Bye."

"What happened?" Jax asks. He had been listening with close attention.

I set my phone down and rest my head on my palms.

"Santana?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do guys. For a second, I thought we could maybe be friends again but I don't think I could handle it."

Adam places a comforting hand on my arm. "Santana, you know I hate to be cheesy but if you really do still love her, you should let her know. You don't want to look back twenty years from now and ask yourself 'what if?'"

I sigh. "No, I've already tried that with her once and it didn't go very well."

"But that was then. You guys were kids. She might handle it differently this time."

"She was being faithful back then, I doubt she has changed." I look up at them. " I actually hope she hasn't."

Jax redirects the conversation. "What did she tell you on the phone?"

"She wanted to hang out."

"And you said no?" he asks surprised.

"I said no."

* * *

"I can't believe you guys are actually going."

"We paid good money for these tickets, a lot of good money. Of course we're going ," Adam explains.

"It's the freaking Opera! People in their twenties aren't supposed to go to things like that. Can't you wait till your sixty or something?"

"We won't be able to stay awake when we're sixty." he says as he fixes Jax's bowtie.

"Whatever, I'm gonna take bath. Have fun sitting on your asses for two hours." I make my way to my room to grab a towel. As I shuffle through my closet I hear the front door swing open then slammed shut. I thought the guys were gone until I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and stopping near my bedroom door.

"Did you come back to clean the bathroom before I take my bath?" I ask sarcastically as i continue to look through my closet.

"Not exactly. But I brought food," Brittany says holding up a bag.

"Brittany," I say, finally turning around.

"Please don't be mad. I know you told me you were going to be busy today but I really wanted to hang out with you and I have to work tomorrow so today was my only free day."

I forget my previous idea of a bath and stare at Brittany still a bit surprised. Seeing her at Salton was very surprising but seeing her here in my house. In my bedroom. It feels a lot more surreal than the first time i saw her.

"San?"

"It's fine." I finally react and take the bag from her. "Here, let's go to the kitchen."

"You aren't mad right?" She asks worriedly but follows me to the kitchen.

I set the food down and start digging through it. "No, 'course not. I'm just surprised. I thought you were Adam."

"Oh yeah. I saw them on their way out. Jax said it was ok for me to come in."

Of course he would say that. Jax means well most of the time but sometimes he can be more harmful than helpful. I really hope he doesn't tell Brittany anything I wouldn't want her to know. I definitely need to have a talk with him.

Brittany moves around the kitchen island and comes stands next to me. Her shoulder gives me the chills as it graces softly against mine.

"You can get started on your work," she offers. "I'll serve us some food." She grabs a container with pasta and dumps some of it on one of the plates I brought out.

Oh my "work." I had forgotten about that. "Actually, I stayed up all night and finished it this morning." I feel really bad about lying to her. It's true what they say 'one lie leads to another.'

"Oh that's great! We can both watch a movie now."

After we finish stacking our plates with pasta, salad and breadsticks, we make ourselves comfortable in the living room. Brittany was right about the food, it's amazing. I really wish I had a glass of wine to go with it but Adam and Jax drank the last of it last week and no one has had the time to go pick up some more. Luckily, Brittany brought a bottle of her favorite apple cider. It doesn't compare to wine, but it's something. And she loves it, so if she's happy then i'm happy.

I pop in the movie she brought. It's some lame alien flick that I have already watched but I lie and say i've never seen it before. There i go lying again. But it's okay if it's for a good cause right?

Anyway, halfway through the movie Brittany reaches for her glass that sits on the coffee table and casually scoots closer to me on the couch. I turn to look at her and she gives me a friendly smile before returning her attention back to the television.

It might just be my imagination but i feel like she's trying something on me. I panic. "Hey, Brittany?"

"Mh?" She doesn't take her eyes off the t.v.

"Are you dating anyone?"

She looks at me and blinks her long blonde lashes a few times. She seems confused by the question but then her cheeks turn a little pink and I know what she's thinking.

"Oh no no. I don't mean it that way. I'm not trying to ask you out. I was- " I shrug. "I was just wondering."

The color on her cheeks goes from pink to light red and I smile at that.

She looks down at her glass before answering, "Yeah. I am. Um..his name is Liam."

I nod and feel a sting in the pit of my stomach. God, that hurt. Why did I even ask her?

I don't ask anything else and she doesn't go into further details. We sit in silence for the remainder of the movie and when it finishes I quickly get up and slide it out of the dvd player and into its case.

"So..that was a good movie," I comment and stand awkwardly in the middle of the living room. I begin an internal debate about whether or not I should sit back down.

"Is this too weird for you?"

"Wha- What?"

"Is spending time with me too weird? You can tell me if it is."

"No," I shake my head and sit back down next to her. "No, it's not weird."

She hides her face behind her glass as she drinks the last of her cider. "'Cause, it's okay if it is."

"Brittany, it's not weird."

I can tell by the look on her face and how she's avoiding eye contact that she's ashamed of something. I feel like holding her and telling her it's fine that she has a boyfriend and it's fine that she dumped me, even if it doesn't feel like that to me. I want her to know she should never feel ashamed about anything she does. She should at least not feel that way with me.

"I know I hurt you when I-"

At the sound of hurt, I jolt off the couch. "Whoa!... Look, I'm over that... and I would rather not talk about it."

"But-"

"No, Brittany. Really. I don't want to talk about it."

She looks up at me with her baby deer looking eyes and it forces me to take a minute and relax.

"Sorry. I just don't think we need to talk about it. Is that okay?"

She nods.

"Look, we're fine. This isn't weird. We can be friends, can't we?"

She presses her lips together and forces a smile. "Yeah.."

* * *

Brittany has really taken advantaged of the "friends" label we're now sporting. She spends most of her days off of work with me and when we're not together she's texting me throughout the day. It was strange spending time with her at first, but like I said before, falling back to our old routine is easy, so it wasn't long before I started feeling like we were the Brittany and Santana from high school. With Brittany being around so much, I had to make things clear to Jax about what he wasn't allowed to say, which was basically anything that had to do with me. He argued with me when I brought it up but eventually promised he wouldn't say anything.

Brittany has most Saturdays off so we either stay in and watch a movie, go dancing with the guys or go out to dinner.

This week, we decided to stay in. Adam and Brittany have had a very stressful week and are dead tired, so we rented some movies. When we go back to Adam's place , the boys want to watch the movie they picked out while Brittany fights for the one she picked. I have actually been wanting to watch the movie the guys chose but I take Brittany's side and pretend to want to watch hers.

We argue about it until I take Brittany's hand, along with her movie and lead us to my room. "We'll watch it in my room," I say already walking up the stairs.

"You kids behave!"

I glance back at Jax with a glare.

Once we're in our room, I close the door and put the movie on.

Brittany sits on my bed. "Your room looks nothing like the one back in Lima."

"Yeah, I haven't really decorated it. I don't think it's worth it. I'll be out of here soon."

At this, Brittany quickly turns to look at me. "You're leaving?"

"Well yeah. I'm not going to stay here forever. This is only temporary."

Brittany looks down at my sheets and runs her hand over the padding. "But what about your job? I thought it was going well."

I squint in confusion. "It is.."

"So why are you leaving? Are you going back to Chicago?"

I laugh as i catch on. "No, Britt. I'm not leaving leaving. I'm moving out of here, to my own place, but I'm not leaving LA."

When Brittany looks up at me her cheeks are flushed. I raise an eyebrow. I hadn't said anything to embarrass her.. Had i?

"Why are you blushing?" I ask with a curious smile.

"You called me Britt."

"I did?"

She nods with a huge grin.

"Well, we are back to being friends so I guess it feels right to call you that now." I climb onto my bed and lean against the headboard. She follows and positions herself next to me.

"I'm glad you aren't leaving LA. I like having you around."

My heart flutters. "I like being around."

She seems to be done talking but there's something that I've been very curious about.

"Hey Britt, your boyfriend doesn't mind you hanging out with me?"

She glances at me and shrugs. "I don't see him often. He travels a lot."

"Oh. What does he do?"

"He's a geologist."

Brittany's dating a geologist? How the hell did that happen? Well on second thought, it actually makes sense. He's probably full of the type of knowledge Brittany finds interesting.

"Wow. A geologist. That's impressive."

"You're impressed because I managed to catch a geologist's attention or because he's a geologist?"

The question caught me off guard and I stutter as I try to form an answer.

She chuckles at my struggle. "I'm kidding, San."

"Not funny."

"It's a little funny."

I spread my hand for her to take. When she does I say, "I'm happy to keep you company while he's gone." I think about what I said and quickly try to make myself clearer, "Not- not like that.. I meant like you know.. just company."

"I know what you meant," she says in between a giggle. "Thank you."


	4. Changes

"I know we already asked you this like a million times, but are you doing okay?"

"Yes, Adam. I'm fine. Why is that so hard to believe?"

He sets down the last of my boxes in my new living room. "I don't know. It just...it can't be easy for you to be in love with her and not be able to be anything more than her friend."

I shrug. Truth is, sometimes it isn't easy. There's times when I wish we were more than friends. Like last week when we grabbed lunch together. The weather was strangely cold that day. There were gusts of winds blowing every two minutes and Brittany kept calling them the Santa Ana Winds.

We decided to walk to a nearby cafe during our lunch breaks, but I really wish we had driven, even if it was only two blocks away. When we finally got there, we took a sit at a corner table and ordered some coffee to warm up. I looked up at Brittany and noticed that her nose had turned into a cute pink color, the way it does whenever the weather is too cold.

"What?" she asked.

"What?" I stared at her with a sheepish smile.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like that." She pointed at my face.

"Your nose looks really cute. You look like Rudolph.

She brought her hand up to her nose and touched it with her fingertips. "It's pink, huh?" She asked through a chuckle.

Her laugh along with her nose were so insanely cute that I wanted to stretch over the table and kiss her nose, then her adorable thin lips that were dry from the wind outside. But of course I couldn't. Being friends with her is great. I much rather be her friend than nothing at all, but as her friend I have boundaries, boundaries that I really really wish I could break, but I would never push her into cheating. I kind of did that in high school and I feel really bad about it. Even if I never did like Artie Wheelchair very much.

"It can get a little...difficult, at times. But I can manage."

"Do you really think you're ever going to get over her this way?"

"I don't know, Adam." I sigh in frustration. "I just know that I'm happy she's back in my life."

Adam starts unpacking dishes in the kitchen and hides the disappointment in his face. I know he's right. I'm not going to get over her any time soon this way, but I'm just so happy. I jumped into this friendship without thinking twice about it and I may have to pay the consequences later on but I couldn't care less about that right now.

"Doesn't her boyfriend ask about you? I'd be worried if Jax was spending all his free time with an ex-boyfriend."

I get why he asks that. I would be worried if I were in Liam's position too, but he doesn't really seem to care. "She said she told him that we're friends again but I'm not sure if he knows that we've been hanging out. He's always traveling so it's not like Brittany chooses to spend time with me over spending time with him."

"Well, I guess as long as he doesn't mind and you guys aren't fooling around..."

"We aren't. And thanks for your seal of approval. Couldn't have lived without it." I begin fixing the wine bottles I just bought. Maybe Brittany will want to get some more of that Italian food. I can have my glass of wine with it this time.

"Where is she anyway? I thought she had Saturdays off. Isn't she going to come check out your new place?"

"She was, but she's teaching her friend's classes today. Apparently her daughter was sick or something so she asked Brittany if she could take over for the day."

"That's sweet. Brittany is a really nice girl."

I smile. "She is."

Adam must have noticed my dreamy face because he makes a random suggestion. "Hey, have you thought about getting back into the dating game?. I know you like spending time with Brittany, but you need to branch out into relationships that will actually lead somewhere."

I know he didn't mean to be an ass but that kind of stung. The way he said it was so bold.

"There must be someone chasing after this piece of hot ass," he says then playfully spanks me.

"Of course there is!" I chuckle. "But... I don't know-"

"None of them are Brittany." Adam takes my hands in between his and squeezes them. "I get that you love her and that you're happy and all that, but you at least have to try to move on."

"Yeah..."

"Promise? Promise me you'll try."

He's looking at me with his piercing green eyes. He's probably the only person that can scare me once in a while with just a look.

"Yeah. I promise."

Brittany surprise visits me later that night. She's wearing a purple hoodie, which kind of looks familiar, and some oversized sweats. She looks completely fatigued.

"Wow! This place is great, San!" She's looking all around my new apartment and makes sure she peeks her head in through all the doors.

She makes it sound better than it actually it. It's more of a loft than an apartment, but atleast it has a separate room that serves as my bedroom. I would hate to have to get one of those dividers to put in the middle of the living room, hide a bed behind it, and call it my bedroom.

"It's okay. I'll get a better place as soon as I get bumped into something better at the studio, which I hope is soon because I don't think I can stand being Steve's bitch for much longer."

"Aw, San. I'm sure they'll move you up soon." She stops by my bookcase and picks up a framed picture of me and the guys. "Did Adam help you bring up your bed?"

"Yup. Well he brought it up by himself. I think I would have gotten in his way if I tried to help."

"Sorry I wasn't here to help you." She sets the picture down and sits on the couch next to me.

"That's okay. You look really tired by the way."

She smiles lazily and stretches her arms above her head. "I'm about to collapse. I forgot how tiring Salsa and Tango can be."

I instantly picture Brittany in tights dancing to some sexy salsa music. I wish I had seen that. All I've ever seen her dance is Hip-hop and the routines we had to do in Glee Club. If that used to mesmerize me then, I wonder what her Salsa and Tango moves would do to me now.

She turns her back towards me and starts unzipping her hoodie. "Can you massage my shoulders?" There's no suggestive tone in her voice, but my cheeks turn red before she finishes shaking off her sweater.

"Sure." I softly grip her shoulders and I'm sure that if I were a guy I would have a massive problem right now. That's what four years of no Brittany does to me. I need to focus on something else other than her skin under my hands and her exposed neck flaunting its perfection at me, so I stare at the purple hoodie that's laying around her waist.

My brows furrow and I lean down to get a closer look at it.

"Britt, where did you get this sweater?"

"From your closet."

"From my-" I pick it up and examine it. It's the hoodie I was given my first year of college by my cheer team. "When did you get it?"

"Ummm...I don't remember." She scoots back closer to me and straightens her back. "Can you get my neck too."

I swallow and drop the piece of clothing, setting my hands gently around her neck. I form small circles around her muscles with my thumbs and she seems to enjoy it because her shoulders slouch back down again.

"That feels nice. I think I didn't stretch enough before class today."

"You should be careful," I say and try to keep my eyes from wandering around her body.

Her phone buzzes and breaks my trance. I feel like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't have been doing and quickly remove my hands from her.

Brittany pulls out her phone and answers it.

"Hey!" She waits a few seconds before she speaks again. "Oh you are? I'm at Santana's, but I'll be right over."

It doesn't take a genius to figure out who called her. Once she hangs up, she pulls my hoodie back on.

"Was that Liam?" I ask.

She finishes pulling up the zipper and stands up. "Yeah. He finished his project in Israel sooner than he expected so he's home now."

"Oh," is all I say. I don't want to give away the fact that I'm not as happy as she is about Liam's return.

"I have to go, but call me when you want to go pick up stuff for the housewarming party."

"The what?"

She turns to look at me as she opens the front door and swings her duffle bag over her shoulder. "Your housewarming party."

"I'm not having one. Who told you that?"

"Jax."

I roll my eyes. "No, I'm not having one."

"Why not? It'll be fun."

"I don't even have friends, Britt. I don't know anyone other than you and the guys. And maybe a few people at the studio."

"That sounds like enough to me."

I shake my head "Plus this isn't a house. It makes no sense to have a housewarming party."

"Then we can have an apartmentwarming party."

I lean against the door frame and take in how beautiful she looks. I like when she gets dressed up in a dress and heels but there's nothing I love more than seeing her in her natural state. Her hair tangled from fixing it repeatedly during her dance lessons, her face free from any makeup, and those comfy clothes hanging from her thin frame.

"I'll think about it."

"There's no time to think! You should really stop over-thinking things so much and just do them." She closes the gap between us and gives me a quick hug. "I'll call you, okay?"

I nod with a smile. "Okay."

"Bye." She gives me a little wave before she walks down the hall.

"Bye, Britt."

* * *

"Hey hot stuff! Are you having fun?"

"So much fun. Jax, please remind me not to ever listen to you ever again. We barely fit in here!" Somehow there's more people than I invited and I only recognize about five of them.

He hands me his drink. "Drink it."

I take a sip and force it down my throat. "What the hell is this? It's disgusting." I push the cup against his chest. No way am I drinking anymore of it.

"I call it The Jaxter," he says then finishes the drink.

I wince. "That's gross."

"Where's Brittany?"

"She said she'd stop by later. She has to drop off her boyfriend at the airport."

"You still haven't met him?"

"No. And I hope I never have to."

Putting a face to the name isn't something I want to do. It's already hard enough to push away the thoughts of Brittany with someone else. If I had an exact mental picture of it, I know i would torture myself with it.

It's getting late and Brittany still hasn't arrived. I want to call her and ask if everything's okay because she hasn't answered my texts but I don't want to bother her if she's with the geologist.

Brittany might not be here but Natalie is. Natalie is a cute brunette that works at the studio. She has been flirting with me since day one but hasn't made a move yet. I was hesitant about inviting her, but I promised Adam I would try to move on from Brittany so here she is.

"Santana! Hi!" She gives me a peck on the cheek. "I thought you said there was only going to be a few people."

"I thought so, but my fabulous friends seem to have invited all of L.A. Are you having fun? Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, a drink sounds great."

We squeeze through the crowd and finally make it to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"

"Surprise me?" She says with a mischievous smile.

I grin and make her one of my many specialties. We stay in the kitchen because there really isn't any room to move in. It was even getting a little hard to breath, but luckily Jax opened up the windows. Natalie and I are standing close together trying to chat over the blaring Britney Spears soundtrack that someone had managed to find and pop in my stereo. Natalie leans into me to and is about to say something when Jax shouts my name from the kitchen's entrance. I look up and see Brittany standing next to him. She's gripping her purse with both hands and flicking her eyes between me and Natalie. I tell Natalie to give me a minute and quickly push myself past some people until I reach Jax and Britt.

"Hey!" I say.

"Hi. Are you busy? I can hang out with Jax for a while." Brittany doesn't seem to be her jolly self, which worries me.

"No, um...Jax, can you stay with Natalie for a bit?"

He nods and I pull Brittany by the wrist until we're in my bedroom. "What's wrong?" I shut the door behind us and follow her to my bed.

"Nothing.."

"Britt, c'mon."

She picks at the back of her hand for a moment then looks up at me. Her eyes are sad and I am now 100% sure something's up. I try giving her an encouraging smile.

"Liam..he..." My jaw tightens at the sound of his name. "We had a little fight before he left."

"I'm sure he'll be over it by the time he comes back, Britt."

"San, he doesn't want me to see you anymore."

It takes me a few seconds to process what she's telling me.

"I'm sorry. He just isn't comfortable with our friendship."

"So- so what are you saying? We can't see each other anymore? He's never had a problem with it before."

"I know, but I've been telling him about all the stuff we do and now he feels it's not right for you and I to be together all the time."

"But we're not doing anything we aren't supposed to. It's not like you're cheating on him."

"I know that, but he-"

"You can't let him choose your friends, Brittany!" I didn't notice how worked up I was getting until I realize I was off my bed looking down at her.

"I'm not. We can still see each other but... not as much."

"So what? Like in secret?" I can't believe what she's suggesting. We were a secret almost all through high school and now she wants to go back to that? At least back then I was getting more out of our relationship than I am now. "I'm not going to do that, Brittany."

"San, not in secret. Just in-..I don't know." Her tone is soft and pleading, like she's asking me to help her find a better sounding name for it.

"You should go." I cross the room and hold the door open for her.

"Santana." She tilts her head to the side and looks up at me with her sad blue eyes. But I don't submit. I grip the doorknob tightly and stare at the hardwood under me until she stands up and exits the room.

* * *

**So a few people favorited this fic, but you guys have to at least let me know that you're still reading it. I have no clue if I'm writing just for myself. **


	5. Apologies

**Thank you to the people that have taken the time to leave a little comment. It is very much appreciated. :)**

* * *

"Santana! Why would you do that?"

It's the morning after the 'housewarming party.' Adam and Jax invited me over for brunch and of course Jax had to ask about Brittany. I told him what had happened, needless to say he wasn't happy about it, but I tried to explain my reasons.

"I'm not going to go back to being a secret with her. It took a lot of courage to come out and go public about what we had in high school. No way am I going to be her dirty little secret. I love her, but I have more self respect than that." I take a sip of my coffee, wanting for this conversation to end soon. Not only would seeing her in secret make me feel like crap but it would also feel like Brittany would be cheating. Emotionally cheating or what ever they call it.

"But you didn't have to kick her out that way!" Apparently Jax has left his little obsession with me behind and moved on to Brittany. The two of them have gotten along really well this past few months and became close friends so it's no surprise that he's taking her side.

"Jax, you're over reacting. I didn't kick her out. I asked her to leave."

Adam rubs Jax's forearm in an attempt to relax him. "So what now?" He asks turning his attention towards me.

"I don't know. She called me late last night but I didn't pick up."

"I think you should take this as an opportunity to create some space between the two of you and see other people."

"Adam!" Jax seems to be appalled by the advice. "Not too long ago you told her she should tell Brittany that she loved her!"

"Well, she's obviously not going to do that. And if Brittany's letting her boyfriend make these kind of a decisions for her, then I'm guessing she's really into him."

I wish we could stop talking about this. All I want to do is finish my coffee, go home, and sleep for the rest of the day. I need to wrap this conversation up.

"I think Adam is right. I tried the friend thing and it didn't work out. I need to move on." I shrug. "Maybe this _is_ fate, Jax."

He stares at me fixedly. I shouldn't have taken a jab at his whole fate thing. "Fine. It's up to you," he says. "But don't treat her like this is all her fault. You decided not to tell her how you feel so this is what happens now." He stands up from his seat at the table and stacks all the dishes we used before quietly taking them into the kitchen.

"He's being over dramatic," Adam says once Jax is out of sight. "This is a good thing, Santana. You know this is the only way you're going to be able to move on.."

"Yeah." I nod. "But having spent so much time with her again is not going to make it any easier. I hate to say it, but you were right. Becoming her 'bff' again wasn't the best idea."

I hate the look Adam is giving me. He feels sorry for me. It's written all over his face. The last thing I want is a pity party. "But I'll get through it."

"That's the spirit, babe. And I know some great girls who you might like."

"That's okay. I've been kind of talking to someone."

"Oh really?" He's excited. I wish I could be too. "Who?"

"A girl from work. It's been nothing more than flirting, but I think I'll ask her out."

Getting over Brittany the first time was almost impossible. Well, it was impossible. I never did get over her, but I got to a point where I could continue living life without her. This time around I have some experience. I just hope it's enough to get me through and make it less painful than the first.

* * *

"I bought us lunch!" Natalie makes room on my mess of a desk and sets down a Chipotle bag.

"I love this stuff!" I launch at the bag and pull out a bowl. "Oh my god, you got a burrito bowl. Can I have it?" The smell quickly fills my tiny cubicle and makes my mouth water.

"Duh! I got it for you. I know it's your favorite."

She does? "You do?" I unwrap the bowl and dig in.

"Yeah. You mentioned it when we had lunch there a few weeks ago."

Natalie is the complete package. She's smart, beautiful, funny, and very thoughtful. She's so kind that she makes up for the lack of kindness on my end. I hate to admit it, but I don't remember what she had for lunch that day.

"You're way too nice. Did you know?" I ask.

She swallows a bite of her burrito before smiling and saying, "We can even the score if you take me out this weekend."

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

Since I stopped seeing Brittany, I've been spending my weekends with Natalie but as much as I like going out with her, it doesn't compare to being with Brittany. Either way it's a start. Plus, Brittany hasn't called or texted me in six weeks so at least she hasn't been making being away from her harder than it already is.

"I've been wanting to go to karaoke night at the bar near your place."

I scrunch my nose. I haven't sang in a while, I don't know if that's my thing anymore.

"Don't make that face! We're going!"

"Fine but I'm only going to see drunken idiots go up on stage and make fools of themselves."

"Uh, no. You're going to go up there with me."

I scoff. "In your dreams."

"I always make my dreams come true so I guess you're going up there one way or another." She smiles proudly.

I'm about to protest but my phone vibrates on my desk. It's a text from Brittany. So much for the six weeks.

I guess my face changed as soon as I saw her name on my phone because Natalie asks, "Is it her?"

I nod, a little embarrassed. Natalie knows about Brittany. I didn't tell her every single detail but she knows the essentials. She knows I'm still in love with her. She must really like me if she's willing to date me while I'm head over heels for someone else.

"Read it. It might be important."

I look at her and try to figure out if she's trying to test me in some way but it doesn't seem like it. She takes another bite of her burrito and hands me my phone.

Brittany's text is short. All she says is that she really needs to talk to me. It's nothing new. That's what she texted me for the first two weeks after my party. I put my phone down and continue eating my food.

"Aren't you going to reply?"

"No." I shake my head.

Instead of asking why, Natalie goes back to talking about the weekend. She says she will pick me up at eight and that I need to look hot because she won't go out with anything less than hot. This is why I think we might work. We are so different but yet so alike.

* * *

It's seven thirty and I'm all ready to go. I slipped into the tightest dress in my closet and made sure to wear my best bra. I wouldn't want to disappoint Natalie.

I'm in the kitchen fixing some drinks with Jax. It was only supposed to be Natalie and me tonight but according to Adam, he and Jax went to karaoke night once and had a blast so there was no getting rid of them. Fortunately, Natalie is super sweet and didn't mind.

"Can you quit staring at my boobs? I'm starting to think you're not gay," I tell Jax.

"If you were to put wigs on them they would look like two human heads stuck to your chest."

I brush off his attempt at being funny and continue mixing the drinks. "Asshole."

"They're huge! Are you sure you didn't get them enlarged again?"

"It's my bra! You moron."

He chuckles and playfully bumps his hip against mine. "Hey, have you talked to Brittany?"

I glare at him. What a stupid question.

"I'm just asking because I'm worried about her."

I look at him. "Worried?... Why?"

"She hasn't returned any of my calls or texts. The last time I saw her was two weeks ago and she wasn't feeling too good. She was throwing up a lot. I think she got food poisoning or something."

"Have you tried going to her house?"

"No, Liam has the month off from work so I'm pretty sure he'd be home."

"So?"

"I don't like him. He creeps me out."

Brittany is dating a creep? "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I've only met him once but I thought he was way too serious and kind of scary. Not very friendly."

Why would Brittany date anyone like that? She's seems to be the complete opposite of him.

Someone rings the doorbell so I put my thoughts about Brittany on hold. "That's probably Nat. C'mon." "I walk into the living room holding two drinks and ready to get the party started before we even hit the bar. "You're early!" I announce, expecting to see Natalie standing at the entrance but when Adam moves his broad shoulders out of the way, I notice it's Brittany standing there instead. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you." She looks like she hasn't slept in days. Her eyes are puffy and I know she's been crying. "Can we please talk?"

'No, I don't want to talk to you,' is what I really want to say, but she looks like she's in bad shape and that adds to the concern I had felt when I was talking to Jax just a moment ago. I hand the drinks to Jax and gesture for her to follow me. When we're in the privacy of my bedroom, she lets out a sob and drapes her arms around my neck without warning. I involuntarily fall on my bed and we land in a sitting position next to each other. I stay silent while her sobs get louder and can feel her hot tears sliding down my shoulder. "It's okay." I try comforting her while I massage her back. "Shh..It's okay." I'm really worried now. Brittany isn't a crier. If she's crying then that means something really big happened.

I let her cry on my shoulder for a few minutes. Just as her sobs begin to cease, there's a soft knock on my door. "What?" I ask with frustration.

"Natalie is here." Adam announces.

Brittany wipes the remaining tears from her face. "I'm so sorry. You should go. I shouldn't have came unannounced."

I take her hands in mine, making sure she doesn't try to leave. "Just go, Adam. I'll catch up to you guys later."

He seems hesitant because I don't hear him walk away right away. When he finally does, Brittany apologizes again. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I rub my thumb over her hand. "What's going on?"

A tear rolls down her cheek and wipe it off with the back of my index finger. She sniffs and stares at our hands resting on her lap then mumbles something.

"What?" I slouch and try to get a clearer view of her face.

She swallows. "I lost it.."

"Lost what, honey?"

"The baby." She finally looks up at me."I lost it."

The baby? Was she babysitting? "What do you mean?"

"I lost my baby." She begins bawling again and hides her face in the crook of my neck.

I rest my hands on her back while I try to process what she just told me. She had a baby. She lost it. My throat feels like it's closing and I'm having a hard time trying to breathe. This can't really be happening.

Brittany was pregnant and had a miscarriage. How is that possible? That doesn't happen, not to Brittany. Those things happen to people but not us. This is the type of thing that you always hear about but never think it will happen to you or anyone close to you.

"Are you sure?"

She holds me tighter and nods against my shoulder.

I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to react to this. Not ten minutes ago I was about to go out on a date and now Brittany is here. The love of my life is here and she's telling me she lost her baby. She had a baby with someone else and she lost it. I can't think of anything to say to her other than, "Honey..."

She leans away from me to get a view of my face. She's wants me to continue. She wants me to make her feel better. She's looking at me like she's waiting for me to say the right thing and make the pain go away. But I can't. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make this better so all I can do is lay us down on my bed and wrap her in my arms.

Brittany has always been the taller and stronger one out of the two but right now, as she trembles in my arms, she feels so small and fragile.

I place a soft kiss on her forehead and hold her tight. "It's going to be okay, Britt."

* * *

It's 6:00am and I'm still wide awake. Brittany cried herself to sleep last night while holding my hand against her chest and hasn't let go of it since. It really scared me to see her so distraught yesterday. Of course it's understandable, but I had never ever seen her that way.

I stayed up all night thinking about what happened to her. I have so many questions. How far along was she? Did she get seen by a doctor? Why did it happen? Where did it happen? Why is she with me and not Liam?

I've also been thinking about ways I can help her deal with this. I might not know what to say, but I think I know what to do.

I lay motionless and wait until she wakes up. I'm a little nervous about how she's going to feel this morning, but I'm ready to deal with it. I'll be supportive of whatever she wants to do or whatever she wants to feel. I want to take care of her, I really do.

A few hours later, she begins to stir. Her eyes flutter open and she looks at me without saying a word. She's lost lost some color in her eyes and that beautiful happy shine I'm so used to seen.

"Hey," I say. She doesn't respond. "Are you hungry?"

She shakes her head. Her pupils hide behind her eyelids and she falls asleep again. A few minutes later I managed to slither out of bed without waking her. I change out of my dress into some track shorts and a t-shirt and check my phone. Adam has called me five times and I have one text message from Natalie. It reads, 'Adam is freaking out about you and Brittany being left alone. She didn't look too well. No worries if you can't make it.' I also have a text from Jax telling me not to answer Adam's calls.

After I lay a blanket over Brittany, I go into the kitchen to make some coffee. I turn on the t.v. in the living room and lower its volume until it's almost on silent. I want Brittany to rest all she wants but four hours pass and she's still asleep. I check on her every thirty minutes to make sure she's okay. I'm a little worried about her sleeping for so long but she did look exhausted so maybe she's finally catching up on her sleep.

I decide to call Jax and give him an update.

When he picks up, he doesn't waste any time. "How is she?"

"She's okay. She's sleeping."

"What happened?"

I want to tell Jax. I'm dying to tell him and get his advice on it but it's not my place to do so. I don't know how Brittany wants to go about this. She might not want to tell anyone. "She wasn't feeling well."

"Well, why? What happened?"

I'm not going to get Jax off the topic that easily. I need to give him something solid. "She came to apologize about the whole Liam thing and wasn't feeling good so I told her she could crash here."

"So, are you guys friends again?"

I need to stop lying. "I don't know. Look, I really don't want to talk about it. It still isn't very clear where we stand at this point. Like I said, she wasn't feeling well so I didn't want to push her into talking all night."

"Okay, but are you sure she's okay? She looked awful."

"She's fine. Did you guys have fun last night?" I ask, attempting to change the subject.

"Not really. Adam was calling you all night, as you probably already know. He said he didn't think it was right for Brittany to come back after a month and a half and that you shouldn't have stayed home with her."

Adam's reaction isn't a surprise to me.. "Was Natalie upset?"

"I wouldn't say upset but I could tell she was bummed that you didn't show up. She didn't really talk very much so I don't know what she thought about you staying with Brittany."

I don't know what Natalie was thinking either. She seemed to be supportive of me helping Brittany, but I doubt she she was happy about it. I know I wouldn't be.

I get up off the couch to serve myself another cup of coffee when I see Brittany moving around in my room. "I gotta go, Jax. I'll call you later." I don't give him a chance to say goodbye and hang up before walking into my room. Brittany is looking through my closet. She's looking through everything and opening every drawer. I move closer to her and place a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch. "Hey," I say. "What do you need?"

"I want to shower. Can I borrow a towel?"

I move my hand to her lower back. "Yeah, they're in the bathroom, c'mon." I lead her into the bathroom and begin running her a bath. When I turn around to pull out a towel from my cabinet I see Brittany is already half naked. Her shirt and bra have been tossed over the sink and she's working on taking off her jeans. When she pulls them off completely,I notice there's some dark spots on her panties. I quickly tear my gaze away and stare at the towel as I talk. "Here's a towel. There' shampoo and soap on the tub." I don't know why I'm speaking so low. It's as if I think she's still sleeping. "I have bath rocks if you- want.." Brittany doesn't seem to be listening. She finishes undressing and slips into the tub. The water turns into a light shade of pink and I pour in some bubble solution to masquerade it. "I'll be in the room if you need anything, okay?" I turn to leave.

"Santana. Stay, please." She's dipped into the water up to her neck and rests her head on the tub. Her eyes are closed but even then she somehow manages to look tired.

I pull the toilet seat cover down and sit on it. We stay silent for a while until I speak up. "You can stay here as long as you want, Brit. I have to go to work tomorrow but I'll have my phone on me at all times in case you need something."

"Thank you," she says.

The questions are itching but I won't ask until she's ready to talk about it so I just sit on the toilet feeling useless. "Do you want something to eat? I can cook something. Or I can go out and buy something."

"No, I'm okay. Thank you."

I want to help her. I want to do something for her. Anything. "I'm going to get you some clean clothes. I'll be back." I dig through my closet until I find a pair of cheer sweats and t-shirt. The shirt isn't just any shirt. It's a shirt my aunt gave me one christmas back in Lima. It's blue and has a cartoon turtle printed on it. Under the turtle it reads shut the shell up. It's the most ridiculous shirt ever. My aunt obviously doesn't know me very well if she thought I was going to wear it. Brittany loved it though. She laughed and laughed when she finally understood what it meant. She's the only reason why I still have it. I'm sure it'll bring a smile to her face when she sees it.

I snatch a pair of panties from my drawer and walk back to the bathroom to find Brittany struggling to get out of the tub. "Whoa. Hey-" I toss the clothes on the toilet seat and rush to help her out the tub. Her legs tremble as I wrap the towel around her.

"I can't be in there anymore. I can't. I-" her voice breaks.

"It's okay...It's okay. You don't have to be in there. Let's just get you dressed."

I dry her off with the towel and slip the shirt on her. She doesn't notice it, which disappoints me, but I don't think she would even notice if I were to kiss her right now. I help her put on the underwear and sweats then suggest that she get back in bed.

After I lay her down I grab a clean sheet and drape it over her. "I'm going to be right back, okay?"

"No. Where are you going?"

"I'm going to make you some soup. You need to eat something."

"No, just stay here. Please." She takes my hand and pulls it towards her. "I need you here."

I'll never be able to deny her anything, not while she's this broken. I lay next to her and she snuggles against me. Her hair is wet and soaks through my shirt but I couldn't care less.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I don't know what she's sorry for but whatever it is, I know she doesn't need to apologize for it. She just needs to stop apologizing all together. "It's okay, Britt."


	6. Hot Chocolate and Marshmallows

When I got to work this morning, Steve said he had some 'great news.' He didn't tell me right away though, that wouldn't have been dramatic enough for him. He always makes everything into a huge deal.

He waited four hours to come back to my cubicle with a huge smile on his face and told me I'm being moved up to the editing room full-time. I'll be assisting the audio engineers and will be getting a salary raise.

It's still not what I want to do. I want to produce. I want to have the big corner office and call the shots, but the editing room is far better than answering phones and taking notes during meetings. Plus, if Brittany decides to stay with me for a while, that raise will come in handy.

When I began packing my things to take them up to the second floor, Steve cleared his throat to call my attention. I looked up at him and he gave me an apologetic smile as he handed me a stack of documents and asked me to check them for any incorrect grammar. He promised me that that was the last thing he would ask me to do and congratulated me again before walking back to his office.

I've been reading the same paragraph for the last twenty minutes. I'm reading the words out loud but can't process what I'm saying. It's as if I'm reading in another language. All I'm thinking about is Brittany and if she's okay. It's already 11:00 am so I'm thinking about calling her but yesterday she slept until two in the afternoon so I don't know if she'll be awake. I settle for a text message asking her how she's feeling.

I don't get a reply so I try to finish reading the documents.

"Morning."

I look up and find Natalie holding two yogurt parfaits.

"I brought you a snack." She hands me a yogurt and sticks a plastic spoon in it.

"Stop being so nice. I totally bailed on you yesterday."

She shrugs. "It's alright. You were being a good friend...How is she?"

"She's okay, I think. She wasn't feeling good so she stayed at my place."

Natalie nods and eats a spoonful of yogurt.

"You're not mad, are you? Nothing happened. She just slept over."

"No, I'm not mad. 'Course not."

As if the confusion with the whole Brittany thing wasn't enough, I also don't know where I stand with Natalie. I wouldn't say she's my girlfriend. We've had a few make out sessions and second base action, yet we've never really talked about what we have. I hate to have this type of conversations but I need to know what she wants from me and if I can give it to her. She's a sweetheart and I would hate to end up hurting her.

"Hey, um...where do you see this going?"

"'This,' as in us?" she asks.

"Yeah."

"Well, I really like you, Santana. Like, a lot. But you told me yourself that you're still hung up on Brittany so..." She pauses and stirs the spoon inside her yogurt. "Look, I want to keep seeing you. And I want to be with you. I'd like to call you my girlfriend, but I don't see that happening until I know that you're done thinking about Brittany."

That's a fair deal. "Yeah. I understand."

"So, we can keep hanging out and all but, I guess it's nothing more than that right now."

I nod in agreement. "I think I should tell you that Brittany is going through something and I want to help her get through it. But I want to know if it will change things between us."

She seems to think about it. "As long as you separate your feelings."

"What do you mean?"

"I get that she's your best friend and she will always be part of your life somehow, but if you want to help her get through whatever she's going through, you need to do it as a friend who loves her and not as someone who is in love with her. I know it's a lot to ask, but you need to get into that mind set. I'm not telling you this for my own benefit, well yeah I am." She chuckles. "But it's the best thing you can do if you want to help her."

I smile. "Thank you for being so understanding. I promise as soon as she's better you'll have me all to yourself."

"I hope it doesn't take long then." She tosses her empty yogurt cup into the trash bin. "Hey! I almost forgot. I heard about your promotion. Congratulations!"

"Thanks. I'm so relieved to be set free from my duties as Steve's lap dog."

"You deserve it. You're going to have that corner office before you know it." She leans in and gives me a peck on the lips. "I gotta go. Meet me in the lobby for lunch?"

"Yup, my treat today."

"Can't wait!" she yells out as she walks down the corridor.

As soon as the clock hits four I rush home, but I don't get there until five because the traffic in this city is ridiculous. I run up the stairs in my heels and almost break my god damn ankle, but I don't care. I want to see how Brittany is doing. She didn't answer any of my texts or calls the entire day.

When I get to my door, I slide the key in and turn the knob slowly, trying not to make any noise. I close the door behind me and slip off my shoes as I look around for any signs of her. The kitchen is spotless so I don't think she ate anything all day. I tippy toe my way to my room and wince when the wood floor creaks.

My bedroom door is open just how I left it this morning. I peek my head in and instantly lock eyes with Brittany. She's laying on her side, curled up on my bed.

I walk inside and sit next to her. "Did you eat?"

She shakes her head gently.

I purse my lips and move a strand of hair away from her face. "I'm going to make you something."

A few minutes later I come back with a grilled cheese and some warm tomato soup.

"I'm not really hungry." Her voice sounds hoarse. She's been crying again.

"Brit, you have to eat something. C'mon, sit up."

Once I get her to start eating, I notice she's still in the same clothes as last night. "Do you want me to pick up some clothes from your place?"

"No," she answers hurriedly.

"Why not? I don't mind."

"Liam is there."

I'm scared to ask but I just have to. "Brit, did he somehow help cause this?"

"No," she shakes her head. "No, he would never hurt me. He's just upset. I lost our baby. He has the right to be mad."

"What? No, Brittany. I guess it's okay if he's mad at what happened, but he shouldn't be mad at you. None of what happened is your fault. These kinds of things happen. You didn't ask for it or cause it." I still don't know why Brittany had a miscarriage, but I'm sure it wasn't because she wasn't taking care of herself. There's no way she would ever do anything to harm a baby, let alone her own. "He's being an insensitive asshole."

She doesn't say anything and keeps her eyes fixed on her food.

"Did he kick you out?" I continue.

"It's his apartment." She shrugs. "He had been so happy when I told him I was pregnant. It hadn't been planned, but I was excited too because I've always seen myself having kids and I thought maybe the baby would fix things between us."

What she says gets me momentarily off track and makes me wonder if she thought about having kids when we were together. We were really young and never talked about it, but I should have known. Brittany loves kids. Now is not the time to be thinking about the past though, so I snap out of it.

"What was going on between you two?"

She seems hesitant, which disappointments. It makes me think she doesn't trust me as much as she did in high school. She shouldn't have to think twice about telling me things.

"He was gone a lot," she beings. "We were drifting apart and I think he was getting tired of me. Whenever he came home all he'd want to do was watch t.v. I guess it's understandable since he works so much, but I wanted to spend time with him. The only time we were actually together was...during nights." I shift my eyes around the room and hope she doesn't go into further details. "But once that was over, he'd be back to being pissed off. Anything I did would set him off and he'd be in a bad mood most of the time." She stops swirling the spoon in her soup and takes a deep breathe. "Then I started seeing you and he didn't seem to care, but the day of your housewarming party we had a fight because I wanted to go out to dinner before he left and he didn't. I told him I was thankful I had you because I'd be completely alone if I didn't. He didn't say anything then, but when I took him to the airport he told me he wanted me to stop seeing you. He said it was him or you." She looks up at me. "I'm sorry I didn't pick you. I should have picked you."

"It's okay, Britt." Of course it's not okay. Even if she didn't pick me, she shouldn't have picked him either. He's a bastard for making her pick between him and me. I'm not going to tell Brittany that though. I don't want to make her feel worse.

Besides, I'm feeling extremely guilty right now for not taking the time to figure out what was going on with her the night of my party. I was selfish and only thought about how she was going to hurt me. Little did I know, she was the one already hurting.

"I didn't find out I was pregnant until two weeks later." That's why she stopped trying to get me to talk to her. "I told him through the phone and he rushed home that same week. He was completely different then. He was back to being the super sweet and caring guy he was when I met him. Everything was great until two weeks ago. I...I was in the shower and..." Some air gets caught in her throat.

"It's okay, Britt. We don't have to talk about it anymore."

A fresh tear roll down her pale cheek before she says, "No...I want to tell you. I need to tell you."

I brace myself for what she's about to tell me next. I would rather not hear the details but it's not about what I want right now. If she needs to tell me then I'll listen.

"I was in the shower. I had really bad cramps and I thought a warm shower would help but-...There was blood running down my legs. I had been spotting the day before, but my doctor had told me a little blood was normal. What happened in the shower wasn't spotting anymore though. It was like I was on my period. Then little clots started coming out and the cramps were getting a lot worse. I don't think I ever told you, but my mom had a miscarriage once. What was happening to me sounded a lot like her story so I knew." She pauses and wipes away the tears on her face.

"Where was Liam?"

"He had gone to visit his parents that day to tell them the news. I wanted to call him and tell him but it wouldn't have made a difference. It was already happening. I sat in the tub until he came home and found me. He was so confused and scared. He kept asking me why hadn't I called him and then called for an ambulance."

My throat feels tight and I'm trying not to cry, but I fail.

"When we got to the hospital, they gave me some gas and it made me feel better. The cramps were gone. Then, the doctor examined me and told me what I already knew. Liam was so sad. He kept telling the doctor to check again. After checking twice, he sent me to another doctor...the ob- something."

I smile weakly and wait for her to go on. "This other doctor, she scanned me and said she needed to take out what was left. I laid there alone and it was so scary, San."

I swallow. "Laim didn't go in with you?"

"No. He said it was too much for him."

I can't believe he did that. It was too much for him? How did he think _Brittany_ felt?

"Britt, why didn't you call me?"

"I don't know. Everything happened so fast. Plus, I don't think you would have picked up."

She didn't mean anything by that last comment, but it felt like a punch to the stomach. I'm such an idiot.

"Liam, um...He didn't talk to me for days, not until yesterday. He came home from his parents house and said it was best for me to go because there was nothing left between us. He said he'd never be able to look at me the same way because I had lost our baby."

"But you know it's not your fault, right?" Brittany doesn't respond and tucks her chin in. "Brittany." Her eyes look up at me but her head stays down. "It's not your fault. You need to understand that."

She pouts. "Please don't tell anyone. Don't tell Jax or Adam, okay?"

"Of course."

"I don't want anyone to know. Not yet."

"Don't worry. They won't find out. But you're going to need to come up with something to tell Jax. You know how he is."

She nods. "I'll think of something."

"You can stay here as long as you want. You can borrow my clothes while we get yours. I'll send Adam and Jax for them."

"Thanks. I'm really sorry to have surprised you with all of this."

"Don't worry. I'm glad you decided to come to me." I smile and lean in to kiss her forehead.

* * *

LAter that day the guys came over. Jax gave me a quick hug and ran to my room to see Brittany while Adam didn't bother greeting her and sat with me in the living room.

"So are you going to stop being so fucking mysterious and tell me what's going on?" He isn't very happy with me right now. I can tell because he's cursing at me and he never does that.

"She isn't feeling well. What am I suppse to do? Kick her out?"

"Yes! Why isn't she with her boyfriend?"

I glance back at my bedroom to make sure Jax and Brittany are still in there. "Adam, keep your voice down okay?"

He falls back onto the couch and crosses his arms over his chest.

"He broke up with her and kicked her out so-"

"She has other friends. Why can't she move in with one of them?"

"I don't know. Maybe she feels more comfortable with me."

"Santana, what she's doing is wrong. She's playing with you. She probably isn't even sick. She's just using that to get in here and creep up on you now that she's single."

"Adam, it's not like that. Believe me." I sigh. "Look, there's something else going on, but I can't tell you."

"Now she's making you keep secrets from me?" He's voice is rising again so I move from the recliner and sit next to him.

"Please don't be like this. I know what I'm doing."

"Whatever."

We sit in silence for a few seconds while I wait for him to cool down.

"What about Natalie? You're just going to ditch her now that Brittany is back?" His voice is much softer now, but he isn't looking at me.

"No. I talked to her about it and she was okay with Brittany staying here for a while."

He scoffs. "What an idiot."

"Hey!" I swat at his arm, but he doesn't react to it. "I need to ask you for a favor."

"Seriously?"

"I need you and Jax to go pick up Brittany's things from Liam's place."

"Are you kidding me?" He jolts off the couch. "Jax! Lets go! We're leaving!"

"Adam, pleeeeease. I can't go for obvious reasons. And I would send Jax alone but he's scared of Liam."

"Jax!" He shouts out again.

"C'mon Adam! Do it for me."

Jax walks out from my room looking down at his wrist. "Why are we leaving? You didn't even say hi to Brittany."

"I know." Adam says. His attention is caught by Jax's wrist. "Where did you get that?"

"Brittany gave it to me." He smiles at him. "It's a friendship bracelet. Cute, right?"

Adam rolls his eyes and grabs him by the arm. "Lets go."

"Bye, Santana!" Jax manages to say before Adam slams the door behind them.

I walk back to my bedroom and freeze when I see Brittany's naked back. "Oh!" I quickly turn around and stand by the door. "Sorry."

I hear her chuckle before saying, "It's okay. I'm done."

When I turn around, she's crawling back onto my bed wearing another one of my shirts and a pair of my running shorts. Once she's settled in, she pats the spot next to her. "C'mere"

I stumble forward and land next to her.

"Careful." She giggles.

I sit back against the headboard and place both hands on my lap. "So. What did you tell Jax?"

"I told him that I'm a little sick so you're going to take care of me."

"Didn't he ask what is wrong with you?"

"Yes. I told him that I would tell him once I felt better."

"Did he suspect?"

"I think he did. But he's too nice to ask."

I nod. "Did he- did he ask about Liam?"

"He did. I told him we broke up, but I made it clear to him that that's not the reason why I'm here. San." I take my eyes off my lap and turn to look at her.

"I know you're having problems with Adam because of me."

"No. It's nothing, Brit. He'll get over it."

"I don't know. Jax always takes my side and it's obvious Adam doesn't like me. I don't want to make them fight too."

"No one is fighting, Brittany. Adam is just being really over protective. He's like my big brother. That's the way he is. It's not that he doesn't like you...well it kind of is. But not because you're a horrible person, it's just because he has this image of you in his head an-"

"He thinks I'm toying with you." She says sadly. "I'm not, San. I swear."

"No, I know. But he doesn't. Once you're ready to talk and he's filled in on everything that happened, he'll change. He'll love you as much as Jax when he really gets to know the real Brittany." I smile at her. "I promise."

She returns the smile and rests her head on my shoulder. "Do you have another blanket?"

"Yeah. Where you cold last night?"

She shakes her head. "No. But I don't want to steal this one from you. You can let me borrow a smaller one so that I could sleep on the couch."

"Oh no way, Britt. You're sleeping here. I'll sleep on the couch."

"San," she whines.

"You're my guest. You need to be comfortable." I slowly lean forward, giving her time to sit up. Then, I crawl off the bed and start digging through my closet for a quilt. "Hey, guess what?"

"Chicken butt."

I give her a playful scowl before saying, "I got a promotion today."

"You did?"

"Yup. I got moved up to the editing room," I say as I pull out my favorite black quilt and grab a pillow from my bed.

"That's really great, San!" She looks like she wants to be happy for me, wel I think she is, but she's too tired to physically show it. "Congratulations."

"Yeah. It's an actual job now. Not just an internship. I got a raise too."

"That's really really awesome. I don't know a lot about recording music and stuff, but I'm sure you deserve it."

"Hell yeah I do." I start to walk towards the door. "I'm going to go make my new cradle in the living room and make us some tea to celebrate."

"Wait." Brittany says. I stop and look back at her. "Can it be hot chocolate?"

I let out a windy chuckle. "Yes," I say then walk out the door.

"With marshmallows, please" She requests.


	7. Russians and Americans

**Longest one yet! Enjoy.**

* * *

I'm really glad I didn't let Brittany sleep on the couch. I hardly got any sleep yesterday because the thing is so damn uncomfortable. I only have a few weeks with it so I guess that's part of the reason why it's so stiff.

"Ow!" I wail.

"Sorry." Natalie says, then continues massaging my back. "You feel so tense. Loosen your shoulders." She pats my arm and I roll my shoulders back, sitting up straight.. "You can't keep sleeping on the couch Santana. It's only been two nights and you're already in pain."

I'm about to correct her and say it has been one night but I keep that little fact to myself. "Yeah. I'll probably have to buy an air mattress or something."

"How's Brittany?"

"Better. I think...I mean, she seemed better yesterday."

"That's good."

"Mhm. But Adam and Jax went over to my place last night and Adam made it clear how unhappy he is about Brittany staying with me."

"What did he say?"

"He thinks she's trying to start up something with me again now that she's single."

I worry when Natalie doesn't comment on it and I make sure to reassure her nothing is going on between me and Brittany. "She isn't though. She really is going through something and needs help."

"If you say so."

I twist around on my chair to look up at her. "You don't believe me?"

She slides her hands off me and leans back against the mixing table. "I believe that that's what you believe. But I don't know if I believe Brittany's intentions. Adam might be right."

"I know that it might seem that way, but Brittany really does need help/"

"And you can't tell me with what?"

"Not yet. But as soon as she wants to tell people about it, you'll be the first one I tell."

She purses her lips and looks down. "Alright," she says, settling with my answer.

My new coworkers walk into the room and Natalie gives me a kiss on the cheek before waving goodbye and exiting through the door..

"Hi, you must be Santana." A tall dark man shakes my hand. I nod. "I'm Robert and this is Lee."

He points at a shorter and younger guy next to him.

"Nice to meet you guys." I say.

"Ready to get started?" Robert asks.

"Yup." We take our seats at the mixing table and as they start it up I pull out my phone and quickly text Brittany.

You okay?

Not too long after, she replies. Yes. Don't text while you're at work. :)

I smile and put my phone away. It's stupid, but that smiley face makes me think that she might be feeling better.

After work, I manage to find the Italian restaurant Brittany loves and pick up some dinner there. I get home with a smile and can't wait to surprise her with it. "Britt! I brought dinner." I enter the kitchen and set the food down on the kitchen island. "Britt!"

A moment later Brittany shuffles into the kitchen. She's kind of dragging her feet as she walks and doesn't look too enthusiastic when she sees our dinner.

"It's Italian," I say cheerfully. "From the place you like. Are you hungry?"

She shrugs and drops herself on one of the kitchen stools.

"You okay?"

She nods.

I don't know why she's so sad. She seemed to be okay last night and even today when I texted

her earlier. I set a plate with food in front of her and take a seat next to her.

She looks down at her plate and picks at the spaghetti with her fork.

"It's alla Carbonara. Your favorite, " I say and stuff my mouth with a forkful of pasta. I watch her from the corner of my eye as she twirls some spaghetti with her fork and brings it up to her mouth.

"I brought us dessert too if-"

"Can I just have that instead?" She asks before she puts the food in her mouth. "I shouldn't be having cravings anymore, but I really want something sweet."

"Um.. Sure." I pull out a small plastic box from the take-out bag and hand it over to her. "I got Cannoli, is that okay?"

She opens the box and picks up one of the desserts. "I've never had one before."

"Really? They're really good."

She takes a huge bite from it and swipes her finger at the corners of her mouth.

"Good?" I ask as I get up to serve myself a glass of wine.

"Mhm."

"Want some wine?"

She looks at me and chews quietly as she sets the Cannoli down.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She waits until she's done chewing and then says, "I just keep thinking about the baby. Like, how

I would be so hungry and probably done with my spaghetti by now if I hadn't- … I'd be saying no to your wine right now," she says sadly.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay. It's not your fault." She shrugs. "It's just stuff I think about."

I set my glass of wine down and approach the counter. "Is that why you're sad?" I ask and slide my hand over hers.

"I was just really excited about having a baby."

"I'm so sorry Britt." I want to tell her she will have other opportunities, but I think that sounds kind of cold hearted.

She turns her hand over and holds mine. "These are really good," she says, picking up her Cannoli with her free hand.

"Told ya." I give her a small smile.

* * *

For the following two weeks, Brittany's moods are all over the place. It's as if she's still pregnant. Some days I come home and she's somewhat happy like when Jax and Adam visited and other times she's sad and locks herself in my room all day trying to hide her sobs.

She hasn't really gotten out of the apartment at all. The only time I've seen her go out is two days ago when she offered to go down to the lobby and pick up my mail. Her boss over at the dance studio knows about her situation and gave her some time off so she's not dancing anymore either.

I work most of the day so I only get to see her in the evenings. We have fallen into a little routine. I come home, make dinner or order in, ask how she feels, she shrugs, we eat in silence, then she goes back to my room and I watch tv or read a book in the living room.

But today is Saturday and I'm so glad I get to sleep in. Work has been less hectic, but I think seeing Brittany so unhappy has been stressing me out.

I put off getting an air mattress, but the couch isn't as uncomfortable anymore. Or maybe I just got used to it being so uncomfortable. It's 10am when my phone goes off and I groan as I slap my hand around the coffee table trying to find it. When I get a grip of it, I bring it up to my ear and give a very sleepy, "Hello?"

"Santana, you're still sleeping?" Natalie has this way of judging you but making it sound like she's not. I think it's because she never raises her voice when she does it.

"It's Saturday," I answer with my eyes still closed.

"Which means you should be out enjoying your day off. Get up so I can take you out to breakfast."

"I don't wanna."

"Santana. C'mon."

I groan and sit up, finally opening my eyes. "Fine. I'm up."

"Good. Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?"

"Twenty."

"Okay, but you have to be ready Santana," she warns.

"I will."

"You always say that. Aren't you embarrassed to be known as the girl who's always late?"

"If you keep talking I'm going to need more time."

"Fine. Twenty minutes. Be ready."

"Kay. Bye."

I drop my phone on the coffee table and fight the quilt off me. I pad my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth but peek my head into my bedroom on the way and see Brittany sprawled over my bed, blonde locks covering her face.

Once I'm done in the bathroom, I try to be really quiet as I change into some clothes. Brittany is a super light sleeper so I'm surprised she doesn't wake up when knock over one of the pictures frames on my dresser.

Natalie picks me up and drives us down to a cafe in Venice Beach. She's telling me about how her brother is a total asshole for cheating on his girlfriend and I really want to pay attention, but all I'm thinking about is Brittany.

I'm pretty sure she's been to this beach before. It's the quirkiest place I've ever been to so she must love it here.

"Don't you think?" I hear Natalie ask.

I blink my eyes a few times. "What? Sorry, I spaced out."

"Are you still asleep? What time did you go to bed last night?"

"I don't know. Pretty early."

She narrows her eyes, not convinced. "Are you done eating? I'll drop you off home so you can continue your hibernation."

I pick up the last strawberry slice on my plate and pop it in my mouth. "I'm done now." I give her a smile which quickly turns into a frown.. "Ow!" I snap my hand up to my cheek.

"What's wrong?"

"My tooth. It's been bugging me for days."

"Is it a cavity?"

I massage my cheek. "Probably. It hurts so much! I'd be surprised if I don't need a root canal by now."

"Ouch." Natalie winces. "I'll take you to my dentist. He's great. Want me to make an appointment for you?"

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine."

"Santana. Stop being a baby. I'm going to call today. We'll go after work on Monday, okay?"

"Fine."

When I get home, the whole place smells like coffee and waffles.

"Oh, hey. You're back," Brittany says from the kitchen. Her hair is still damp from showering and she's wearing some of the clothes Jax and Adam picked up from Liam's place after I begged Adam a million times to go get them for her.

I walk into the kitchen and smell the scent of my shampoo. I love Brittany, I really do. And I would continue loving her even if she turned into the stinkiest person on earth. But god am I glad she decided to shower. It's been days since the last time she's done so and she was beginning to reek of sweat.

"You made waffles?" I ask, inspecting the kitchen.

"Yup. You want some?"

"No thank you. I just had a huge crape."

"Oh. Did you go out with Jax and Adam?"

"No, I went with my friend Natalie." I explain while I help her clean up the kitchen.

"You guys hang out a lot huh?"

"Um..Kinda, yeah. We work together so.."

We clean in silence. Brittany places all the ingredients back into their shelves while I wipe down the counters. I know she wants to ask more about Natalie. She's one of the most curious people I know. She's probably biting her tongue right now, trying to hold back from asking more about her. But I don't want her to ask anymore. I don't want to have to explain what Natalie and I have so I make sure to swerve away from the topic.

"Hey, I was in the room earlier today and I knocked over a picture frame. I'm so surprised you didn't wake up."

"I was awake," she states.

I throw a dirty paper towel in the trash and turn to look at her. "You were?"

She smiles. "Yeah. I'd been awake."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know," she giggles.

"You creep! You were watching me all that time? I undressed in front of you!"

She puts the milk carton back in the fridge and closes it. "San, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

I narrow my eyes and tilt my head. "Don't do it again. Perv."

Brittany chuckles and leans against the fridge. "You're looking a lot flabbier these days. Kinda like when Lord Tubbington went on a diet and lost all that weight."

I look down at myself. "No I don't. I look better than ever."

"Hmmm..I don't know. You used to have abs."

"I have abs." I lift my shirt up until it reaches my underboobs and poke my stomach. "See?"

Brittany raises an eyebrow and inspects me. "Hmm." She reaches over and pokes my stomach. "No. You're definitely losing tone."

"No I'm not! Let's see your stomach then Ms. Dancer." I step towards her and try lifting her shirt, but she slaps my hand playfully.

"Stop it!" She laughs.

"C'mon. You must be the fucking Hulk if you think I'm flabby." I reach for her shirt again, but she holds my wrist down.

"No. Stop it!"

She runs into the living room and she throws herself on the couch, her long legs outstretched in front of her as defense.

I grab her by the ankles and try shifting her legs away from me. "Move your giraffe legs out of the way!"

"No!" She yells between laughter. She pushes her feet against my stomach, making me stumble back on to the recliner. "Stay!" She says, pointing one of her feet at me.

"I'm not a dog!" We both laugh.

"No, you're more like a well trained lioness."

"Ha. ha. You're feeling better, aren't you?"

"Yeah." She sits up, her smile fading."I don't think I'll ever stop being sad about what happened, but I think it's time for me to stop moping around. I'm sorry I've been such deadweight.

"Don't say that. You should be able to deal with it however you want."

"Well either way I'm done. I called the studio to let them know I'll be back on Monday."

"That's great, Britt. Does this mean you're ready to tell people?"

"Yeah. I guess so. But don't tell anyone. I want to be the one to tell them. Well I mean, the only people you would tell are Jax and Adam, but I want to tell Jax."

"Okay. That's fine."

"Is it okay if I stay a few more weeks? Just until I find a place of my own."

"Yeah, of course. You can stay as long as you want."

"Thanks. I'll start sleeping on the couch though. And don't try to fight me about it because I already decided on it."

I sigh.

It's sad to think in a few weeks she'll be gone, but I knew it'd happen sooner or later. I just don't know what our relationship is going to be like after she moves out. She'll probably want to continue being friends. I want to be her friend, but I know I'm always going to want more. Natalie's idea of thinking of myself as a friend trying to help her and nothing more was a good one, except it was easier said than done. In the time that's she's been here, I haven't been able to separate my feelings. Yes, I need to move on, but I think to do that I need to accept the fact that I'm never going to fall out of love with her.

"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asks.

I hadn't realized I was staring at the floor.

"Oh, nothing. I- My tooth has been hurting."

"Your tooth?"

"Yeah. It's been really bugging me." I roll my tongue back and slide it along my molars.

"Oh let me see." Brittany jumps off the couch and sits on the armrest of my recliner. "Open," she directs.

My eyebrows pinch together. "What? No."

"I wanna see. Open your mouth." She grabs my chin, but I pull away. "San! Let me see! Just open your mouth. Pleeeease."

I groan and tilt my head up, opening my mouth.

"Wider," she says.

I smirk. "Wanky."

She giggles and places her hand under my chin, tilting my head back. "I don't see anything."

"Eh dah toh whon."

"The top?"

I nod and she hunches down to get a better look. "Oh! I see it! It's a little white speck! I think it's a wisdom tooth."

She tries poking at it with her finger, but I lean back and shut my mouth closed. "Brittany!"

She laughs. "I just wanted to feel it."

"It's a tooth. It feels like any other." I say and rub my cheek, feeling the pain coming back.

"Okay! Grumpy!" She leaves my side for a minute and comes back with an ice pack. "Did you know the Tooth Fairy secretly puts those teeth in our mouths to make us wiser?" She says, holding the ice pack to my cheek. "That's why they're called wisdom teeth. And that's why I'm so wise. Because I still have mine."

I smile and shake my head. It's been awhile since I've heard one of Brittany's theories.

"Are you gonna go to the dentist?" she asks.

I try to hold the ice pack myself, but she swats my hand away.

"Yeah. I'm going on Monday."

"I can take you. You're going after work right? I'll drive you."

"Actually, Natalie already offered to go with me. She's taking me to her dentist. He's supposed to be really good. Thank you though.." I take the ice pack from her and stand up. "Do you mind if I take a nap? I'm so tired."

"Why would I mind?"

"I- I just...Will you be okay here? Or maybe you want to go out or-"

"Go nap San. I'll watch tv." She gives me a tiny smile. "Oh and I changed the bed sheets so they're nice and fresh. I know I got kind of smelly. Sorry."

I laugh. "Just a little, but it's okay. Will you wake me up in a few hours?"

"Yup."

* * *

"Okay Santana." The dentist says, looking at my x-rays. "So one of your wisdom teeth is peaking through your gums. It's coming out at an angle. See that?" He asks pointing his pen at the scan. "That's why it's been hurting so much."

"So can we pull it out today?"

He chuckles. "We can, but I suggest we pull all four of them at once."

"All four? Why? Only one of them is bothering me."

"True, but the other three will come out eventually and the bottom right tooth is also set at an angle so it will hurt just as much."

I sigh. "Well, can we do it today then?"

"Sure, but you'll have to take it easy for a while. This would be an oral surgery so there might be some swelling and bleeding for a few days."

"Swelling and bleeding? I can't go into work like that."

"I suggest you schedule some time off work. Just a few days and come in on a Friday so that you'll also have the weekend to recover.

"Okay. I'll see if I can try to get some time off." I stand from the dentist chair. "Guess I'll see you next week doc."

"What did he say?" Natalie asks on the way to her car.

"It's my fucking wisdom tooth. And he said I should get all four pulled out."

"Sounds horrible but trust me, it's better to do it that way. That's what I did."

"Yeah well I still need to see if I can get a few days off at the studio." We're about to get into her car when I notice a Starbucks across the parking lot. "Hey Nat, I'll be back."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna get a drink. Want anything?"

"No, I'm good. I'll wait in the car, kay?"

"Okay."

I cross the lot to the cafe and immediately order their tallest, coldest cappuccino. When they call my name, I pick up my drink and bump into an idiot on my way out.

"Watch it!" I bark.

"Santana?"

I have to literally look up because the guy is as tall as a damn sequoia tree. "What- Finn?"

"Hi! How are you?" He gathers me into a huge, asphyxiate, bear hug. "It's so good to see you!"

"What the hell are you doing here? Where's Berry?" I look around trying to find the midget.

"She's back in New York still."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I'm back from deployment. It's only for a month, but I came to visit Puck."

"Oh right. He lives here."

He nods with the same goofy smile he has had since high school.

"But why aren't you in New York with Rachel? Did you guys finally get sick of each other? I haven't talked to her in a while, but I think she would-"

"No, no. We're still together. She's going to meet me here for the reunion. You're going right?"

"No? What reunion?"

"The Glee reunion Rachel planned."

I roll my eyes. "Of course."

"Didn't you get her email? She she said was going to send it out to everyone." His eyes shift to the side in thought. "Or maybe she told me to do it..."

"I'm sure she sent them out. I just haven't checked my email."

He smiles. "So you'll come then?"

"Yeah. I'll see if Britt wants to come too."

"I thought...You guys broke up? I mean, that's what Rachel told me."

"Yeah, we did." I nod. "But we're still friends."

"Oh! Okay. That makes sense. It was always obvious you guys were going to always be together one way or another."

My brow shrugs. "Yeah...So when is this going down?"

"Uh...August fourrr...? Or fourteen. I'm not really sure."

"It's okay. I'll check Rachel's email." I smile at him. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but it was actually nice seeing you again Finn."

"You too." He wraps his arms around me again, lifting me an inch off the ground.

"Okay." I say, wiggling out of his embrace. "I'll see you in a few weeks okay?"

"Yeah! See you!"

I walk back to Natalie's car in a hurry, trying to escape the Californian sun.

"What took you so long?" Natalie asks.

"I ran into a friend."

"Oh? You have friends?"

I narrow my eyes at her. "Yes, I have friends. He's a friend from high school. Apparently there's going to be a reunion.

"Are you going?"

"Don't know. Probably. I hate to admit it, but I miss the losers from high school."

* * *

"Britt! Guess wh-" I close my apartment door and freeze when I see Brittany bent over in her skin tight yoga leggings. "What are you doing?"

"Stretching?"

"Why?

"Because I just gave a class and I feel like I need to stretch more." She explains. Her head is peeking between her legs as she talks and it's very distracting so I move to the couch.

"Guess who I ran into today."

"Ummm...Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

"Russian or American?"

My eyebrows scrunch. "We don't know any Russians."

"Ah! so American?"

"Yes. American."

"Does he have big ears or a small chin?"

"Finn. I ran into Finn."

"Oh," she straightens up and takes turns stretching her arms over her head.

"Yeah. He's home from the Army for like a month or something so he's visiting Puck right now. Isn't that crazy?"

"Mhm."

"He said Rachel is organizing a Glee reunion. Have you gotten any emails from her?

"Yeah. I got one."

"About the reunion?"

She nods as she chugs her water.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I thought you had gotten it too."

"I haven't checked my email, but we're going right?"

"I don't know. I don't think I am." She picks up her yoga mat and rolls it up.

"What? Why not?"

"I just don't want to. I'm going to take a shower." She says and then leaves to the bathroom.

"Brittany. Wait!" I follow her and swing the bathroom door open without a warning. "Why don't you want to go? Don't you want to see everyone?"

"Meh." She strips down to her underwear.

I somehow manage to cease my leering and ask, "Can you just stop undressing for a second?"

"I need to take my clothes off. I'm going to shower."

"I know, but just tell me why you don't want to go. You're the one that said you we're going to be friends with them forever."

"I just don't San. Please get out or I'm going to get naked infront of you."

"You need to have a reason. You can't just say 'I don't want to.'"

She lets her hair loose from its pony tail.. "My underwear is going off now," she warns.

"Just tell me why." I insist.

Brittany hooks her thumbs around her panties and begins shimmying out of them.

I grunt in annoyance and leave the bathroom, not giving myself a chance to peek at her naked body.

I really can't understand why she doesn't want to go to the reunion though. It's obvious there's a reason, but she doesn't want to tell me. Last time I checked, she loved everyone in Glee Club. She had even mentioned wanting to go to Mike and Tina's wedding. And according to my source during the year of 2013, Rachel, she became close friends with them when she repeated her Senior year.

I'm sitting in the living room, watching tv, when Brittany finishes showering and tries to sneak her way into my bedroom.

"I know you're done showering," I inform her from my place on the couch.

I hear the door click when she closes it and I give her some time to put some clothes on before I go knock on it. "Brittany, I'm coming in."

"I'm getting dressed." I hear her say.

"It's been like fifteen minutes. What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed.."

I decide to take my chances and open the door a tiny bit. I push my head through the gap and see Brittany laying on my bed, fully dressed, her back against my pillows and her laptop on her lap.

"Will you tell me why you don't want to go to the reunion?" I ask, sitting indian style next to her.

"I already did."

I roll my eyes and lean towards her, getting a glimpse at her computer. "What are you doing?"

"I'm looking up what's going to happen to you after you get your wisdom tooth pulled out."

"What do you mean? Nothing's going to happen."

"Well, you're not going to be wise anymore. That's a given." She turns to me and gives me a playful smile.

"I'll always be wise," I say, matching her smile. "What are you really doing?"

"Just trying to find out what's it going to be like after so that I know how to take care of you."

"Britt, you don't have to do that."

She shrugs. "You did it for me. That's what we do. We take care of each other."

I feel my heart warm up. "Well I might need some help. I'm getting all four pulled so..."

She turns to look at me with widened eyes.. "You are? When?"

"Ugh, yes. I have to make an appointment for it, but I'm guessing it'll be soon."

"I'll drive you this time. Your... friend.. hasn't offered to take you again has she?"

"Not yet, but-"

"Okay good. Tell her not to worry. I'll be taking you. And I'll also be your personal nurse so let her know she doesn't have to check on you or anything."

My pulse quickens at the thought of Brittany taking care of me and I get goosebumps. .

She notices. "Are you cold?" She runs her hand up and down my arm.

"Y-yeah a little." I clear my throat. "Hey! You're not getting off that easy."

"What?"

"Tell me why you don't want to go to the the reunion."

"Look," she begins, looking back at the computer screen. "It says your cheeks might swell. You're going to look like a cute little chipmunk." She giggles.

"Brittany."

"Fine." she sighs and closes her laptop. "I don't want to go because they're not nice."

"Who? The Glee Club?"

She nods.

"What are you talking about?"

"They weren't nice to you when you came out. Specially Finn. I don't like him."

I'm confused. Brittany had never mentioned her dislike for any of them. "Are you serious?"

She nods again. "He's really mean and selfish. Rachel can be the same way sometimes. I guess that's why they like each other."

"Well...I can see why you don't like them, but what about the rest?"

"I like them. Well some. I like Tina and Mike. Artie and Sugar too. They were really nice to me during the extra year I stayed at McKinley, but even they weren't too helpful when Finn forced you to come out. None of them were. That's why I couldn't care less if I never saw any of them again."

"But Britt, that was a long time ago. People change. I mean, just look at me. I changed a lot during high school. Maybe they've changed during these past years."

"I don't know. Maybe...I guess it'd be nice to see them, but not Finn. He's a big jerk. He forced you to share a part of you that you weren't ready to share and then he just fixed it by singing that stupid song and everyone thought it was enough...Even you."

"You didn't?"

"Of course not," she quickly replies. "It should have been a lot more than a sorry song." She takes a minute and seems to be thinking about something. "He treated Kurt the same way and got away with that too. All he had to do was _apologize_ so that he could go on and be even meaner to you. He's such a hypocrite and no one ever told him how much of a douchebag he is. They all just praised him instead."

I'm left in awe by Brittany's revelation. I had no clue this was the way she felt about our friends.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Like during high school?

"You seemed to be content with Finn's apology so I just let it go. I didn't want to start any problems between anyone. Specially between you and me."

"It wouldn't have been a problem Britt. You should have told me."

She sighs. "Sorry."

I take a deep breath. "We don't have to go to the stupid reunion okay?"

"No. You should go. I'm sure they'll want to see you."

"I won't go if you don't."

Her lips press together in disapproval. "Santana. Just go, okay?"

"Nope. I'm not going." I lay down on my side and snuggle against one of my pillows. "It's nap time." I say and close my eyes but snap them open when I feel her shifting next to me. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for nap time."

She turns her back towards me and reaches for my arm, draping it over her rib cage. "Is this okay?"

I swallow. "Yeah. It's okay."


	8. When Some Things Become Clear

Thank you to those who have reviewed!

And a special thanks to HeyaBrittanaSnixx for your enthusiasm. :)

* * *

The last thing I remember is being told to count down from ten. I think I only got up to eight before I passed out.

Now a blurry Brittany is standing in front of me and next to the Dentist. She's bent down just a bit and is saying something, but all I'm doing is laughing because of how her breath feels on my face.

"You're tickling me," I mumble.

She smiles wide and turns her attention to the Dentist. He speaks for a moment and Brittany listens and nods intently.

Her hair looks so pretty. It's down and wavy and it looks lighter than usual. She's wearing a light blue jacket which brings out the color in her eyes even more. She looks so, so beautiful. I want to tell her that.

I reach for her hand but miss. She turns to me and grings. "Hang on, honey."

I slouch back onto the chair and wait for her to finish talking. I'm starting to feel like a child, but I don't really care. I feel so good right now. I want to smile for no reason. I look up and try to count the dots on the ceiling, but they just won't stop moving.

Brittany slips her arm around my waist and helps me off the chair.

"I can walk," I protest. "I'm not drunk."

"I know," she says but doesn't let go.

She leads me out the Dentist's office and into the passenger seat of her car. As she buckles me in, I smell the scent of her perfume. It's the same one she wore in high school.

"You smell good. Really really really reeeeeeally good."

"Thanks, San," she says sweetly. After she makes sure all my limbs are tucked neatly into the car, she shuts the door and makes her way to the driver's seat.

I bring my hand up to my face and run my fingers over my mouth. "I can't feel my lipsah!"

"I know. It's because of the gas they gave you," Brittany explains.

"I don't think they're there Britt."

"They're there." She flips down the sun visor and slides the little mirror open. "See?"

I look at myself in the mirror. My lips are there, but I still can't feel them.

"But I can't feel them. They're invisible."

Brittany chuckles. "You're not making any sense." She turns the car on and begins driving us home.

My legs and arms are starting to tingle and I worry I'm being invaded by ants. "There's ants on me!" I slap my thighs over my jeans a few times in an attempt to get rid of them.

"Santana, stop it." Brittany catches my left wrist with her hand and holds it still. "There's nothing there, silly."

I sit still for a minute and close my eyes.

Brittany's hand is still on mine when she asks, "Are you okay?"

"Why didn't you come with me to the moon?"

"You haven't gone to the moon, sweetie. Not yet at least."

"I could have taken care of you, you know? We could have gotten a little moon house to live in and a moon friend for Lord Fatso."

"San..."

I finally open my eyes and turn to look at her. I can see her better now. "Why didn't you come with me?"

She lets go of my hand and grips the steering wheel instead.

"Britt?"

"San, lets just get you home okay?"

The rest of the ride to my apartment is quiet. I try to keep my eyes open because whenever I close them I see the passing trees and buildings going one-hundred times faster. Once we get home Brittany quickly comes to my aid.

"I can do it," I say. I get off the car and make it to the stairs before I trip on the first one and nearly fall flat on my face. Brittany catches me by my arm and waist, helping me into the elevator. I wiggle out of her grip and walk ahead once the elevator doors open. I lean against the wall as I wait for her to open the apartment door in silence. My mouth is starting to taste like metal so as soon as I make it inside, I go to the kitchen sink and spit out whatever is in there.

"You're not supposed to spit," Brittany says from the living room.

"Then what the hell am I supposed to do?"

She comes into the kitchen with a small plastic bag and pulls out a few gauzes. "Here. Give me the ones in your mouth."

"I have some in my mouth?" I stick my fingers in my mouth and pull out the little clothes at the far corners. "They're full of blood," I say more to myself than to Brittany.

"Mhm. Let's change them." She folds a few gauzes and hands me them one by one as I stuff them in my mouth. "Want to lay down?"

I nod and walk to my room. I was hoping to be left alone, but Brittany follows me. She makes sure she gets to my bed first and fixes a few pillows for me.

"Thank you," I mutter, the new gauzes making it difficult for me to speak.

I lay down and cross my hands over my stomach.

"You feel okay?" Brittany asks. "The Dentist said you will start feeling some pain in an hour or two, but he gave you some pain killers for it."

"Okay." The weight of my body is coming back little by little and my lips are beginning to get some feeling back too. I know this feeling of being high or drunk or whatever won't last long. I'm always braver when I'm drunk. And even though I'm not really under the influence of alcohol right now, I am a little drugged. And it's giving me the same feeling of 'I can do anything' that liquor gives me.

"Why didn't you go to Boston with me?" I managed to say with the gauzes still in my mouth.

Brittany avoids my gaze and picks at the loose ends of her favorite pillow. "I thought you didn't want to talk about this."

"I don't, but I'm kind of high right now so it's now or never."

She locks eyes with me and sucks her bottom lip into her mouth. "You already know why."

I pull the gauzes out from my mouth, ready to talk about this. "You know I never believed it. You wouldn't just stop loving me from one day to another for no reason."

"We should talk about this later. You need to keep those in your mouth," she says, pointing at the gauzes.

I make no move to put the clothes back in place.

She sighs. "I just...I needed to do what was best for you."

I squint. "What?"

"It was so difficult to make you understand that staying in Lima with me wasn't the best option. Your mom and I talked about it an-"

"Wait. My mom told you to break up with me?"

"What? No. We just talked and agreed Boston was your best option. She said it was up to me if I wanted to go with you or not. We both just wanted what was best for you."

"You guys don't get to choose what's best for me, Brittany."

"And we didn't. We just helped you realize it. You knew all along but needed some help admitting it to yourself."

"Okay...So if you got me to go to Boston why didn't you come with me? Why hurt me and try to make me believe you didn't feel the same about me anymore?"

"You have to understand I never meant to hurt you like that. I mean, I knew I would hurt you, but it was the only way you would go. You needed to concentrate on your goals. Your mom paid a lot of money for you to go to school and I didn't want you taking care of me all the time. You needed to worry about yourself. I would've just been a burden."

"Don't say that. You never were and never will be a burden. I had a plan remember? You could have finished school there. And I would have worked full-time while you graduated. I could have started school after that. And if we needed any money we could have used what my mom gave me or I could have taken out a loan." I know there's blood oozing out from my wounds because I can taste it, but I really want to get this out now. "We could have made it work, Britt."

She shakes her head. "Are you listening to yourself? All that you just said. I would have made it so much more difficult for you. Me not going meant you got to live in a dorm and not in some crappy apartment. You would go to school and not worry about finding a job or borrowing money. I couldn't do that to you, San."

My head is starting to spin and I don't know if it's because of Brittany or the surgery I just had.

"Are you okay?" She asks, concerned.

I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. "I don't feel good."

"Here," she says, handing me a few more gauzes. She waits until I push them in my mouth then leaves the room for a minute and comes back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. "You should take these now."

I force the pills down and keep my eyes closed. I'm trying to think about what Brittany said but I can't focus. And the fact that she's next to me, watching me like a hawk, doesn't help.

As if she could read my mind, she speaks up and asks, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No. I- No, it's fine," I say, my eyes still closed.

I feel her move around until she lays her head on the pillow next to me. She's laying on her side, facing me, her hands tucked under her cheek. She keeps her distance, but I can still feel her light breathing on my face.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

I guess she's apologizing for breaking my heart and letting me go to Boston alone, but I'm in so much distress that I can't even begin to be mad at her.

"It's okay," I breathe out.

We lay in silence. I pretend to fall asleep and chance a look at her after a few minutes. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is partly open, letting me know she is indeed asleep. I wait half an hour before I get up leave the room.

* * *

"So she broke your heart...to help you?" Jax asks, still somewhat confused.

I nod. "She meant well. And I guess I would have done the same thing if I were in her place but that doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have made such a choice for the both of us." I sigh. "But it's in the past now. There's no point in dwelling on it. I can't change what happened."

"Santana," Adam begins. "Since we're talking about Brittany...Jax told me the real reason why she stayed here. I'm sorry I was so...I was an ass. Sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't know. But it'd be nice if you apologized to her."

He nods quietly. "I will. How is she feeling now?"

"She's better. She's back to work so she's getting her mind off it, but I can tell she still thinks about it a lot."

"Poor Brittany." Jax comments. "She's lucky you were here for her."

"I didn't really do much. I didn't _know _what to do, but I'm happy she came to me."

"Well, hey! Now that she's single and the whole break up thing was cleared up maybe you guys can try getting back together."

"I don't think so, Jax. I mean, she seemed to be was pretty happy with Liam before he became an asshole. She obviously moved on."

The front door opens and in comes Brittany, her pale skin glistening with a light coat of sweat. She slips her running shoes off by the door and looks up as she pulls her earbuds out from her ears.

"Oh! Hi, guys!" She makes her way over to the table and sets a brown paper bag in front of me. "I brought you something," she says, then greets Jax with a cheery kiss on the cheek before turning to Adam and giving him a timid smile and a hello.

"Hi. How was your run?" Adam asks in his friendliest tone.

He really is trying.

Brittany seems surprised by the question but happy to get more than a 'hey' from him.

"It was great!" she answers cheerfully. "And I got you soup, San."

"Oh, thanks." I open the bag and take out a small bowl. "Where is it from?"

"Um...I don't remember the name, but it's from a little chinese restaurant nearby."

I lift the lid and instantly turn my face away from it.

"Oh my god! That smells horrible!" Jax whines, hiding his nose under his t-shirt.

"Britt, what the hell is this? It looks like pig intestines! And it smells like it too." I put the lid back on and slide it away from me.

Brittany frowns. "But the lady at the restaurant said they were really soft. You need to eat soft foods."

Adam chuckles from behind his cup of coffee and Brittany's frown turns into a sad pout.

"It's really sweet of you to have gotten me this, but I don't think I can eat it, Britt."

"Okay...Well...I can make you some tomato soup?"

I shake my head. "No more soup. Not that your soups are bad or anything. I love your soups."

She smiles. "Then what you would you like?"

"I would like for you to sit down and take a breather. Jax here," I say, patting him on the back. "Is going to make me some delicious mashed potatoes. Aren't you, Jax?"

He rolls his eyes and gets up off the chair. "I suppose."

Brittany moves next to me and strokes my cheek with the back of her index finger. I freeze and dart my eyes between her and Adam, who is watching us with interest.

"Your cheeks didn't swell as much as I thought they would." She turns my face slightly with her knuckle and caress my other cheek the same way. "I wanted you to look like the cute little squirrels when they fill their mouths with nuts."

Adam snorts a laugh. "I don't think this little squirrel would eat nuts."

"Shut up, Adam!" I take Brittany's hand in mine and pull it away from my face.

"I don't get it." Brittany says innocently.

"Because Santana is gay. She wouldn't eat nuts." Adam explains, expecting this to be enough for Brittany to understand.

"...Oh! Yeah, I get it." Brittany forces a giggle and I know she didn't really get it. "Um...You're not bleeding anymore are you?"

"A little bit," I answer.

"Have you been poking at your sockets with your tongue again?"

"No."

She gives me a stern look.

"I haven't!"

"Did you rinse this morning?" She asks as she turns to leave for the bathroom.

"Yes."

"Okaaaay. You better not be lyingggg."

"I'm not, Brittany."

She walks away with a chuckle and I turn to see Adam shaking his head with a smirk. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing..."

* * *

That night, as I'm getting ready for bed, Brittany sneaks into the bathroom with me while I inspect the four new holes in my mouth through the mirror. She sits on the closed toilet seat in a pair of boy briefs and the turtle shirt my aunt gave me. "Nice shirt," I say.

She glances at the top then looks up at me and smiles from ear to ear. "I think so."

Her briefs are dangerously short and I'm trying really hard not to look. I guess she ditched the duck pajama pants since I last saw her.

I can't say that I miss them, but I really wish she would choose longer pajama bottoms, at least while she's staying with me. I would breathe a lot easier, but Brittany is Brittany. She has always been extremely comfortable with her body, which is understandable because who wouldn't be comfortable with their body when you look like _that_.

"Do they hurt?" She asks, interrupting my train of thought.

"Not anymore. It's just weird having holes in my mouth." I cup some water in my hands and rinse my mouth out. I'm careful not to spit it out too forcefully because according to Brittany, I'm not suppose to.

"I talked to Adam today," Brittany informs me.

I look at her through the mirror as I wipe my mouth with a hand towel. "Oh, you did?"

"Mhm. When I came back out, after my shower." She raises her right foot onto the toilet seat cover and rests her chin on her knee. "He said Jax talked to him about-" she hesitates. "About me. About what happened."

I turn around and face her, my butt leaning against the sink. "I hadn't talked to him about it yet. I hope it's okay that Jax did."

She nods. "Yeah, it's fine. It just...It was a little weird cause...well, I don't really know Adam... like at all. And him coming to talk to me about it was a little weird. He kinda scares me and I know he doesn't like me so-"

"What did he say?" Did he offend you?"

She shakes her head. "No, no. He was really nice and understanding. That's why it was weird. He said he was sorry for being so rude to me and he asked if I had been to a doctor and stuff."

"Oh... Well, see? He's a nice guy. I'm glad everything is clear and there's no more secrets. Now you guys can really get to know each other."

"Yeah, that'd be nice.

I'm about to suggest we get to bed when she speaks up again. "He also said he wouldn't interfere with our business anymore." She says it in a really low voice, like she's unsure if she should say it at all.

I look down at her. Her chin is back on her knee and she's looking up at me with only her eyes.

"Business?" I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. I mean, I'm pretty sure I know what Adam was talking about and I think Brittany does too, but I don't know how she feels about it.

Wait, what am I saying? We _don't _have any business. We're just friends. Nothing has happened between us since we met again. So we might have fallen asleep together a few times. Friends do that. I slept with Quinn back in high school. It didn't mean anything because nothing happened, not like it ever would. She's completely psycho-

I'm going to stop myself right there. I'm too old to be considering if falling asleep in the same bed means something. Of course it doesn't.

"He's weird," I say. "Let's go to bed?"

She slides off the toilet and follows me out of the bathroom. "Night, San," she says before heading towards the couch.

I feel really bad about her sleeping on the couch, but I would also feel really weird if I willingly invited her to sleep with me. But sleeping in the same bed doesn't mean anything, I just decided that. I stand in the hall watching her pull the blankets back and slip under them.

I've argued with myself enough for today. "Night, Britt," I say, and slip into my room but don't close the door completely. I never do. I don't know why. It's a habit I guess.

When I lived with my parents, I always left the door open just an inch so that I'd be able to hear when my mom was coming up the stairs. And it worked every time, because I never got caught smoking that bag of weed Puck gave me, or looking up sex education websites, or practicing what I Iearned with Brittany.

I lay on my bed only to feel my phone stab my lower back. "Ow." I pull it from under me and see that I have a missed call from Natalie.

Shit. I haven't called or even texted her since I got my teeth pulled. It's 11 pm. Not too late. I dial her number and wait for her to answer.

"Hey, stranger. Glad to know you're alive."

"Nat, I'm so sorry I haven't called you. I've been kind of out of it with the whole teeth thing."

"It's ok. I just wanted to know how you're feeling."

"I'm okay. It was hell yesterday, but I'm feeling better now."

"Did you swell?"

"A little bit. It's not too bad."

She chuckles. "Send me a picture."

"No! It's not that bad. You can't really tell."

"Fineee. I'm glad you're doing okay. Are you going in to work on Monday?"

"Yeah. I think I'll be good to go by then."

"That's good." She exhales sharply. "I kinda miss you. Just a little bit. I'm not like dying without you or anything but..."

I smile. She can be so cute sometimes. "I miss you too. What are you doing tomorrow? Want to hang out?"

"I can't." She groans. "They're sending me to San Diego to close a deal, but I can't wait to see you on Monday."

"I can't wait either." I can feel my cheeks getting warmer. I feel so stupid she can't even see me and I'm blushing. "I'll let you get some sleep. Good luck in San Diego."

"Thank you. Take care of your wounds."

"I will."

"Alright. Goodnight, babe."

"Night." I end the call and drop my phone next to me. I begin settling underneath my duvet but stiffen when I hear the wood floor outside my door creak. "Britt?" I call out but get no response. I shake my heavy covers off of me and walk towards the door. "Brittany?" I whisper. Looking down the hall, I see Brittany laying on the couch. The blankets are bundled underneath her and her back is facing my way. "Britt..." I try again.

She doesn't move a muscle so I get back to bed and try to fall asleep.


	9. Old Habits Die Hard

When I wake up the next morning, Brittany has already left for her morning run. I should probably start running too. My gym membership ended one month ago and I haven't worked out since. Although I still look amazing, I am starting to feel lazier as the days go by. Maybe Adam can get me in for free at his brother's gym.

I jump in the shower and expect Brittany to be back by the time I'm done, but she's not, so I decide to get breakfast started. As I scramble some eggs in a pan, I realize how quiet it is in here. It's quiet because Brittany is missing. I hadn't noticed how alive this place feels when she's around. She's always so full of energy, laughing her head off at some ridiculous movie, or turning the radio up when she's stretching after a long dance class.

It's going to be really hard getting used to the silence once she moves out.

I'm waiting for her to come home so we can eat breakfast, but she's taking longer than usual. The eggs are starting to get cold, but I don't want to eat without her so I make myself some coffee and decide to wait some more.

The floor creaking beneath my feet as I move around the kitchen reminds me of last night. I didn't think too much of it then, but I think Brittany might have been listening in on my conversation with Natalie. The floor doesn't make noises unless there's someone walking around and I doubt she fell asleep so soon. She was probably going to come into my room to tell me something but decided not to when she heard me talking to Natalie. It would've been fine if she came in though. I'll have to tell her about Natalie and I sooner or later.

One cup of coffee later, Brittany is still not home. I look at my phone. 11:30 am. At this rate we'll be having brunch.

I type out a quick message telling her I made breakfast and asking her if she'll be home anytime soon. She texts me a few minutes later. _I'm at Jenny's house. I'm gonna hang out here 2day but enjoy ur breakfast :)_

Who the hell is Jenny? Oh wait, I think that's her friend from Salton.

I'm a little disappointed because we hardly have a proper breakfast together, but I guess there'll be other opportunities._Oh ok. I'll see you later today then._

Her next reply comes quicker this time. _Yeah. C ya!_

I exhale loudly. It's Sunday morning and everyone seems to be busy. It makes me want to go out and do something or hang out with someone.

Brittany's at her friends. Natalie is in San Diego...I'll call Jax. He and Adam are always up for anything.

He picks up after the fourth ring and clears his throat before he speaks. "Hey, Santana!"

"Hey. Wanna do something? I don't want to stay in."

"I can't."

I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn't. "Okaaay. Why?"

"Cause. Adam and I are going to visit his parents."

"Augh."

"Sorry! We can go out next weekend, if you want?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Have fun."

"Will try! Bye!"

"Bye."

Well I can go out by myself. It's not like I _need _to have someone with me at all times, even if it's way more fun when I'm with Brittany..or just like.. .

I sigh and turn on the tv. Netflix has the same old stupid movies. Brittany has been watching the same one for the past week. She urges me to join her every time she sits down to watch it, but I refuse. I don't watch anything with Ryan Reynolds in it, but I guess I'll give it a try today.

I spend the day walking back and forth between the couch and the fridge. I'm eating a lot more than usual because I'm bored. That's why I never like staying home.

I order a pizza for dinner and pass out on the couch after I eat a little less than half of it. The distant sound of the front door closing wakes me up and I see Brittany, still in her running clothes, trying to sneak past me and into the kitchen.

"Hey," I say, sitting up.

She stops next to the couch and looks down at the open pizza box. "Hungry?" she asks mockingly.

"A little bit." I stretch my arms over my head and yawn. "Want some?"

"Sure." She sits on the recliner and grabs a slice of pizza. "What did you watch?"

"Your favorite movie."

"Finding Nemo?"

I chuckle. "No. Just Friends."

"Oh..." She tears the hanging cheese off the pizza and places it over the slice before taking a small bite. "Did you like it?"

"Well, it was funny..."

"So you liked it?"

"Yeah. It was relatable...I know a little about his struggle."

"But he got the girl in the end," Brittany reminds me.

"Yeah, he did. But it's a movie. He's obviously going to be happy in the end."

She quickly chews the pizza in her mouth and swallows. "But it can happen in real life too."

My bottom lip pushes outwards and I shrug. "Yeah, I guess." I look up at her and find her staring at me, like if she's waiting for me to say something else. "So, did you have fun at Jenny's?"

She frowns. "Where? Oh! Oh, yeah. We just hanged out." She nods. "Just talked."

"Did you run to her house? How far does she live?"

"She doesn't live too far. I was already on my way back here when she called me and invited me over so I just walked there."

"Oh. Did you walk back? It's kind of late."

"No, she drove me here."

"Oh, that's good..." I begin feeling awkward for some reason. Maybe it's because of all the questions that I just asked. "Well, I'll clean up here so you can get some rest." I get up and begin clearing the coffee table off of everything that's on it. She finishes her slice of pizza and grabs the pizza box, following me into the kitchen.

Once I'm done washing my wine glass, I put the wine bottle away and turn to leave to my room. "Goodnight," I say.

Brittany, who was next to me fixing some random dishes, quickly turns and gets in my way. I raise my brows, surprised at the sudden roadblock. But what she does next surprises me even more.

She tilts her head down to match my height and gives me a shy peck on the cheek. When she pulls away she avoids my eyes and goes back to fixing the dishes. "Goodnight," she says almost in a whisper.

I watch her stack the dishes in their place, completely taken aback. A kiss on the cheek isn't anything to freak out about, but since we saw each other again there hasn't been that kind of intimacy between us. We've held hands in a friendly manner and cuddled once, but that's it. Her lips haven't been this close to mine in years, and I'm sure that if I the kiss hadn't been so sudden, I would've gotten butterflies in my stomach.

"Goodnight," I say again, and force myself towards my bedroom.

* * *

"Wow. A miscarriage. That's...rough." Natalie shifts on her seat. "I would've never thought, in a million years, that that's what was going on with her."

"But it was...unfortunately. You get why I couldn't tell you right?"

"Yeah, definitely." She pauses. "But...is she okay now?"

"Well, physically she is, but I don't think she'll ever be emotionally okay with it. I mean, she lost her baby..." I shake my head and shrug, lost for words.

"But wait, what about her boyfriend?"

"Ugh. He's a total scumbag. He kicked her out right after," I say, trying to keep my tone even. "He said something about not being able to think about her the same way and kicked her out. How fucking heartless is that? He obviously didn't love her." I wish I hadn't said that last part. I sounded completely defensive and she obviously noticed, because she takes a deep breath and says, "Well, good thing you were there for her."

"Yeah...She should be moving out soon though," I tell her, trying to prove something to her, but I don't know what. "She said she will start looking for an apartment and will move out in a few weeks."

Natalie nods and rubs her arm awkwardly.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She looks up and gives me a weak smile. "Nothing. Ready to go?" She looks at her watch. "I think my lunch break was over about twenty minutes ago."

"Sure. My treat today." I signal the waiter for our check and find it strange when Natalie doesn't fight me about who will pay but instead looks out the window, deep in thought.

We walk back to the studio in almost complete silence and she gives me a quick peck on the cheek before leaving for her office.

When I get to my apartment building that afternoon, I feel a little worried and excited at the same time. I'm pretty sure it's because of the kiss last night. I didn't get a chance to interact with Brittany this morning because I overslept and rushed out of the apartment, but I'll be able to tell what the kiss meant by the way she acts when I walk in through the front door, which I am now standing in front of. I shake my nervous hands at my sides and swing the door open. "Oh."

Brittany jolts off the couch. "Santana."

"Hi. Who's this?" I ask, staring at the man sitting on my couch.

"Um...This is Liam."

Liam gives me a small wave with the same hand which not one minute ago had been holding Brittany's.

I feel my jaw tighten and I step closer to them. "What is he doing here?" My eyes still piercing on him.

"I just came to talk to her," he says, standing up off the couch. He's easily as tall as Finn, but it's the last thing I'm thinking about. I really want to reach up and punch him on the face.

Brittany steps in between us. "We were just talking, San. It's fine," she reassures me, her eyes begging for me not to do anything stupid.

I clench my fists until some of my fingers crack. "He needs to leave." I look over the top of Brittany's head at Liam. "You need to go."

He grabs his jacket off the couch and moves past us towards the door. "Brittany, can I talk to you outside?"

She's still standing in front of me, so I watch her as we wait for her answer. She looks unsure of what to do and keeps looking back and forth between Liam and me, like a confused todler.

"Brittany..." I whisper.

She touches my arm momentary. "I'll be back."

I close my eyes in disappointment and wait until I hear the door behind me close before I leave to my room. I want to be mad at Brittany for following him outside, but I have no right. I'm really scared that she's out there forgiving him and will come back in here to get her things and leave. Liam came here to apologize and ask for another chance. What other reason would he have for being here. But I don't want Brittany to go. I especially don't want her to go with _him_.

I anxiously wait in my room for her return. I know the first thing she'll do is come in here and talk to me. I'll have to push down my feelings and opinions and support whatever she decides to do.

I move to my closet and begin hanging all her clothes on the far right end. If she does decide to leave, I want it to be as painful and as quickly as possible. I don't want to have any time to discretely beg her to stay.

I'm so concentrated in my own thoughts that I don't hear when shes comes in the room.

"San," she says, stepping closer to me. "What are you doing?" Her voice is soft.

"Just fixing my closet." I pretend to fix my own clothes and stay away from hers.

"Why did you separate our clothes?"

"I didn't. I'm just fixing the closet." I keep my attention on my wardrobe even after she stands next to me and faces me.

"Did you think I was leaving?"

"No." I pause and pretend to look for something on the floor. "Are you?"

"No," she says, shaking her head. "Unless you want me to."

"Why would I want you to leave?" The question shoots out my mouth before I can think twice about it.

I glance at her and notice her mouth is formed into a tiny smile. She takes me by the hand and leads me to my bed until we're both sitting down.

"Liam came to apologize." Just like I suspected. "He said he was sorry for the way he treated me and he realizes how selfish he has been."

"Took him awhile," I say angrily. "He's pretty slow for a Geologist." I wait for Brittany to say something like, "_San." _or "_Don't be mean."_ But she doesn't, so I continue. "So what? Did he tell you to go back home with him?" I realize I'm not doing a very good job at keeping my opinions and feelings to myself, but I don't care anymore.

"No. He just wanted to say he was sorry."

"Oh...Would you though?

"Would I what?"

"Would you have gone with him? If he asked you."

"No, 'course not. I'm happy here. I'm don't want to be with him."

I swallow as I feel a warmth spread at the pit of my stomach. "I'm glad you feel comfortable here."

When Brittany and I were together, she used to have this habit. A habit that I loved. A habit that got me excited and nervous all at once. Whenever we spoke face to face, Brittany would always glance at my lips. It didn't matter who was the one speaking. She always had staring contests with my lips. You'd think she'd want to kiss me, but most of the time she wouldn't. It took me a while, but I figured out why she did it. It was her own little sneaky way of getting _me _to kiss _her_. She knew that if she stared at my lips long enough, I would eventually find hers extremely appealing and attack them with my own.

It was a habit that I loved. A habit which I knew had hidden intentions, yet I fell for it every time. It was a habit which made me get those stupid butterflies in my stomach and a habit which has suddenly reappeared.

She is staring at my lips with soft eyes and a matching smile. I part them, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing gets said. Brittany's smile fades. She moves half an inch closer and the tiniest gasp escapes my mouth. She doesn't move any further and looks at me in the eye.

I stand up and giggle nervously. "I'm- You did that thing."

"What thing?" She stares at me with her most innocent look.

"Uh- the- I...Brittany."

"What?"

We look at each other for a few seconds without a saying a word. "Nevermind. Are- Do you want to help me? With dinner," I say, still feeling flustered.

"Okay." She calmly slides off my bed and leads the way to the kitchen.

* * *

The following morning, I make sure I wake up earlier than usual to catch Brittany before she takes off on her run. "Brittany..." I say, groggily.

She finishes pulling on her running shorts by the closet then comes and sits on my bed. "Good morning. Did I wake you?"

I shake my head and rub my eyes, trying to get rid of the blurriness. "Can I go running with you?"

She looks surprised. "You want to go running?"

"Yes. Why are you so surprised?"

"You don't like running."

"I didn't like running when Sue made us do it during practice, but I do like running on my own."

Brittany smiles and gently moves a strand of hair away from my face. "You look so cute when you wake up."

I feel heat creep up my cheeks. I don't know what to say to that, but Brittany saves me from the embarrassment as quickly as she put me on the spot.

"C'mon then!" She hops off the bed. "Get dressed."

When I said I liked running, I lied. I hate running. I don't care what's the reason behind it. I just don't like it. Spinning classes and light weights are how I keep in shape. Never ever do I incorporate any kind of running in my workouts. I have no clue why Brittany loves it so much. She always has.

"Brittany!" I pant. "Can we maybe take a break?" I'm running a few steps behind her. When I first fell behind, I forgot about being tired for a few minutes because the view from here is great, but my legs are aching really bad now. I can't ignore how tired I am anymore.

"We've only ran like-" she looks at her ipod. "A mile."

"Which is an accomplishment for me. Can we please stop?"

She looks over her shoulder at me.

"Please, Britt." I don't wait for an answer and bring myself to a halt, bending over and resting my hands on my knees. Brittany stops a few feet ahead of me and walks back to join me.

"I thought you said you liked running." She says as she rubs my back.

"I guess I lied. I don't know how you do it." I'm still trying to catch my breath.

"Here." She hands me her water bottle and I drink from it enthusiastically. "Hey, um. I was thinking about the reunion."

I stand up straight and bring the bottle away from my lips. "Yeah?"

She nods. "It's coming up, and I've thinking that it might be fun to go after all."

My brows pinch together. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"What made you change your mind?"

"I don't know." She looks off to the side.

"Are you just saying you want to go because I want to go?"

"No. Well- I didn't want to go, but if you go then it'll be fun."

I smile. "We don't have to go."

"I know. But it might be nice to see some of them."

I look at her, still skeptical. "Okay, but promise me you'll let me know if you feel uncomfortable so that we can get out there."

"I promise," she says, offering me her pinky.

My toothy smile matches hers and I link my pinky with hers.

"C'mon. We have to run the mile back home."

I groan, but she places her hand on my lower back and pushes me until I start a light jog.


	10. Class of 2012

Enjoy!

* * *

Rachel's instructions in the email were to dress in our best cocktail outfits. I kind of liked the idea because I haven't dressed up for anything in a while. Brittany is usually ready sooner than I am, but today she's taking forever. I was ready twenty minutes ago and she's still in the bathroom doing I don't know what.

"Britt!" I knock on the door. "Are you almost ready?"

"Yeah! Just finishing my makeup. You can come in."

I push the door open and my mouth instantly drops when I see her. All I need to say is that the dress is black and it's enhancing all the right areas. I mean _all. _"Brittany. You look really...wow."

She smirks and watches me through the mirror as she applies a coat of lipstick. "Thanks, San. You look beautiful too." She smacks her lips a few times and pulls me out of my daze.

I swallow. "Um...Are you ready?"

Brittany picks up a bottle of perfume off the counter and sprays her neck. "I am now." She sets the bottle down and pushes past me and out of the bathroom, leaving behind a trail of the perfume I love so much.

The reunion is taking place at The Redbury Hotel in Hollywood. It's some big shot, expensive, hotel on one of the most famous streets of LA. I expected Rachel to go all out, but I didn't expect this. I'm really looking forward to hearing how she managed to book it.

The valet driver takes Brittany's keys and drives off in her hybrid.

I look up at the building as it's lights glow in the night sky before turning to Brittany and asking, "Ready?"

She smiles and nods.

We make our way into the hotel and up the stairs to the outdoor courtyard. The place is glamorous, as expected. It's roomy and is set up with patio lights, lanterns, some fancy daybeds, and it's got a clear view of The Broadway Hollywood sign next door. Of course Rachel would pick this hotel.

"Brittany! Santana!" Rachel squeals as soon as she sees us. Finn is standing next to her with his dufus smile and they both take turns giving us each a hug. I watch Brittany while Finn embraces her and she doesn't try one bit to look happy or even return the hug.

Rachel steps back to look at us. "You guys look amazing!"

"Thanks," I manage to say before she starts up again.

"I'm so glad you made it! We have so much to talk about! Artie, Sugar, and Noah are right over there." She points at some daybeds towards the middle of the yard. "I'll be right with you guys."

We take that as our cue to join the others.

"Well, she's still very enthusiastic," Brittany comments.

I giggle before we make it to the others. "Hey, guys."

"Santana, girl! What's up!" Artie expands his arms, offering a hug. He looks so much older. Well not older but more...masculine? I can't say the same for Puck. He definitely looks older. Although, he still looking pretty fit. And Sugar, well she looks pretty much the same.

After giving Puck and Artie some friendly hellos, Brittany plops next to Sugar and wraps her arms around her. The two squeal and sway in place before a waiter comes and offers us some champagne.

"About time," Pucks says. "I hope Rachel is planning on giving us more than champagne. There's no way I'm going to get wasted with this."

"It's not college party, Puck."

"Whoa, Santana. Since when are you such a downer? Did Brittany whip you into a good girl?" He chuckles.

I glare at him and leave it at that.

"Are you living in LA too, Santana?" Sugar asks.

"Yup, she is." Brittany chirps. "We live about twenty minutes from here."

Sugar's eyes widen. "You're living together? Are you guys back on?"

Brittany looks at me, unsure of what to say next.

"We're living together but we're-" I'm interrupted by a pair of pale arms snaking around my shoulders.

"Hello, Santana."

The arms loosen around me and I turn to see Quinn smiling at me. "Quinn!" I stand up and give her the most bone crushing hug. "Oh my god, I didn't think I'd be so happy to see you."

"Well, thanks! I think."

We all chat with each other as we wait for the rest of the group to arrive. Thankfully Sugar forgot about our previous conversation once Quinn began her story about her trip to Italy. Within the next hour everyone from the Glee club is present. Well not everyone, Mr. Schue is missing, which I couldn't really care less about. Rory, Mercedes, Sam, Kurt, and Blaine are also missing. According to Rachel, Mercedes is stuck in New York, working on her first single and Sam decided to stay with her. Rory didn't reply to her email and Kurt is running some fashion thing in London so he couldn't make it. As for Blaine, well he and Kurt broke up during college and no one has really heard from him since, so it's no surprise he didn't show up.

Mike and Tina are still together. And married. Apparently, they had a small wedding somewhere in Japan a few months ago. Rachel, went on and on about how she didn't understand why she wasn't invited. Tina tried explaining they didn't invite anyone other than their family, but Rachel wouldn't listen. I think it was the two champagne flutes that were getting to her. She has always been a light weight.

Puck gulps down the last of his fifth glass of champagne and stuffs his mouth with some shrimp from the appetizers plate. "Rachel, when are you going to bring out the good stuff?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, the good stuff." He says in between chewing his food. Disgusting. "The good liquor."

"This is good liquor. It cost me $90 per bottle."

"This stuff? 90$?" He asks, incredulously.

Rachel nods.

"But I'm not even buzzed! You basically paid a fortune for water!"

"He's right, Rach. It's going right through me," Mike adds. Tina elbows him in the ribs and he winces. "But, I mean... It's okay if it's all you have."

Rachel looks panicked. She still cares way too much about what people think of her. "I...I can get something from the bar?"

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Rachel, it's fine. The champagne is fine."

"The bar sounds like a great idea!" Puck gets a handful of cheese cubes this time. "Get some vodka or rum."

Artie who, is sitting next to Rachel pats her on the shoulder. "Rach, you don't have to, really."

"No, it's okay." She turns to Finn. "Honey, can you run down and get us something?"

"Uh, sure. What should I get?"

"Um..." She looks at Puck. "Rum and vodka?"

Puck smiles from ear to ear and nods. "And some tequila."

"Ugh. Puck, you're such a pig." I open my purse and pull out my credit card. "Here, Finn. Pay with this."

"Santana, you don't have to do that. I can get it." Rachel says.

"I know you can, but I want to. Don't worry, I'll make Puck pay me back."

Puck scoffs from his seat. I know he won't pay me back, but I want to reassure Rachel that I won't be spending money that I don't have. Plus it's just a few bottles. I can afford it.

Finn runs off with my card and we continue talking. Turns out Rachel could have bought the whole bar if she wanted. She's been booking a lot of plays in New York and is set to be on Broadway for the third time next year. Not only that, but the hotel owner is a fan and friend of hers. I kind of wish I could get my credit card back now.

Artie finishes telling us about his engineering job at Apple and then turns to Brittany. "Hey, you've been really quiet."

"It's because of this crap music." Puck turns up the sound system and blasts one of the newest mainstream songs. "That's better. You should dance for us Brittany, you still like dancing right?" He gives her cheeky smile.

"Leave her alone, Puckerman!" Sugar tries punching him on the shoulder, but misses. And I thought Rachel was a light weight.

"Whoa! Easy there. I'm just trying to get two words out from her."

"You're trying to get a lap dance, which isn't going to happen," I say, between clenched teeth.

Puck puts his hands up defensively. "Okay, okay."

"Brittany, are you still passionate about dance?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah. I'm working at a studio in the city. I teach salsa, hip-hop, tango, and modern."

Rachel's eyebrows almost jump off her face. "Modern dance? That's very impressive."

"You teach modern?" I ask. "Why didn't I know that?"

"I don't know. You hadn't asked."

I frown at that.

"You know, I've seen a lot of musicals use modern dance. If I were to hear about an opening would you be interested?"

Brittany almost chokes on her drink at the sound of Rachel's offer. "Yeah," she nods excitedly. "Definetly. Thanks, Rachel."

Rachel straightens herself and smiles proudly, as if she already did her the favor. "How long have you been in LA?"

Finn returns with the liquor and Puck is the first to serve himself a shot. "Ah! That's more like it!"

"Since I graduated from high school," Brittany answers.

"So you live around here?"

"Yeah."

"But wait. You and Santana broke up. You weren't even speaking to each other. How is it that you came here together? Did you two..."

"No, we aren't together," I cut in. "We have some friends in common so that's how we met again."

"Oh. So you guys just started hanging out again?"

"Well, we live together so we-" Brittany begins to explain, but Puck interrupts.

"Friends with benefits. I dig it."

"Shut up, Puck. We aren't friends with benefits and we aren't together. We're just roommates. Can we please change the subject." I take a swing of my drink and slouch back on the daybed.

It takes a while for the group to get over the tension I created, but they all forget about it once Tina starts talking about how she's hoping to join Kurt in London next year for a fashion job.

"But...Won't Mike miss you?" Rachel asks.

"He will." Tina looks at Mike and kisses his cheek. "But it'll only be a year. Then he'll be done with his dance tour and will join me in London."

"Okay, okay." Puck interrupts. "That's all really sweet. Glad you guys are happy. How about we play spin the bottle."

"Seriously, Puck?" Quinn says, unimpressed.

"What? Fine. Pick something else. I just want to drink."

Artie suggests a game I'm not familiar with, but everyone else seems to know it and agrees. I lean towards Brittany and place a hand on her forearm to get her attention. "Do you want to leave?"

Her shoulders raise and fall. "Why? Do you want to go?"

I look over at Puck and Artie setting up the game. "Kind of."

"Let's leave then."

"Are you leaving?" Sugar joins us in the huddle. "Please don't go! You can't leave me here. Please, please, please don't go."

I look at Sugar then at Brittany. She shrugs. I take a deep breath and lean back to my place.

"What's wrong?" Quinn asks from her place next to me.

"Nothing."

"Is everything okay with Brittany?"

I look at her. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Just asking."

As the night goes on, everyone starts getting louder and starts letting loose. I quit the drinking game once I start losing the feeling on my lips. That has always been my cue to stop drinking if I don't want to end up throwing up and passed out somewhere.

"Here!" Brittany shoves a shot of tequila near my face in an attempt to make me drink it. "Drink this. I can't drink anymore."

"No, Britt." I grab the glass and set it down. "We both need to stop drinking."

"C'mon, Santana! Drink up!" Artie rolls his chair next to me and hands me the shot I had just put down. "On three. One, two, three!" He drinks his, but I only watch him.

"C'mon, Santana," Brittany whispers by my ear. "Don't fall behind." She scoots closer to me and slides a hand on my exposed thigh.

"Brittany," I say a little surprised, and quickly cover her hand with my own to prevent her from moving any higher. Sugar is right next to her and I worry she might be watching us, but she's too busy doing a body shot off of Puck.

Everyone knows I'm gay, but for some reason I don't feel comfortable being this close to Brittany in front of them.

I return my attention back to Brittany who's piercing my eyes with her own and then looks down at my lips. She's doing it again. I down the shot and wince when it burns my throat. Brittany quickly holds a lemon wedge up to my mouth and when I try to take it with my hand she pulls it away and shakes her head. I swallow. (She can be really forward when she drinks.) I take the lemon from her with my mouth and she makes sure her finger graces my bottom lip.

Someone next to me clears their throat and I almost snap my neck when I turn to look at them. I had forgotten Quinn is sitting by me.

"Come with me to the lady's room?" It's more of an order than a question.

I nod and set the glass down before I follow her away from the group.

"Santana!" Brittany calls. "Where are you going?" She's trying to get up off her seat but is having a hard time.

"I'll be back, Britt. Sit down." I ask Sugar to keep her company, but she's as drunk if not drunker than Brittany and roughly pulls her back down next to her when Brittany tries to stand up.

Quinn takes me by the hand and pulls me into the nearest restroom. She lets go as soon as the door closes and I stumble towards the sink. "Are you alright? You need to stop drinking."

"I bought the bottles. I'm not letting them go to waste."

She rolls her eyes. "So, what's going on?"

"With what? Aren't you going to pee?"

"With you and Brittany. I thought you weren't hooking up or anything." She doesn't sound judgmental, but curious..

"We aren't." I look at myself in the mirror and fix my lipstick.

"Then what was that outside? I've seen you guys do that before, Santana. Don't forget I was always with you guys throughout high school."

"You weren't _alway _with us."

"Santana," she warns. I turn around and face her. "She had her hand all over your leg. If you guys are back together why not just say so? We'll all be so happy for you both."

"We're not back together! I'm seeing someone."

Quinn's eyes open wide. "You have a girlfriend and you let Brittany touch you like that? Does she know you have a girlfriend?"

"I don't have a girlfriend. We aren't really official, but we've been seeing each other for a while. And no Brittany doesn't know. She wouldn't be acting like that if she knew."

"Then why are you keeping it from her? So that you can have both?" Quinn asks loudly.

"No! Why do you even care? I haven't seen you in years."

"Just because I haven't seen you in a while doesn't mean I don't care for you anymore."

I chew on the inside of me cheek. "Look, nothing is going on between us okay? I don't know why she's acting like that. We've been nothing more than friends since we saw each other again."

"Why is she even living with you?"

I sigh. "It's a long story, but her ex-boyfriend kicked her out after she had a miscarriage and-" I stop. "I...don't know if I should have told you that."

"B..Brittany had a miscarriage?" She moves closer to me, as if she's going to get more out of me that way.

"Yeah. If you want to know anything more about that you'll have to ask her, but that's why she's living with me. After she got kicked out I offered her to stay with me."

"Wow..." She shakes her head as if to get back on track. "So um...you're dating someone. Are you over Brittany?

I shake my head. There's no point in lying to Quinn. I probably won't see her again after today and I know she won't tell Brittany.

"Doesn't surprise me."

I glare at her.

"So why are you with this other girl then?"

"Because I like her? Plus, Brittany was with her boyfriend when I started dating Nat. I thought I had no chance."

"But she's not with him anymore. And she's obviously still into you."

"What are you talking about? Did you not hear when I said she had a boyfriend. She was pregnant!"

"Well, you have a girlfriend and you're still into Brittany. She could have been going through the same thing while she was with her boyfriend. I mean, c'mon, she was all over you out there!" She says that last thing with a playful shove.

I inhale deeply, unsure of what to think. "I don't know...I have Natalie now. I can't just dump her for Brittany."

"It's better than lying to her. But wait, I need to ask you something."

I look at her. "What?"

"Do you still love Brittany? Or do you just maybe want to...you know..." Her eyebrows move up and down. "One last time."

"Quinn!"

"What? It's a serious question."

"I do love her. I never stopped loving her and I never will, but things are just so complicated."

"Things are only as complicated as you make them. Brittany is back in your life for a reason. And I'm willing to bet that if you asked her how she felt about you, you'd be surprised by her answer. She still looks at you the same way she did in high school...Just think about it okay?"

"Yeah. I will. Thanks."

"Lets get back out there before Brittany start getting jealous."

I shake my head and chuckle, looping my arm with hers for support.

When we open the restroom door, I instantly hear something I have never heard before. I'm not even sure if I'm hearing right. I look at Quinn and she looks just as shocked. Brittany is yelling. She's shouting like a crazy raged woman. She's slurring more than yelling and I can't really tell what she's saying.

Quinn and I rush back to the group and find Brittany being held back by Sugar and Puck while Tina and Mike watch in horror and Rachel hides behind Finn. The scene looks a lot like when I used to have rage outbursts towards Rachel, except Brittany is trying to get to Finn.

"Brittany!" I peel Puck off her and take his place.

"Santana, make her stop! She's crazy!" Rachel screams.

"What the hell did you do, Finn!" Quinn scolds.

" . We were just talking."

"Britt! Stop! Brittany!" I stand in front of her and see anger and tears in her eyes. "Brittany, look at me! Brittany!" She stops struggling against me and realizes it's me who's talking to her.

"San..." She drapes heavy arms around me and buries her sobs between my neck and shoulder.

"Shh...It's okay..." I look in Quinn's direction as I stroke Brittany's back. "We're gonna go."

"You guys can't drive. I'll take you."

"Brittany brought her car."

"I'm sure Rachel can get someone to return it to her tomorrow."

I try to get Brittany to walk alongside me, but she tightens her grip around me and we awkwardly walk out without saying a word to anyone.

We get to Quinn's car and Brittany pulls me into the backseat with her.

"What's your address?" Quinn asks from the driver's seat.

I read my address out loud and watch as Quinn sets the navigation system. "Britt, I need to put on your seatbelt, okay? You need to let go of me for a second." She hesitates but loosens her arms enough for me to move and strap her in.

Her sobs subside and she wipes her teary face. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. You can cry." I pull her into a hug, which she quickly accepts and holds until we get to my apartment.

"Do you need help getting her up there?" Quinn asks.

"Um..." I pull away from Brittany to get a clearer view of her. "Can you walk?"

She nods.

"I think we're okay. Thanks for the ride." I open the car door and help Brittany slide out. She takes two steps in her five inch heels and her right ankle bends so much that I think it's going to snap. I quickly slide my arms around her and steady her. "Quinn, we might need some help."

Quinn helps me get her up the stairs and into the elevator.

"Thank you, Quinny." Brittany gives her a sloppy kiss on the cheek and smiles.

"Any time," Quinn responds, trying to hide her disgust after having Brittany leave some saliva on her cheek.

When we reach my door, Quinn removes Brittany's arm from her shoulders and Brittany slithers it around my neck, joining her other arm.

Quinn takes my keys from me and opens the door for us. "Except to hear from me soon." She hands me my keys and makes a quick exit into the elevator.

"C'mon, Britt." I try pushing her upwards because she's literally leaning all her weight on me and I can't keep her up straight.

"Don't make me sleep on the couch today." She pouts.

I wasn't planning on doing that. "Don't worry, you get to sleep on my huge bed today."

She perks at this. "I get to sleep with you?"

"No. You get to sleep on my bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

She scowls. "But why? Can't we both just sleep on your bed?"

I push the door to my room open and switch the light on, taking the last few steps to my bed. I want to lay Brittany down and get out of there, but she pulls me down with her and giggles when I land next to her. "Just stay. Look." She crawls up the bed and lays on one side of it. "There's so much space," she says, pointing at the vacant side.

I weigh my options. Then I remember. _Sharing a bed doesn't mean anything if nothing happens. _

I slip off my heels and then Brittany's. She shrieks and pulls the covers down for us.

"But we need to go to sleep, okay?" I warn, once we're under the duvet.

"Okay!" She sits up and unzips her dress.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking off my dress," she states. "I'm not going to sleep in it!"

She shimmies out of it then shrinks at my side and lays an arm over my stomach while her leg wraps around my own. Her knee is dangerously close to my center and I feel like the covers won't be necessary tonight. I'm just happy I'm still wearing my dress and there isn't much skin contact.

I'm about to reach overhead and turn the lights off, the sooner we're in the dark the better, but she speaks up.

"I miss this," she says, her eyes locking with mine. "Don't you?"

I feel a tingle start in my stomach and travel down to my now heated center. Her eyes trail down to my lips and she holds her gaze there.

Not the stare. Please, anything but the stare.

I close my eyes, not wanting to give into her game. "Santana," she says, softly. I shut my eyes tighter and she lightly pushes her knee against the most sensitive area of my body. "San..." I'm sure she'll give it up if I don't look. She'll give it up... or just kiss me herself.

Her lips are just as soft as they've always been. They taste like vodka and strawberries and their warmth match my own. She has my bottom lip between her thin pink lips and she's holding it there. Not moving at all.

I exhale the breath I can no longer hold and begin moving my lips against hers as if that last breath was the gate holding me back. She runs her hand from my stomach up to the back of my neck and uses it as a leverage to pull herself closer to me, dragging her legs along with her and earning a gasp from me when her knee pushes deeper against me.

She smiles into the kiss and it makes me want to slip my tongue into her warm mouth, which I do because what the hell, I'm already letting this happen.

Brittany moves as slow as a preying snake when she raises my dress up to my waist and climbs on my hips. She digs her pelvis into mine and I inhale sharply.

"I missed you," she says, before attacking my lips again.

I can't believe this is happening. She's running her hands all over my upper body and kissing my neck like her life depends on it. It feels so incredible to be this close to her again. Why hadn't I made this happen before? I wanted it. She wanted it.

She lets out a cute little hiccup by my ear and my eyes snap open in realization. "Brittany. Wait..." I gently push at her shoulders until she's sitting up. "We can't."

She frowns. "Why? You don't want to?"

"We- You're drunk."

"No, I'm not." She attempts to kiss me again, but I hold her in place.

"Listen. You're not one-hundred percent right now. We can't do this."

Brittany climes off me and flops down next to me. "But...I'm telling you I want to." Her voice is soft and it sounds like she's about to cry.

I turn on my side to face her and place a comforting hand on her arm. "I know, but you might regret it tomorrow."

She blinks her eyes a few times, trying to hold back her tears. "Do you really mean that or do you not want to do it because you have a girlfriend?"

"I- she's-" I fumble with words as I'm caught off guard. I'm such an idiot. I had forgotten about Natalie.

"I heard you talking to her. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but..."

"She...She's not my girlfriend. Well, I mean-"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain." She pauses. "You're right. We shouldn't do this. It wouldn't be right."

"Britt...I'm sorry."

She gives me a sad smile and pulls the covers over us. "We should sleep."


	11. Break Through

I wake up the following morning and take a few minutes to remember what happened last night. For a quick second, I allow myself to think it was just a dream, but when I see Brittany sleeping next to me in her lacey panties and matching bra, I'm pulled back to reality.

I sneak out of the room and get started on some breakfast sandwiches and coffee because I know Brittany will definitely need them. Most people are really hungry when they're hungover, but I've never seen anyone eat as much as Brittany does.

As I wait for the coffee to brew and the eggs to cook, I think some more about last night. What we were about to do in my bed...I've been wanting to do that (with her) for so long. Not just because it's physically pleasurable, but I've also been yearning to be emotionally close to her again. I'm kind of glad we didn't go all the way yesterday because if for some crazy reason we were to have sex in the future, I want us to be connected at every level and not just do it because we're drunk and horny.

The more I think about it, the more I convince myself that I made the right choice by not going through with it. I don't even know if she wanted to sleep with me because she was drunk or because she still loves me. She said she missed me. Does she miss having sex with me or does she miss me? Maybe she's the one that wants to do it one last time for old time's sake.  
What if she's trying to get us back to the friends with benefits deal. She wasn't completely happy with it then but that might be what she wants now.

She has me totally confused. And I still have to find out what happened at the reunion. I'm sure Finn said something stupid that set her off, but I need to hear it from her.

She walks into the kitchen with heavy feet a few minutes later in a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. Her hair is ruffled and her smeared eye makeup is covered up by my favorite sunglasses.

"Morning," I say as I pour her a cup of coffee.

"Hi." She drops onto one of the chairs at my tiny dining table and rests her head on her palms.

I set the coffee and two sandwiches in front her. "Does your head hurt? I think I might have something for it in my medicine cabinet."

She barely shakes her head and I think that's a 'no.' "It's really bright in here," she mumbles.

I close all the blinds and then join her at the table with a sandwich of my own. "Aren't you hungry?"

She slides my sunglasses off before picking up one of the sandwiches and taking a bite out of it. "It's good. Thank you."

I smile. "I knew you'd be hungry."

She eats her first sandwich in silence and when she's done with it she takes a sip of her coffee and clears her throat. "Um...I'm sorry about what happened yesterday...in your bed.. You know I get a little crazy when I drink. It's not really an excuse, but..."

"It's okay. I didn't exactly stop you at first." I shrug.

She looks up at me and holds my gaze. "I really did mean what I said. I do miss you."

I feel a wave of ants march down the pit of my stomach. "I'm right here, Britt. You don't have to miss me anymore."

"Yeah." She smiles weakly. "Yeah. I'm just being dumb. I'm sorry."

"Don't say that. You're not dumb."

She chuckles.

"Brittany."

"I know. Sorry."

We sit without a word while she eats her second sandwich. She's not doing any cute shoulder dance or moving her head from side to side which lets me know she's not really enjoying her food. Something is bothering her.

I finish my own sandwich and wipe my hands on my napkin before asking, "Do you want to talk about last night? About what happened at the reunion."

Brittany takes her time drinking her coffee. I'm pretty sure she's buying herself some time to think about what she's going to say.

"Um...I don't really remember that well. I drank a lot."

My eyes narrow. "But you remember what happened in my room," I state.

Her cheeks turn the lightest shade of pink and she avoids my eyes. "I know, but I can't really remember that far back into the night. I- Finn said something..I think. And I just got mad."

"What did he say?"

She turns to me, looking unsure. Her mouth gapes but then closes again. "I really can't remember. It just- things are kinda blurry." She stands from her seat and takes her dishes over to the sink.

"Do you think it'll come back to you later on?" I ask.

"I don't know." She finishes rinsing her coffee mug and turns around. "Maybe."

I nod, not wanting to push the subject. "Okay."

* * *

"I'm ready," I say, grabbing my car keys and grocery list off the kitchen counter.

"Oh. Listen I've gotta go. We'll talk later?...Well you're kind of tanned. I think you should wear the lighter orange shirt...Right, Coral. Sorry...You're welcome. I'll talk to you soon. Bye!" Brittany rises off the couch and slips her phone in her purse.

"Let me guess. Jax was asking you which color shirt would look best on him. He gave you a few choices. They were names you've never even heard before. He confused the hell out of you then he said they're all shades of the same stupid color but insisted that they don't all look the same."

Brittany smiles. "But they don't."

"They totally do, Brittany. Orange is Orange. The only difference are the names."

"They don't look the same. I looked it up on my phone."

I sigh.

"You look really pretty," she comments.

I open the front door for us and look down at myself. "Really? They're just jeans."

"But you always take the time to make whatever you're wearing look its best. That's why you always take so long."

"I can't tell if you're complaining because I take too long or complementing me because I take the time to look this fabulous," I say as we step out into the hallway. She doesn't respond so she's probably holding back a giggle. "Your silence tells me you mean both." I chuckle and finish locking the door.

"I agree with both."

"Nat. What are you doing here?" I suddenly feel as if I've been caught red handed and I don't know why. I don't know if I'm more worried about Brittany meeting Natalie or Natalie seeing me with Brittany.

"I came by to talk to you."

"Is something wrong?"

"No. Everything's fine. Just wanted to talk." She shifts her eyes from me to Brittany and offers her a hand. "I'm Natalie."

Brittany shakes her hand. "I'm Brittany."

"I know." Natalie smiles then turns back to me. "So I guess I came at a bad time. I'll go and-"

"No," Brittany interrupts. "We were just gonna go pick up some things at the grocery store." She turns to me. "But I can go. I just need the list."

"Brittany..."

"It's okay, really. The list?" She holds her palm open and I give her the piece of paper. "Nice meeting you, Natalie," she says with a warm smile before she starts walking towards the stairs.

"You too," Natalie answers. She turns her attention back to me and makes a funny face. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I just don't know know why she took the stairs."

"Maybe she wanted to get a little cardio."

I chuckle. "Yeah, maybe. Do you want to come in?" I offer.

"That's okay. I just came because I wanted to see you and tell you that we're going out tonight."

"Oh."

"Unless you don't want to?"

"No, yeah. Of course I want to. Where are we going?"

"Geoffrey's Malibu," she says with a huge grin.

"Geoffrey's? But that's all the way up in Malibu."

She laughs. "Yup."

"And they charge a fortune."

"Don't worry about that. Just worry about what sexy dress you're going to wear tonight." She grabs both of my elbows and pulls me closer. "I don't know if you can look any more beautiful, but I'm excited to see you try." She gives me a peck on the lips and smiles. "I'll pick you up at seven, okay?"

"Okay."

She pulls me in one more time and gives me a soft lingering kiss before she heads to the stairs.

"You too?" I exclaim. "Why are you taking the stairs?"

"Because I don't want to wait for the elevator doors to open. If I stand here too long, I might just be tempted to ravish you."

I laugh and roll my eyes. "Bye, Nat."

* * *

I'm in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine when Brittany comes back home. "What took you so long?" I ask.

"Sorry, I stopped by Jax's and Adam's. Jax was showing me something."

"Showing you what?" I walk around the kitchen island to help her unload the groceries and she looks up at me for the first time since she walked in. Her mouth parts half an inch. "San, you look really beautiful." She rakes my body with her eyes and my hands become clammy when I see how her perfect blue pupils have dilated just enough for me to notice.

"Thank you, Britt." I pull out a white package from one of the grocery bags in an attempt to distract myself from her stare. "You bought Salmon? Why?"

Brittany quickly snatches it from me and stores it in the fridge. "Because I like it."

"No, you don't. Whenever we went to Captain D's and I ordered that delicious smoked Salmon, you would make a funny face." I look back in the bag and pull out a wine bottle. "More wine? We already have some."

"You can never have too much wine." She takes the bottle from me and slips it in the wine rack. "Here." She pulls me away from the counter and steps in front of the bags. "I'll put everything away."

"I'll help you."

"No, it's okay. I'm just- I'll do it later." She grabs the bags and sets them near the fridge. "So you have a date tonight?" She asks, casually.

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"It's not that hard to tell, San. You are wearing a cocktail dress."

"Right. Duh."

"So... Will you come home late?"

"I think we're just going to dinner so we shouldn't take too long. Why?"

"I picked up some movies and popcorn. Maybe we can have a movie night when you get back?"

"Yeah. That'll be good." I smile.

"You really do look really beautiful. I'm kind of jealous."

I giggle. "I'm sure you'd look way better in this dress than me, Britt."

She shakes her head. "That's not what I meant."

There's a knock at the door. "That's probably, Nat. She's always extremely early." I open the door and Natalie greets me with a kiss on the lips which I turn into a short peck. I check over my shoulder to make sure Brittany isn't watching, but to my dismay she's giving us her full attention.

"Wow! I am impressed. You actually managed to look more amazing than earlier today. Did you buy a new weave?" She gently tugs on my hair and I swat her hand away.

"No! This is real. I don't wear weaves."

She laughs and kisses my cheek. "Hi, Brittany."

Hey," Brittany says, with a small wave.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Um...yeah." I look back as Natalie pulls me through the door and I wave good-bye. "Bye, Britt."

"Bye," she says, with a tight sealed smile.

We take the elevator down to the lobby and a man in a suit opens the front door for us.

"That's weird," I say.

"What is?"

"We've never had a doorman at this building."

Natalie lets out a soft laugh and takes my hand. "He's not the door man. He's our driver."

"Our driver?" I look around. "What do you mean? Where's your car?"

"Not here." She pulls me over to a fancy black car that's parked a few feet away. The doorman, turned driver, opens the back door for us and smiles. "This is our ride tonight," Natalie says. She holds out a hand and motions for me to climb in first. Once we're both seated, the driver closes our door and walks around to the driver's seat.

"Natalie, you didn't have to get us a car. Your car would have been just fine."

She slips her hand in mine and squeezes it. "Just let me treat you like you deserve tonight, okay?"

I smile. "Okay."

I feel really strange right now. It feels great to be treated this kindly again. After Brittany broke up with me, I only dated two other girls. And when I say dated, I mean we went out once or twice and I never returned their calls after that. I was never with anyone long enough to do romantic things. I didn't think there was a point to it because I knew no matter what they did, no matter how romantic they were, they would never come close to making me as happy as Brittany.

So, yeah, I feel pretty damn good right now. I feel wanted and loved. But there's a huge part of me that still feels empty. Natalie can take me on the most romantic trip to Paris and show me a great time, but I would still be wishing that it were Brittany kissing me under the Eiffel Tower.

I feel lips on my shoulder and turn to find Natalie looking up at me. "I love you," she says.

My hand loosens in hers and her eyes instantly turn sad. "Nat..."

"It's okay." She squeezes my hand again. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to say it outloud."

"Natalie, I'm s-"

She shakes her head. "No, no. It's fine. I don't want things to get awkward. I just felt like saying it. I don't expect you to say it back." She inhales deeply and leans away from me. "Let's just enjoy the night." She pulls her hand out from mine and opens the sunroof. "It's hot in here.

I feel so terrible about not being able to say 'I love you' back to her. I know exactly what it feels like to have feelings which are not reciprocated. Well, that's not exactly true. Brittany did love me when I poured my heart out to her, but she still rejected being with me.

I want to comfort Natalie. But how can I? When I'm the one making her feel like crap. I can't find anything to say so I just keep quiet. The ride is uncomfortably long and I'm worried she might act distant when we get there because she hasn't tried to strike up a conversation, but then she speaks up.

"I got a table out on the deck. Um...it has a nice view, but we can move if it gets too cold."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. I can't wait to see the view," I say in my most appreciative tone.

She forces a smile and turns to look out the car window.

It takes another fifteen minutes before we finally make it to the restaurant. The driver opens the door for us and we are ushered to our table which is waiting for us with two wine glasses and a bundle of roses. Natalie picks them up. "These are for you, but they'll get in the way here." She turn to the restaurant host and asks him if he can hold on to them for a while. The man takes the roses with a smile and walks away.

"Nat, you said the view was nice, but this is amazing. I feel like I can see all of the Pacific Ocean from here."

"It is pretty impressive, huh? I've never actually been here. A friend recommended I bring you here."

"You've been talking to your friends about me?" I ask, shyly.

She smiles bashfully. "A little, yeah." She straightens her shoulders and turns her smile into a smirk. "But only about how you're always late to everything and how you sleep all day on the weekends.

I laugh. "They must think I'm great."

"Yeah, well...doesn't matter what they think. It's what I think of you that matters right?"

I nod.

"And I think you're the definition of perfect so..." She shrugs.

Her words are so sweet, yet my heart doesn't swell the way it does when Brittany tells me I look pretty.

The evening goes on smoothly. The food is the best I've ever had and when the breeze starts to pick up the waiter quickly turns on the heat lamps. Natalie seems to have left her hidden sadness and disappointment back in the car because she's back to being her chatty self.

"Did you like the food?" She asks.

"Yeah. It was incredible. Thank you."

"I'm glad you liked it." She smiles proudly. "Um...I don't know if- I think it's-" she stops herself and chuckles.

I laugh with her. "What? Say it."

"I was thinking maybe we can go back to my place. You haven't been there yet and... I don't know. It's just a thought."

"Um..." I hesitate.

"We don't have to. It's actually kind of late. I can just drop you off and leave it for some other time."

"No, yeah. Let's do it. I mean, let's go. I'd like to go." I nod.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You ready?"

I owe this to myself, I think. I owe it to myself to share some intimacy with someone. I've been alone for so long that I've grown used to not having any physical contact. But this incredible girl is offering to love me and care for me, and I think I need to give myself the opportunity to love and feel again. Maybe this is what will finally free me from the shackles that Brittany has had on me all these years.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous when we got to her apartment. I haven't had sex with anyone in almost three years. (Except for a girl Adam introduced me to one drunken night at a college party, but it doesn't really count if you can't remember all of it.) I worried about the type of things Natalie likes to do. My moves are rusty and I'm scared she'll realize just how long it's been.  
But sex with her is very pleasurable. She's definitely had her share of women because she knows what she's doing. She's so extremely gentle that sometimes I just want to stop her and tell her I'm not made of glass. But her personality fits the way she touches me and the way she kisses me. I think it's noticeable that I haven't had sex in some time because she keeps telling me things like 'it's okay' and 'relax.' It's embarrassedly soon, but I'm feeling myself climbing to the peak and it feels great. I've enjoyed every kiss, touch, and whisper. I'm proud of myself. I haven't thought about Brittany at all. Brittany...

I get a very blurry mental picture of her and that's all it takes to get me over the edge. All the physical pleasures build up in my center and my orgasm takes over. I try to keep the shaking to a minimum because I'm not comfortable with Natalie seeing me out of control.

Once my body relaxes, Natalie crawls up from her place between my legs and kisses my cheek. "I love you," she says, before burying her face in my neck.


	12. Take Off

"San, hurry up! It's about to start!"

"I'm coming!" I grab the bowl of popcorn out of the microwave and hurry to the living room. "Want something to dr- Brittany, what the hell are you wearing?"

"My pajamas."

"Those _aren't _pajamas. You're wearing a...body suit- fishnet- thing."

Brittany's confused face turns into a playful smirk. "But I'm wearing panties." She looks down at herself. "Don't you like them? I'll take them off if you want."

"No! No. It's fine."

"Why are you acting like you've never seen any of it before? Come on." She pats the spot on the couch next to her. "Sit. I want some popcorn."

I weigh my sitting options. The recliner looks like a much better idea.

"No, no, no."As if she could read my thoughts, she grabs my hand and pulls me down next to her. "You sit here." She scoots towards me until there's no more space in between us and takes the popcorn from me, setting it down on the coffee table. "Stop being so weird," she says, and twists her torso ever so slightly, grazing my upper arm with her left breast.

My breath catches in my throat at the contact and I struggle to form a sentence. "Brittany...Let's- Why- I- I thought we were going to watch a movie."

She pouts. "Do you really want to watch it? There's better things to do." Her pout quickly vanishes and she looks at me with a stern look on her face. "What do you want to do?" She gently grips my thigh. "Tell me." The tip of her fingers sneak under the cuffs of my shorts and she licks her bottom lip. "What do you want to do, Santana?"

"I..."

"Santana..."

"I don't know."

"...Do you want breakfast?"

"What?"

"Breakfast. I can whip something up."

My eyes flutter open and I find that I am not on my couch and I am most definitely not in my apartment.

"I can make some kick ass frittatas. Do you want one?"

"Natalie?" I turn on my back and find Natalie sitting next to me. My skin gets a serious case of the goosebumps and I cover my bare chest with the bed sheet.

"What's wrong? You look a little surprised."

"No...I just...I forgot I was here. What time is it?"

"Eleven. Why? Do you have somewhere to be? I can give you a ride."

"No...I'm free today." I scan the floor for my clothes. "What were you saying about breakfast?"

"Oh! I was asking if you want a frittata. We can have breakfast, hang out here for a while, then go catch a movie at the theater. What do you think?"

"Yeah." I reach for my bra on the floor. "A movie sounds good," I say as I clip my bra on under the sheets. "Wait...Shit," I say in realization.

"What?"

"I completely forgot."

"You forgot what?"

"Can you give me a lift home? I told Brittany I'd be back early to watch some movies she picked up yesterday...How can I have forgotten?" I ask myself as I grab my dress from the corner of the bed.

"But what difference does it make now? She probably already watched them."

"You'd think so, but knowing Brittany she probably waited for me to get home until she fell asleep. Have you seen my underwear?"

Natalie leans over her side of the bed and comes back up with my panties in her hand. "Santana..."

"Oh, thanks." I take them and slide them on. "Is it okay if we go to the movies some other day?"

"...Yeah. Sure. I'll grab my keys and take you home."

We drive up to my street and Natalie pulls over. She doesn't kill the engine though, which I think is strange.

"You're not going to walk me?"

"Is that okay? I need to get back home."

"Oh, yeah. It's alright. Um...Thank you so much for everything. I had a great time."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Really, Nat. Everything was wonderful," I say. "Everything."

She smiles but doesn't look too convincing. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll call you later, kay?"

I don't want to read too much into it, but I feel like she's trying to get me out of her car. She doesn't even try to kiss me goodbye. "Okay. Thank you, again. I'll see you soon?"

She nods and unlocks the car doors, yet another sign that she can't wait for me to get off her car. I haven't even gotten to my building's entrance when she hits the gas and leaves in a hurry.

I take the elevator up to my floor and find that my door is unlocked.

"Brittany? Why is the- Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Hey, Babe." Adam walks over to me and kisses my cheek. "Had a good night?" He asks, noticing my outfit.

"Uh...yeah. It was interesting." I slip my heels off and walk into the kitchen to serve myself some water. "So why are you here?"

"Jax and I drove Brittany back to the hotel to get her car."

"Oh. Where is she?"

"In your room with Jax. Unfolding boxes." My brows furrow as I drink from my cup. "She found an apartment."

I bring the cup down from my lips and set it down with a little more force than necessary. "What?"

"We went to see some places after we got her car and she found one."

"She found one?" I ask, incredulously. "But she hadn't mentioned anything about looking for one."

"I guess it was kind of spontaneous."

"When is she moving?" I ask, a little worried now that I'm past being surprised.

"I'm not sure. She still needs to go sign the lease contract. But it's kind of a done deal."

I chew on my bottom lip. "She's in my room?"

Adam nods.

"I'm gonna go talk to her."

"Hey." He catches my arm. "Wait."

"What?"

"You spent the night at Natalie's."

"So?"

"If Brittany wants to move out, you should let her. I can't keep up with what you're doing or what you're feeling. You've been all over the place lately. But if she doesn't want to be here anymore, you shouldn't try to change her mind."

I shake my arm out of his grip and turn to walk down to my bedroom. "Brittany?" I say, dodging boxes in my path.

Jax and Brittany pop their heads up from behind the farther side of my bed. "Hey, Santana! Nice of you to come home." Jax stands up and throws the box he was working on on my bed. "Did you have fun? Brittany did. Well, until she fell asleep waiting for you. But did you hear? She found an apartment!" He exclaims with fake excitement.

I roll my eyes and exhales loudly. "Yes, Jax. I heard. Can you let me talk to her?"

He looks at Brittany and she gives him an appreciative smile. "Fine."

Once he leaves the room I take his discarded box and finish unfolding it. "Where did you guys find so many boxes?"

"The real estate agent gave them to me. He said he had them in his car, but I think he went to buy them."

"Just for you?"

"Yeah. I guess he really wanted to close the deal."

I set the box down and pick up an another one. "So you're really leaving then?"

"Yeah. I think it's time. I've been taking advantage of you."

"I don't mind."

She lets out a short breathy laugh.

"It's going to be weird being here alone," I say.

"I'm moving closer to the studio. You can come visit me after work."

"You can count on that. I'll be there so much that you'll regret telling me to visit you."

"Doubt it," she says with a smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't come home for our movie night."

"That's okay. We can watch them some other time."

I finish unfolding the last box and set it down. "Do you want to watch them tonight?"

"I do, but I have a dinner to go to."

"Oh."

"With Rachel."

"Rachel? Why are you going out with her?"

"Well...She called me today and said she might have a teaching job for me in New York."

"So soon? What about your job at the studio?"

"I need to talk to my boss, but I'm sure she'll be okay with it. It's only for a month and I haven't taken any time off since I started there. Well, other than when I was sick." Her voice lowers but then picks up again. "I can't let this one pass me by. It pays great and I've been wanting to go to New York for a while now."

"But it's not a sure thing yet right? I mean, you still have to talk to Rachel about it?"

"Well, yeah. But- Do you not want me to go? You should be happy for me." She stands up and begins stacking all the boxes in a corner.

"Of course I'm happy for you."

"Then act like it," she says, firmly.

"Brittany. I didn't mean to sound like I'm not happy for you. If you want to take the job then you should."

"Yeah. That's what I'm doing. Everyone else around here seems to do what they want."

"What does that suppose to mean? I'm trying to be supportive."

She tosses the last box on the stack and rubs her forehead. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just- I've had a busy morning. I'm already kind of stressed out."

"Let's just relax, okay? Have you had breakfast?" She shakes her head. "Let's go see if we can make Jax cook for us."

She inhales deeply and exhales an 'okay.'

* * *

The following day, at work, Natalie is nowhere to be found. Today is Monday, which means I'm supposed to have lunch with her. In reality, I always have lunch with her except Wednesdays because that's when I meet Brittany at the cafe nearby. But today when the clock marked two, she didn't come by the recording studio to pick me up. I texted her and asked her if we were doing lunch, but she replied with an apology and said she had backed up work she needed to get done. That's hard to believe because she always keeps up with work, she takes it very seriously.

As we're finishing up the last recording session of the day, Natalie shows up. She looks really worn out and looks like she hasn't slept. "Hey."

"Hey. You look terrible." I swing my purse over my shoulder, ready to leave. "Do you want to go get some coffee?"

"No, but I do want to talk to you."

"What's up?"

She waits until my co-workers are out of the room then sits on the chair across from me. She pats my chair and I sit down. "I think we need to stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"This," she says, motioning between us.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't think we should see each other anymore. At least...not how we've been-"

"Wait. Is this about Brittany? She's moving out."

"This isn't about Brittany. It's about us." She cups both my hands between her own. "I love you, but...You don't love me. And you never will. Last night was wonderful, but it was a lie. I convinced myself that if I made love to you you'd feel something for me. But it was stupid and childish. I tried to be patient and thought you'd get over Brittany, but that was stupid too. You love her. You feel for her what I feel for you. That's how I know you will never fall out of love with her. I haven't even known you for a year." She chuckles. "And I already feel things for you that I've never felt. I can only imagine how you feel about Brittany. You guys have so much history."

"Natalie-"

"Wait. Let me finish." She shifts on her seat and sits up straight. "We can't keep lying to ourselves. You love Brittany and I can't change that. You're really obvious about it too." She smiles. "You ran out of my apartment just because you missed a movie night with her. And don't think I didn't notice how you didn't want to kiss me infront of her."

My eyes move around the room, too ashamed to look at her.

"It's okay though. You were honest with me from the beginning. I knew how you feel about her... And Santana..." She pauses and waits for me to refocus my attention on her. "She loves you too. The other day, when we were in your hallway, she took the stairs not because she wanted to get _some cardio_. She took them because she didn't want to wait for the elevator while we were there. She couldn't stand seeing you with me."

"That's not true."

"It is. I know it is, because that's what I would have done if I were her. I can't keep you from her anymore, Santana. She's free to be with you now and you guys are wasting time."

"Natalie, it's not the same for her anymore. She had a boyfriend. She-"

"You have to stop being so blind. Don't you want to be with her? Stop making obstacles for yourself. Stop overthinking things and just do what you feel." She rises up from her chair and pulls me up with her. "Allow yourself to be happy." She places a soft kiss on my forehead and smiles kindly. "Just let go, okay?"

And just like that she walked away. She walked away from me and from my life. I didn't see her for the rest of the week and when I asked Steve if he knew anything about her, he said she had transferred to their offices in San Francisco. I tried calling her a few times that day but she didn't pick up once.

The weekend has come around again, and Brittany is the one leaving this time. Rachel had already secured her the job in New York before even talking to her. Brittany's boss wasn't too happy about her leaving for a month, but she supported her decision nonetheless and said her job at the studio would be there when she got back.

As for me, I've been thinking about what Natalie said. I thought I had changed since high school, but I still worry too much about things that are out of my control and I've finally recognized that I _do_ over think things sometimes. But I've decided to really change this time. I'm letting go and allowing every situation to flow naturally from now on. I'm done thinking about every move I and others make.

"Jax, I can drive her."

"Santana, she's already late, and honestly, the way you drive...she would never get there."

"I drive fine," I protest.

"You drive slower than Oma Abi, San."

I scowl. "No I don't."

"Who's Oma Abi?" Adam asks. "Sounds Arab."

"She's Brittany's grandma. And it's not Arab, it's German."

Adam eyebrows shoot upwards. "You're German, Brittany? So am I!"

I roll my eyes, but Brittany high fives him, proudly. "Well...I'm half German. My dad is English-American, but my mom is German."

"Good enough for me," Adam says, still grinning.

"Her grandma is a hard-core German though," I say. "She won't speak a word of English unless she absolutely has to."

"So you speak German?" Adam asks.

"A little. I only get to practice it with my grandma. My mom doesn't really use it."

"Okay, time to wrap up this Brittany 101 class . We have a plane to catch." Jax picks up Brittany's suitcase and heads towards the door.

"I'd go drop you off too, but there's no way I'll fit in Jax's stupid smart car."

"Hey! It saves the Earth!"

Brittany laughs and wraps her arms around my middle, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss you," she says, almost in a whisper.

"I'll miss you too. A Lot." I kiss her cheek.

"Brittany, seriously, we need to go," Adam warns.

"Geez! Chill, Sergeant." I end the PDA and Brittany gives Adam a quick good-bye hug.

"Have a good trip," he says.

"Thank you. See you guys!" She hurries out the door only to come back in a second later. "I forgot my ticket." She snatches an envelope from the coffee table and back runs out the door.

Adam chuckles. "She's crazy."

"Watch your mouth, Frat boy."

"I'm just saying." He stretches out on my couch and pulls out his phone. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing. I'll probably finish packing for Brittany."

"Why don't you go out with Natalie?"

I lay across my recliner and sigh. "Because she broke up with me."

Adam stops thumbing at his phone and looks at me. "What? When?"

"A few days ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to talk about it. And I still don't want to talk about it so just tell me about your plans for the weekend."

He purses his lips but goes back to looking through his phone. "We're going to my parents."

"Again? Didn't you just go a few weeks ago?"

"No. I haven't visited them since last Christmas."

"Then why the hell did Jax tell me you were going to go visit them?"

"When did he say that?"

"A few weeks ago. I called him to see if you guys wanted to go out, but he said you guys were leaving to your parents."

"Oh yeah. I thought I heard him talking to you." He drops his phone on his chest. "I don't know why he told you that though. We had already agreed we were going this week. Maybe he just wanted to hang out with Brittany and didn't want to make you feel bad."

"Hang out with Brittany?"

He nods "She was there that night. Don't feel bad though. You know they're like best friends now or whatever."

"She told me she was going to her friend's house."

"I don't think she did. Unless she went really early in the morning because she spent the whole day at my place."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I exclaim.

"Tell you what? I didn't think it was a big deal."

I sit up on the recliner and cross my legs. "What did they do while she was there?" I ask, intrigued.

"I don't know. I stayed in our bedroom most of the time."

"Adam! What did you see them do?"

"Nothing! They were just talking."

"About what?"

"I don't know. Recipes and stuff."

"Recipes?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah, they've been talking about that a lot lately. I think Brittany wants to learn how to cook."

I furrow my brow, deep in thought. "Why would they lie to me? Brittany could have just told me she was going to your place," I say more to myself than him.

"...ringing."

"It's not like it'd upset me. Her _lying _to me upsets me."

"Santana..."

"And I asked her how it went when she got back and she _still_ kept up the lie."

"Santana! Your phone!"

"What?" I end my monologue and take my ringing phone from Adam's hand. "Hello?" I answer, not bothering to see who's calling.

"Are you busy?"

"Hello to you too, Quinn. I actually _am _busy. I'm in the middle of figuring something out."

"I'm sure you'd much rather hear what I have to say."

"Quinn, just because you helped me out the other day and all that, doesn't mean that I suddenly care about the things you have to say."

"It's about Brittany...And the reunion."

"Santana." Adam kicks my knee with the end of his shoe. "Do you have beer?"

"Shh!"

"You don't want to know what happened?" Quinn asks, surprised.

"Do you?" Adam repeats.

"What? No, I do want to know." I pull the phone away from me and cover the mouthpiece "Adam can you please not be an ass for five minutes? This is important."

"Well do you have beer or not?"

"I don't know! Go check!"

He grunts in annoyance and heads to the kitchen.

"...Called me. She said she needed to vent out because she was upset at Brittany's reaction and said Finn was only giving his opinion," Quinn finishes.

"Who?"

"Rachel! Are you listening or not?"

"I am, I am. What was Finn giving his opinion about?"

"About your breakup with Brittany. According to Rachel, he said that your breakup shocked everyone, but he wasn't too surprised. He said he always thought you were putting a lot more of yourself into the relationship and figured you guys would end up breaking up. He said that what did surprise him, was that Brittany broke up with you and not the other way around. Then Brittany went nuts and said he didn't know what he was talking about and that she did it because she loved you...she said she is-"

God, Brittany was so right. Finn was and always will be an immature moron. I should have listened to her when she said she didn't want to see him.

"Santana? Are you there?"

"Yeah... I'm here." I sigh." I can't blame Brittany for what she did. She _was _drunk and Finn was out of line...as usual."

"Did you not hear me? She said she loves you. She's still in love with you."

"Santana!" Adam shouts from the kitchen. "Why do you have so many candles? I hope you weren't planning on lighting them all at the same time."

I rush to the kitchen and find Adam standing in front of an open cupboard. The thing's stuffed with dinner candles from top to bottom.

"You would've lit the place on fire with all these," he says.

"Santana? Say something," I hear Quinn demand through the phone. "She's in love with you!"

"Quinn...I have to go." I end the call and drop my phone on the kitchen counter.

"And why are they dinner candles? Where you going to cook?" He snorts.

I pull the refrigerator door open and dig through everything until I find the white packaged Salmon hidden at the very back. I pull it out and hold it up for Adam to see. "She bought Salmon! Look! She knows I love Salmon!"

He lifts an eyebrow, not impressed by my revelation. "Okay, she bought Salmon. Can you get it away from me?" He asks, pushing my hand away. "I hate seafood."

"She was going to cook for me." I stare down at the piece of fish and slam my hand against my forehead. "How can I have been so stupid! I can't believe I missed all her hints. The Salmon, the short pajama shorts...The dress! I mean, her boobs were just about popping out! And the way she was acting at the reunion...And then that night...God! I'm an idiot."

"Sooo...What I'm getting is...Brittany was trying to seduce you?"

"I don't know about seducing, but she was definitely dropping hints!"

"Santana, you were with Natalie. It's not like you were going to go for it...Right?"

"Of course not. I wouldn't have done that to her. Maybe that's why I missed Brittany's signals. But she's in love with me, Adam! She still loves me! Jax was completely right! Things do happen for a reason. We saw each other again because we're meant to be together."

"Alright, alright." He takes the Salmon from me and sets it down along with his beer. "Maybe she _was _trying to get your attention, but how do you know she's still in love with you?"

"Because she said so! At the reunion. There's no time to explain." I snatch my phone and look around the living room for my car keys. "Where are my keys? I need to get to the airport!"

"Santana, even if you're right, I think you should wait till she comes back. You'll never make it to the airport in time. She was already late when she left."

"She was late to the gate. Her flight doesn't leave for another hour...Where are my god damn keys!"

Adam lets out a heavy breath and walks past me to the door. "Come on, I'll drive."

* * *

"Right here! This is it! Stop! Stop!"

"Santana! I can't stop the car here!

"Just let me out then!"

Adam slows the car down and I don't wait for it to come to a complete stop. As I run through the American Airlines's entrance of LAX, I hear cars honking and I can only assume they're pissed at Adam for stopping in the middle of the road.

I push people out of the way and don't bother excusing myself. I don't have time to pretend I'm nice. I need to get to Brittany.

"Ma'am." A security officer steps in front of me as I try to skirt around the metal detector. "You need to get in line, please."

"No. I don't have a ticket. I just want to talk to my friend. She's up there." I point up the stairs.

"I'm sorry, but you can't go up there unless you have a ticket."

I'm about to punch this idiot and run up the stairs when I see Jax descending down the escalator. "Jax!" I run over to him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to Brittany. How did you get up there?"

"They let me wait with her while she boarded. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no. I just need to talk to her. Distract the moron with the medical gloves so I can sneak up there."

"Santana, she's gone. She's on the plane."

"What?" I look at my phone. "There's fifteen minutes left."

He shakes his head. "They already boarded."


	13. Dolphin Blvd

Sorry for the wait. D:

* * *

"Hi!" I say, cheerfully.

I'm trying to contain my excitement as best as I can, but I find it to be very difficult. Brittany is coming home in a week and I finally get to tell her that I know how she feels and that I couldn't be happier because I'm still deeply in love with her too. Of course I've had the option of doing it through the phone, but I wanted to wait for her to come back so that I could tell her face to face. I want to see her reaction and I want to be able to kiss her and hug her and just be in the moment.

"Hey! What's up?"

I've been calling her every other day to see how she's doing. I always call her a few hours before I go to bed because New York is two hours ahead of LA and I don't want to intervene with her sleeping schedule, but we always end up talking for more than I intend. We talk about the most random things and stretch the conversation for hours. It always starts with us talking about her work, but then it just branches out into a million different subjects; what we ate for lunch that day, the weather, girls who we saw walking down the street wearing outfits worse than Rachel's, our families, our friends...etc.

I don't know if she notices it too, but our conversations are a lot like they used to be when we were dating.

"How was work?" I ask, just like every other day.

"It was good. The cast memorized all the choreographies for the most part. All I do now is watch and correct them if they need it."

"That's good, Britt. It's about time they learned it. It took them almost the whole damn month." I say the following as casually as my excitement will allow me. "Which reminds me, are you flying in with the same airline? You haven't given me the gate number and all that. I can go pick you up this time."

"That's sweet, San, but I don't know yet. The director said he'd like for me to stay on till the end of their tour."

My smile vanishes. "Wait, what? You're staying longer?"

"I think so. It's been really great working here and if I end the job in good terms maybe they'll hire me again."

"But...How long will you be staying?"

"Their last show is on November 15 so-"

"That's almost a month and a half!" I realize I have no right to be upset...yet, and quickly lower my voice. "I mean, that's kind of long don't you think? You just started renting an apartment and are paying for it but aren't even here."

"I'm not paying for it."

"What do you mean? Didn't you sign the lease?"

"Not yet. I was going to sign it when I got back to LA and use the money from this job to pay the deposit."

"Why? Don't you have money saved up?"

"Yes, but I don't want to use that money. I like saving it."

Brittany was always smart about her money. Unlike me, she never bought anything extravagant that she didn't need. Maybe she was that way because she actually had to work to earn her money. All I had to do was ask my dad. But even now that I have to pay my way for everything, I still like having a closet full of designer names. Brittany is just much simpler than me in every way.

"And the realtor is going to hold on to it for you for so long?"

"No..." She says, sadly. "He said he'd hold it for a month, tops. I'll just have to look for another one when I get back."

"I can pay the deposit if you want?"

"No! I can't let you do that."

"It's fine, Britt. I don't mind. You can pay me back later."

"No, really. It's okay. I'll just look for another place when I get back." She sighs. "I'll probably have to stay with you for a few more weeks though."

My smile returns. "Yeah, it's cool. Don't worry about it."

If everything goes according to plan, maybe she won't even have to move out when she comes back.

The following month and a half is the longest and most painful time period of my entire life. I'm thankful I can call her and talk to her because I think I'd go crazy otherwise. Sometimes we chat on Skype, which is a million times better because I get to hear her and see her.  
I think this is what it would have been like if she hadn't broken up with me before I went off to college. Except we'd probably have less clothes on during our chats and more arguments instead of laughs because I know that I would have been upset about her choosing not to make the move with me.

Adam and Jax invite me to their place one evening, promising they have the best surprise ever. When I get there I'm pulled in by Jax and quickly blindfolded.

"Is this really necessary?" I ask, and if my eyes were uncovered I'd roll them.

"So you know how you said you wanted to do something special for Brittany when she got back?" Jax asks, ignoring my previous question.

"Yeah?"

"Wellll...Adam and I thought something up." I hear him slide the patio glass door open and he gently guides me outside.

When we come to a halt, I ask, "Can I look now?"

"Yes." He says, and unties the blindfold.

I open my eyes and blink a few times, trying to adjust to the patio lights that glimmer a few feet ahead. It's only once the blurriness is gone that I clearly see a string of lights draped around the most beautiful cherry wood gazebo.

"Adam built it," Jax comments, proudly.

I look at Adam, who is standing by the gazebo's steps. "Do you like it?" He asks with a hopeful smile.

"I love it, Adam. ...It's beautiful," I say, still shocked by the surprise.

He takes my hand and walks me up the three wood steps. "I still need to give it some shine, but it's about done."

I let my eyes roam around it and take in all his hard work. "This is amazing. Is this why you always came up with some lame excuse as to why you couldn't go out on the weekends? You were here hammering away?"

He chuckles and nods. "I needed to finish it before Brittany came back."

"So wait..." I pause, my eyebrows knitting together. "You made it for Brittany?"  
He laughs. "I made it for the two of you. We thought you could surprise her with a dinner here. You can decorate it whichever way you'd like. And Jax offered to be your chef for the night."

I look at Jax and he nods with a smile.

"Guys, I don't know what to say other than thank you. Brittany is going to love it."

I drape my arms over Adam's shoulders and call Jax over for a group hug. "I love you both so much."

* * *

"A little to the left... Higher!"

Adam wabbles on the ladder as he tries following my instructions. "Santana, they were fine how I had them. It won't make a difference they're just lights. They'll light up the patio either way."

"It does matter. They can't sag around the gazebo. They'll look like...old...lady tits."

He makes a disgusted face. "Okay, that's a mental image I did not need." He climbs down the ladder and comes stands next to me. "They look fine. They're the last thing Brittany will notice."

"You don't know Brittany. She notices everything." I move forward and try reaching the string of lights. "She'll definitely-" I jump once. "Notice-" I jump twice. "If these lights" I jump a third time and I'm able to push the string of lights upward, hooking them on a nail. "Look like old gradma boobs." I take a few steps back and take a look at the final product. The lights are finally the way I wanted them. The red cushions I bought to lay over the seating area are perfectly plumped. The dinner table for two stands centered in the middle with the crispiest white table cloth. The rose petals on the floor look almost symmetrical. And the white rose petal pathway that Adam helped me with lays in perfect contrast with the black and grey pebbles that surround the lit pathway up to the gazebo.

This is by far the most romantic thing I've ever done...ever. Also, the cheesiest, which means Brittany will love it.

"Are we done, Queen Perfection?" Adam asks.

"Not quite." I make my way to the living room and Adam follows. "Take this," I tell him, and lift a dress garment bag off the couch. "It's for Brittany."

He takes it and glances at the bag. "A dress? How am I suppose to get her to wear it?"

"I told her you guys are meeting me at Jax's restaurant and we'd all have dinner after his shift ended. So just make her put it on at the airport."

"But you're suppose to be working late."

"I know, but I told her I got off an hour after her flight got in. Not early enough to go pick her up myself but just in time for dinner."

"Well, that's smart, but isn't she going to wonder why she needs to wear a dress while I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt?"

"She is." I smile and take the dress from him. "You need to go get changed."

He groans. "Seriously?"

"Yes! And hurry up! You need to get to the airport." I wave him off with my hand and move to the kitchen. "How's it coming in here?"

Jax throws some sort of oil into a frying pan and the flame naerly reaches the cupboards above. "Great!" He shouts, after the flame dies down.

"You almost caught your kitchen on fire. Should I be worried?"

He smiles at that and continues cooking. "The french onion soup is ready, as well as the sun dried tomato bread. I also made a vegetable pasta tower. The chocolate pudding is in the fridge and I got some wine and champage from the restaurant, also in the fridge."

"Wow," I say, genuinely impressed, as I watch him move around the kitchen. "What are you making now?"

"Maine course." He smiles. "It's a sweet potato gratin."

"Sounds...tasty?"

"It's a pretty famous dish at the restaurant."

"What exactly is it?"

"Well, it's a casserol. It consists of sweet potatoes layered with black beans, rice, and spinach. Half a lime for zest, some cilantro, a dash of salt, pepper, coconut milk, garlic, some cornmeal." He shrugs.

"Sooo... It'll taste good?"

"Delicious. If Brittany-" He chuckles. "After Brittany let's you know how much she likes it, I'll be more than happy to teach you how to cook it."

I scoff. "Yeeaah... No, I don't cook."

"All right. I'm off." Adam walks by in the same pair of jeans and shirt, except he threw on a dark blue blazer.

"What the hell are you wearing?"

"It's a blazer. It makes everything look fancier." He picks up the dress from the couch and walks to the front door.

"Adam, she's not going to believe that you're going to dinner dressed like that."

"She would if she knew me. She needs to start getting to know me." He grabs his keys. "One more thing. How am I suppose to explain bringing her back here?"

"Tell her you need to change before you go to the restaurant," Jax suggests from the kitchen.

Adam grins. "Genius," he says, before leaving through the front door.

I scowl. "What-"

* * *

"Hey! Brittany!"

The voice sounds familiar. I look over my shoulder and smile when I see Adam pushing his way towards me. "Hi!"

"Hey." He gives me a quick one arm hug then says, "I got it." And takes my luggage from me. "Have you been waiting long?"

I shake my head. "No, I just got down here. Do you want one?" I ask, holding up my coffee.

"No thanks."

I notice there's a draped bag over his arm. It looks like the bags Santana uses for her expensive dresses. "What's that?"

"Oh, it's for you." He hands me the bag and smiles. "It's from Santana."

"Wow." I unzip it a little and see the top of a blue dress. "Awesome. But... Why are you giving it to me now?"  
"Well, we're going to dinner, as you know, so Santana wants you to go dressed for the occasion."

I look down at my current outfit. Leggings and a blouse isn't that bad, but he is wearing a blazer. "That makes sense... I guess."

"Let's go find the restrooms so you can change."

The dress is so much prettier than I thought. Well, actually, it's more on the sexy side than the pretty side, but it's okay with me. And my boots don't really go with it, but I can make it work.

I fix my hair up in a bun to show off my shoulders and back. I'm sure Santana will like that. Even if she doesn't have feelings for me, I'm sure she'll still like to get a good look at me. She always was and always will be a very physical person.

I walk out of the stall and fix my makeup at the counter with the big mirror. I get a few weird looks from some of the ladies that walk in and out, but I just smile.

When I walk out, Adam takes me by the hand and says, "You look amazing."

I blush and thank him. I'm still not used to him being so friendly and nice. We walk out to his car and before we drive off he reaches towards the back seat and pulls up a shoe box. "She also sent these." He places the box on my lap and begins driving through the exit.

I lift the lid and pull out a pair of heels. "These are so nice."

Adam glances over at them. "Hey, they actually are. I usually hate her taste in shoes, but I do approve of these. I've never seen her wear them though."

"That's because she would never wear anything like this." I chuckle, as I slip them on. "She bought these just for me."

"Well, now we have something to bond over, because I love those." He smiles and I return the gesture. "Do you mind if we stop by my place so I can change my clothes?"

"I don't mind. But..." I look at him. "Why do you want to change?"

"Because I'm wearing jeans?"

"But you're wearing blazer. You look fancy."

His lips form into a huge toothy smile. "I like you Brittany. I have a feeling we're going to get along just fine."  
That makes me smile almost as wide as him. "I like you too."

When we drive up to his driveway he kills the engine and asks if I could help him pick out an outfit. I happily accept and follow him inside.

His apartment is really dark and I feel like something is going to reach out and grab me. (I still get a little nervous when I'm in the dark.) There's some light coming from the patio so I ask, "I thought Jax was working?"

Adam nods and says, "He is. He's doing a private dinner tonight."

"Oh, for like a couple?"

"Yeah," is all he says. He moves towards his bedroom and I follow but then he stops and turns to look at me. "Can you do me a favor, and turn off the patio lights? I'll wait in my room."

"Okay." I walk up to glass door and look outside just as I switch the lights off. There's still some lights glowing outside though. And there's people.

I slide the door open and set a foot outside, but I don't step on cement. Well, I do, but there's a lot of rose petals too. "Guys?"

"Hi, Britt," Santana waves at me from where she's sitting and Jax smiles. They're inside of what looks like a tiny chapel. Except it doesn't have any walls, just a railing, and it's round. It's really beautiful.

"What's going on?"

Santana walks up to me and takes my hand, leading me up to the table inside the chapel. I look around the whole set up. It looks extra pretty with the rose petals and lights hanging from it. It kind of looks... romantic. "This is really pretty, San. Are we eating here?"

Santana smiles and pulls out a chair for me. "Yup."

I sit down and notice there's no more seats. "But... Where are Adam and Jax going to sit?"

"This is for us, Britt."

Jax pops open a bottle of champagne and fills two flutes.

"I'm confused."

Santana gives me a kind smile. "We're not going to a restaurant. That was never the plan. We just made it up so that I could get you into that dress." She points down at me and I blush. "I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh. Well, I'm definitely surprised," I chuckle.

She smiles. "Good. I hope you're hungry. Jax cooked up a whole course dinner."

I look up at him. "Thanks, Jax. I am really hungry."

"Great!" He says. "I'll bring out the first dish." He pushes the champagne bottle down into the ice bucket and takes off.

"You look really really really beautiful, Brittany."

I look down at the candle between us to hide my blush. "Thank you. I really like the dress... And heels."

"I thought you would."

I raise my head just enough to look at her and she's still smiling. She's making me nervous. The good kind of nervous. "You look even better," I tell her.

"That's sweet, Britt, but you know it's not true." She quickly changes the subject after that so that I can't fight her about who looks better. "Adam made this," she says pointing up.

"Really? Like... The whole thing?"

"Mhm. He did it all by himself. He made it for you. Well, for us to have this dinner here."

"Wow." I look around again. "Should I go thank him?"

She exhales a short laugh. "You can thank him after."

I nod and look down at the rose petals laying on the floor. This is romantic. "Santana." I make eye contact with her and make sure I have her attention. "Why aren't Adam and Jax eating with us?"

Her face becomes serious and she presses her lips together before saying, "I know what Finn said at the reunion."

"San-"

"And I also know what you said." She holds my gaze. I think she's waiting for me to say something, but I don't know what to say. I'm kind of embarrassed... Definitely surprised.

Behind me, I hear Jax struggling to roll up a cart. I get up to help him, but Santana says she got it and hurries to help him. She tries to whisper, but I can still hear her because she's frustrated and her voice always gets louder when she get's like that.

"Why did you bring this out? Couldn't you just have carried the plates?" She asks.

"I want you guys to have the whole experience. This is a nice touch. We do it at the restaurant."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not at your restaurant," she scolds.

They roll the cart up to the steps and Santana sits back down. Jax grabs the two plates of what looks like salad off the table.

"Um...Jax?"

"Yes?" He sets the salads down on our table and smiles.

"Is there dessert?"

"Uh..." He looks at Santana who is giggling. "Yeah. I made chocolate pudding."

"Is it okay if I eat that first?"

"I told you," Santana tells him.

"Sure, Britt." He goes back to the cart and pulls out two glasses with pudding from the cart's mini fridge. He trades them for the salads and walks back to the cart. "I'll bring these back out later."

"Jax, please don't bring that ridiculous cart back."

Adam huffs with annoyance and pushes the cart back inside.

"Anyways..." Santana begins. "He said pudding is his specialty, but he says that about everything"

I eat a spoonful of it and immediately scoop another. "I don't think he was lying about this one," I say, my hand hovering over my mouth.

"Hey, this is good," she says, after trying it. We enjoy the pudding for a few minutes before she puts down her spoon and I know what's coming. "Britt... Can we talk about what you said the reunion."

"I was drunk."

"I know, but you know people get really sincere when they're drunk."

"Not everyone."

I feel her eyes on me as I stir my spoon around the pudding and I look up. She looks sad.

"So, you're saying you didn't mean what you said?"

I shrug. "You have a girlfriend."

"I don't. Not anymore."

I think I know what's she's trying to tell me, but I'm not sure if I'm right. It'd be too good to be true. But what else could she be telling me? We're all dressed up and we're having a romantic dinner.

"Britt? Did you mean it?"

I hesitate. My feelings have always come naturally to me. I've never had any problems with expressing them. But right now I'm really stuck. I know what I feel. I'm sure of it. But for the first time ever I'm really nervous about letting them show.

"Cause..." She licks her lips and I can tell she's about to put herself out there. She's nervous because she's going to make herself vulnerable. I think we're both nervous for the same reason. "If what you said is true. I... It would make me very happy."

She's really trying and I'm being dumb. Why am I making it so difficult? It's obvious what's going on here.

"I did mean it." I nod once. "I love you. A lot."

Her face lightens up and she let's out a breath of relief. "But um... do you... are-"

"I am in love with you... still. Always."

She chuckles nervously and leans back on her chair. "I love you too, Britt. So much." She leans forward again and takes my hand. "I can't believe it took this long for us to get back together."

I smile wider at that last part.

"You do... want to be with me, right?"

I take her face between my hands and pull her forward into a kiss. She inhales really deep through her nose and kisses me until she needs to catch her breath again.

"Of course I want to be with you. More than anything," I say, looking into her eyes.

"Good, cause this would have been really embarrassing if you didn't."

I laugh and we pull away when Jax clears his throat.

"Are we ready for the soup and salad?"

"We're so ready," I say, and give Santana a little wink.

I do believe that all these stuff that Jax made are his specialties because they're are so delicious. His main dish was some kind of potato casserole. I think he called it potato grassin, which doesn't make sense because it didn't have any grass in it, but it was really good. The best part of it all was that he brought out our plates with those shiney covers that look like big round UFOs and didn't uncover it till it was right in front of me.

Everything about tonight has been so perfect. Santana looks so beautiful and happy. She hasn't stopped asking questions about me in New York. I don't even know how she comes up with new ones because I kind of told her everything through the phone while I was over there.

"Well, I'm really glad that you had a good time over there, but I'm even happier about you been here," she says, before finishing the last of her wine.

I smile. "I'm happy to be back too."

"You must be exhausted from the flight and all. Do you want to go home?"

"Home?" I smirk.

"Yeah," she says, before she realizes what she just said. "Oh."

"Yeah. I want to go home. C'mon." I slip my hand in hers and pull her inside the apartment.

"Hey, ladies. Did you enjoy yourselves?" Adam asks.

I launch towards him and wrap my arms around him. "Thank you so much. The chapel is beautiful." I pull away and see he looks a little confused.

"She means the gazebo," Santana says.

"Oh. You're welcome. I'm glad you liked it."

"And Jax." I give him a hug too. "That was the best food I've ever had. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Britt. I told Santana I'd teach her how to cook that casserole if you liked it."

I see Santana roll her eyes. "I said-"

"Oh, San! That'd be awesome. You haven't cooked for me since high school. Your grilled cheese sandwiches were really good. I'm sure you'll make a kick ass casserole too."

"Yeah, well... we'll see."

"That means she is," I whisper to Jax.

"I put your luggage in Santana's car, Brittany. You're boots too."

"Oh, thank you."

"Let's go, Britts. I'm tired."

"Is that code for something else too?" Jax asks and gives me a wink.

"I'm standing right next to you, Jax." Santana says. "C'mon, Britt." She takes my hand and drags me towards the front door. "Thank you, gentlemen," she says with a wave over her head.

Throughout the entire car ride, we never let go of each other's hands and I sneak kisses to her cheek and lips every few minutes.

"Brittany," Santana giggles as I kiss her cheek for the millionth time. "I'm kind of already driving with one hand. If I crash this car I'm blaming it on you."

"Fine. I'll kiss your hand." I raise her hand up to my lips and give it a peck.

She laughs. "I can't believe we're actually here... together. In LA! It's so crazy. I would have never thought in a million years that we'd end up here."

"Me neither. But I don't really care where we are as long as we're together."

"Me too." She kisses my hand this time. "But I am happy that we got out of Lima. I'd rather be anywhere other than that stupid town."

"Well... I know how much you hate it there, but I was thinking that maybe we should go visit soon. Your birthday is really close to Christmas so maybe we can celebrate it there and stay for Christmas too."

"Britt, we just got back together not one hour ago. Don't you want to just chill and spend time with me."

"I would be spending time with you... And we have our whole life to spend alone time. I don't plan on letting you go ever again." She smiles and gives my hand a squeeze. "Plus, our parents would be so happy to know that we're together again. It'd be like the best Christmas present ever."

"I don't know, Britt."

"Pleaseeee? I already told my parents I was going to spend Christmas with them this year, but I won't go if you don't."

"Brittany, that's totally unfair. You're putting me on the spot."

"So you'll go with me then?"

She sighs and glances at me.

"Please?" I beg.

"Fine, but we aren't staying for New Years.

I let go of her hand and take her face between my palms, turning it so that I can kiss her lips. She kisses me back, but her eyes don't leave the road.

"It's going to be so fun!"

"Yeah, can't wait."

When we get home, we change into our pajamas together, brush our teeth together, and then get into bed. I spoon her from behind and it feels so good to be able to press up against her tiny body again. I hide my nose in her hair and inhale her scent. It smells as good or even better than the last time I got to do this. She feels so familiar that it seems as if we were never apart.

"Thanks for tonight. It was really beautiful... You're really beautiful." I say, and kiss her neck.

"You're welcome. And thank you." She let's out a shaky laugh and presses her hand down on the one I have over her stomach.

I kiss the little bone that sticks out from the back of her neck and slide my hand from beneath hers and onto her hip. "I missed you."

"Me too. I hope they don't call you back too soon for another job."

"No, I mean I missed you... like, all these years." I move my hand under her t-shirt and feel her twitch when I touch her skin. "San?"

She turns her body around and faces me.

"I missed you too. You have no idea how much." She takes my hands and holds them in between us. I think she notices that I'm a little worried because she gives me a sweet smile and kisses the tip of my nose. "Is it okay if we just sleep tonight?"

I nod. "Of course."

I'm not sure why she wants to go to sleep. I thought she'd want me as much as I want her. She gave me a sexy dress and a romantic dinner. We haven't made love to each other in more than four years. I thought she'd rip my clothes off as soon as we got home. Does she not find me as hot as she used to? That's kind of a scary thought. I definitely still think she's the sexiest woman I've ever seen.

I'm not sure why she wants to go to sleep, but her beautiful brown, tired, eyes are staring at me as they fight to stay awake and that's enough for tonight.

We have life time left to make love.


	14. 32 Degrees With Sunny Skies

_First off, I want to say HELLO! to the new readers and thank those of you who left comments/reviews. They are always appreciated. _

_Also, as you all know, the last chapter was in Brittany's POV and I really enjoyed writing that. I was thinking about, maybe, doing it again sometime. What do you guys think? Let me know._

_since I took my sweet time posting chapter 13, here's 14. I hope you guys enjoy this one. I had fun writing it. :)_

* * *

The sun has already hidden behind the valley and the snow is thick, but I can still clearly see the bright yellow house as the cab parks near the curb. "Britt, there's still time. We can still turn back and go home. They'll never know."

"Santana..."

"Come on, Brittany. This trip already sucks! Look at this ridiculous weather. I have five layers of clothes on and I'm still freezing my ass off."

"It's not that bad. And look on the bright side! We get to make snowmen and have snow fights like we used to. Don't you miss doing all that?"

"Totally." I huff with annoyance and follow her out of the cab and towards the trunk. "Is this idiot not going to help us take our things down?" I bang the side of my fist against the the taxi. "Hey! Muhammad! How about a little help here?"

"Santana, it's really cold, just leave him."

"It's his job, Brittany. It's not like it's that hard. And I'm actually trying to do him a favor. He looks like he's one pound away from being the male version of Ursula."

"Here," she hands me my luggage and goes over to the driver's side to pay the fare.

"Don't tip him!" I shout.

Once the taxi leaves, Brittany takes my gloved hand in hers and we walk up the pathway towards the Pierce's front door.

Her parents aren't expecting us at all. They think Brittany is arriving next week...alone. I haven't seen them since the day of my graduation. Although I would rather not be here, I am kind of excited about seeing them. I spent more time here than at my own house so they kind of became a second set of parents.

We get to the door and Brittany pulls me to the side.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"Hiding you." She pushes me out of view from the doorway and tells me to be quiet by holding her index finger against her lips. She rings the doorbell and tries to hold back her excitement as she waits for the door to be answered.

I expect to hear the voice of her mom or dad when the door is opened but it's a much younger voice that shouts, "Brittany!"

"Hi!" Brittany lunges forward and lifts her sister off the floor in a hug.

"I thought you were flying in next week!"

Brittany sets her down and smiles. "I was, but I have a surprise for everyone."

"What is it?" I can hear the excitement in Jamie's voice. I hope I don't disappoint. She used to love me back in the day, but that was almost five years ago. I might not seem as cool as I did now that she's a teenager.

"Brittany?" I hear Ms. Pierce ask.

"Hi, Mom! Hi, Daddy!"

Brittany's jacket makes a ruffling noise and I assume they're having a group hug.

"Oh, baby! I'm so happy to see you. I missed you so much!" There's sounds of motherly kisses on cheeks and Brittany's light laugh.

"Come on in, sweetheart. It's freezing out there."

_You have no idea, Mr. Pierce_. I think to myself.

"Wait! I have a surprise for you guys. Think of it as an early Christmas gift." Brittany reaches her hand out for mine and I take it, moving from behind the wall and into their line of sight. "Surprise!" Brittany shouts.

"Hi, guys," I say, with an awkward smile

Mrs. Pierce's hand shoots straight to her mouth as if to cover her shock, while Mr. Pierce stares at me with an opened mouth, surprised, smile.

Jamie's eyes go wide and she tackles me with a hug. "I thought I was never going to see you again!"

I chuckle. "And I thought you'd still be a midget. Talk about growth spurt, huh?"

"Santana." Mrs. Pierce is next in the line of hugs and wraps her arms tightly around me. "This is such a lovely surprise!" She pulls away and holds me at arm's length. "Look at you! You're all grown up! You went from a pretty girl to a beautiful woman."

I laugh nervously and thank her. Compliments are something that I'm used to and love, but I never know how to respond to them when they're coming from grown ups. It's just... weird.

I look behind her and see Mr. Pierce wearing a warm smile and holding his arms open for me. It's odd how happy I am to see him. I always had a special respect fo him because he's very reservered, yet one of the nicest men I've ever met. Whenever I used to come over and Brittany did silly stuff with her mom, that I was not up for doing, Mr. Pierce would sit back with me and chuckle at their quirkyness. I guess, in some way, I'm a lot like him.

I move into his arms and he gives me a tight fatherly squeeze. "It's good to see you again, Santana. I thought you'd forgotten about us."

"Not at all, Mr. Pierce," I say, and immediately feel guilty. I _did _forget about them. But not because I have something against them or anything like that. It's just that when I left Lima I wanted to leave everything and everyone behind. I almost did the same thing with my own parents. The only reason why I still visit them is because my mom forces me. I'll never admit it, but I'm glad she does that. I love my parents and I'm happy they don't allow me to completely detach from them. It shows they care.

"Mom? What's wrong?" Brittany asks, worriedly.

"Oh! Nothing." Mrs. Pierce waves one hand in dismissal and shields her face with the other. "Don't mind me."

"You're crying." Brittany slips her arm around her mother's shoulders and wipes her tears.

"They're happy tears," she says with a shaky laugh. "I'm just so happy to see you both."

Brittany smiles wide and gives her a squeeze. "Welllll... get ready to happy-cry some more." She moves next to me and encircles me with her arms. "San and I are back together!"

Jamie claps excitedly and Mrs. Pierce's subtle sobs pick up again. "So many surprises. S..so happy," she manages to say.

Mr. Pierce grips both of our shoulders and grins down at us. "Congratulation, girls," he says before moving past us to comfort his wife.

After Brittany's mom is able to catch her breath again, we all sit down to have dinner. Just twenty minutes ago I was trying to convince Brittany to turn around and go back home with me, but I'm happy she never gives in when I whine about ridiculous things such as visiting our parents. The Pierce family are the same kind and generous people that they've always been and I'm enjoying and appreciating their company so much more today than I did five years ago.

Brittany makes sure her family knows every detail about how we ended up back together and her mom almost starts crying again. I think Brittany inherited the ability to express her feelings freely from her mother, and that's great and all, but I'm glad she's not as emotional as Mrs. Pierce.

"Santana," Mrs. Pierce begins, after reeling in her emotions. "Don't think I forgot what tomorrow is." I internally wince because I was hoping she wouldn't remember. "It's short noticed, but I'm sure we can get a small birthday party together. We can invite your parents, maybe some friends."

"Oh, mom! That'd be so fun!" Brittany cries. "We can play birthday games like we used to!"

I rest a hand on Brittany's knee in an attempt to restrain her excitement. "Thanks Mrs. Pierce, but I would rather just have something low key. Spending the day with you guys and maybe my parents would be fine."

"We should go to Breadstix!" Jamie adds.

"Ohhhh," Brittany points at Jamie and nods her head eagerly. "Breadstix! San, we have to go to Breadstix!"

I chortle at their enthusiasm. "We can do that."

"Yes!" Brittany exclaims, and high-fives Jamie. "This is going to be the best. birthday. ever."

When we finish eating dinner, Mr. Pierce offers to clean up and tells us all to get some sleep. Jamie pushes her mom down the hall until she's in her bedroom and tells her she'll take care of us.

"Jamie, you should be more careful with Mom, she's not twenty anymore," Brittany advices. "You have to be gentle, like this." She scoops me up in her arms and runs to her room.

"Brittany!" I squeal.

Her knees near her mattress and she drops me on it, making me land with an 'oof.'

Jamie walks in laughing. "Brittany, that' dumb. If I dropped Mom like that she'd break her hip. Plus, I doubt I can lift her."

"I didn't actually mean it," Brittany chuckles. "I was joking."

"Oh..." Jamie says, then tries to sit next to me, but Brittany gently pushes her away.

"No, no, no, no."

"What?" Jamie asks, somewhat irritated.

"You have go to bed."

"I will... in a bit." She tries sitting down again, but Brittany takes her spot. "Brittany!"

"I can't let you sit down because I know you'll just want to talk to Santana and then you'll pretend to fall asleep so that I have to sleep on the floor with Lord Tubbington." She looks around. "Where is he, by the way?"

"I don't know nor I care where your stupid, obese, cat is. And I wasn't going to pretend to fall asleep. I'm not seven anymore." She stomps out of the room and comes back a few seconds later to toss some extra sheets on Brittany's bed before leaving again.

"Wow," I breath out.

"Do you think I was being too mean?" Brittany asks.

I scoff. "Oh please, that was nothing. You've seen how _I_ talk to people. Now, _that's_mean," I say, with a smirk.

"But why did she get so upset?"

I get up off the bed and start peeling my many layers of clothes off. "Well, she _is_in high school now. It's her time to be a little brat."

Brittany's shoulders slump. "I guess... I just hope she isn't having a rough time."

I slip my pajamas on and climb onto her bed. "Don't worry about it." I say, looking around the room, it's exactly as I remember it. "She's a smart girl. I'm sure she'll handle whatever comes her way just fine."

"I hope so." She slips her clothes off faster than I can say goodnight and is cuddled next to me within seconds. "It's nice being here with you again."

"I agree. It is nice being here with me."

She looks up at me and flicks my nose. "Ha...ha"

"I'm kidding." I laugh and snuggle her closer, inhaling her scent. "I'm really glad you made me come... Okay, that sounded _so _wanky."

"_So _wanky," she agrees.

"But seriously, I need to listen to you more often."

"What are you talking about? You always listen to me. It's like- remember when we went to watch 300?"

"Yeah."

"Do you remember the part where the king is going to kick that guy into the well, but he, like, asks for his wife's permission first?"

"Yeahhh?" I say. I think I know where this is going.

"Well, you're totally King Leonidas and I'm Queen Gorgo. You got the bad assness, but you always check-in with me first."

"I don't _always _ask for your permission," I say, trying to downplay it. "I can do stuff without asking you."

"Of course you can. But you still ask me either way." She smiles and kisses me before abruptly pulling away. "We can dress as them for Halloween next year!"

"Brittany, I'm not going to dress up as a dude."

"But you won't be just _any_ dude. You'll be a king! Why wouldn't you want to be a king?"

"Because I rather be a queen?"

"Well... I'd dress up as King Leonidas, but I don't look as intimidating as you."

I tilt my head in thought. "That's true."

"So you'll do it?" She asks, eagerly.

"I don't know. We'll see."

She settles her head back on my shoulder with a satisfied grin before whispering, "They don't say you're whipped without reason."

"What? Who said that?"

She shrugs. "It's just the word on the town."

I frown at the thought of people saying I'm whipped behind my back... Or saying it at all. "Well whoever is saying it is wrong. And it's not, the word on the town, it's the word on the street."

Brittany shakes her head. "No, believe me, it's the word on the _town_."

She giggles and my frown turns into a deep scowl.

"Goodniiight," she sings, before switching the lights off.

* * *

"Wake up." I hear Brittany's distant voice say. "Wake up, sleepy head." There's a soft kiss under my ear and I stir in hopes that I'll be left alone. "I made you a birthday breakfast," she says, and pulls the bed sheets off me.

I shrink my body into a fetal position and groan Brittany's name.

"Come on, San. It's your birthday. We have to start celebrating."

I open my eyes half way and see her smiling down at me.

"Happy birthday!" She bends down over me and presses her lips against mine. "I made your favorite," she announces, and sets a tray with some crepes and scrambled eggs down on the night stand. "Don't make fun of me if I didn't make them right, okay? I was going to ask my mom for help, 'cause you know how I don't really get recipes, but I wanted to do it myself. Oh! And..." She pulls out a daisy from her back pocket and hands it to me. "I cut it from my mom's garden. It was the only one left."

I'm wide awake now and I feel myself beaming. "It's beautiful."

She gives me a huge grin, the way she does when she's proud of herself.

I grab her shirt and pull her down ontop of me. She lands gracefully over me and I grab her face between my hands. "Thank you."

She smiles and kisses me. Her hands slithering under my shoulders so that she can press me up against her. "I just- want it- to be a- good birthday," she says, in between kisses.

"It already- is," I respond.

She slows our playful kisses down and delicately slips her tongue into my mouth. She slides it over my own and slips it back out to give me one last, wet, kiss. "And it'll only get better," she whispers, with a twinkle in her eyes. "But I gotta go for now." She rises off me and walks towards the door. "I have to help my mom with breakfast, but we can go to your parents' once you're done eating, okay?"

I nod. "Thanks again, Britt." I grab the tray and lay it on my lap. "I'm happy we're here."

"I love you."

The pit of my stomach feels funny at the sound of the words and I smile. It's a good feeling. An _extremely_ good feeling. "I love you."

* * *

Once I finish my breakfast, which was pretty damn good, I take a quick shower before heading out from Brittany's room in a clean five layer outfit. Brittany and Mrs. Pierce are finishing up breakfast when I stop by the kitchen doorway. "Good morning, Mrs. Pierce."

"Good morning, birthday girl. Are you excited about your dinner tonight?" She aks, with a playful tone.

"Very," I smile.

Jamie walks in and gives her mother and I a very dull morning greeting, not bothering to even look in Brittany's way.

Brittany frowns when she notices and says, "Thank you for letting us use your car today, Jamie."

"You're welcome," she anwers, her eyes on her breakfast. She pours herself some milk and grabs her plate off the counter. "I'm going to eat this in my room."

Once she's out of sight, Mrs. Pierce sighs, sadly. "Don't take it personal, Brittany. She gets like that sometimes. She's a good girl, but lately she's been... well, angry. She becomes upset very easily."

"Have you tried talking to her?" Brittany asks.

"I have. Your dad and I have both tried to be very involved in her life." She dodges Brittany's eyes and looks down at her hands. "We don't want a repeat from last time... I still can't forgive myself for being so out of the loop while you were in school..."

"Mom..." Brittany starts.

"I know what you're going to say." She looks up. "I know you think it was your fault that you had to repeat your senior year but it wasn't, Brittany. I should have been more involved. I should have known you were having trouble."

My heart sinks. It wasn't Mrs. Pierce fault. It was mine. I was her girlfriend. I spent everyday with her and never noticed how she was falling behind in her classes. The fact that I knew she needed extra help sometimes wasn't enough to make my stupid self realize she needed me.

"I was so worried about your dad being sick and losing his job that I put you and your sister on hold. I'm so sorry for that, sweetheart. I should have made the time."

Brittany gives her a sad smile. "Mom, that's in the past. Plus, I turned out pretty okay, right?" She says, trying to lighten the mood. "It took a little longer but, I got to move to LA. And now I get to dance everyday and I have my perfect girlfriend back with me again." She smiles at me and I roll my eyes with a grin. "Let's just try to focus on what's going on with Jamie now, okay?

Mrs. Pierce gives a nod, accompanied by a sniffle. "I just... I don't know what's going on with her and I feel like she doesn't trust me enough to talk to me."

"Mrs. Pierce, I think you'd agree that I was a little crazy in high school," I say.

"I wouldn't say crazy..."

"Well, along those lines. I know how rough high school can be. Maybe I can help her out somehow. Britt and I could try talking to her if you'd like?"

"Oh, that'd be great." Her face brightens up a little "I know she looks up to you. Maybe you can get through to her."

I smile. "Great. We'll talk to her as soon as we get back, but we need to get going now." I look at the time on my phone, then at Brittany. "I want to get there before my mom calls me for my annual birthday chat."

"Okay. Bye mom." Brittany kisses her cheek. "Don't be sad anymore, okay?"

"Okay, sweety. Thank you for being so... you."

"Don't thank me. Thank my parents. They raised me right." She gives Mrs. Pierce one last kiss on the forehead and takes my hand to leave.

"Santana," Mrs. Pierce calls. I turn around and she's looking at me expectantly. "No daughter of mine is going to leave without a proper goodbye."

Brittany sniggers next to me and I walk back to hug her mother.

"Bye, Mrs. Pierce."

"Enough with the 'Mrs. Pierce.' It was fine when you were a child, but you're a woman now and back with my Britty. Plus, it makes me feel old." She pauses and smiles at me. "Call me... Mom"

Brittany's giggles get louder.

"Uh... I- That's very nice of you, but I don't know- I don't think that will set well with my mom."

Mrs. Pierce raises her hand up in defense."Okay, okay. I understand. You can just call me Brigit. Actually, call me Bri. It sounds more youthful doesn't it?"

"Definitely," I agree.

"I always wanted people to call me that but no one ever did," she explains, looking as if she's reminiscing. "Bri..." She looks back at me. "It's never too late to start!"

"Yeah," I try to match her enthusiasm. "So... okay. Bri sounds _great_. Um... so, we'll see you in a few hours."

"Okay!"

Brittany slips her hand in mine and pulls me towards the door, still laughing. "Bye, Moooom!"

We walk out to the driveway and I'm surprised at how sunny it is. I wish I hadn't stacked on so many jackets. Brittany bends down and grabs a fistfull of snow, then turns towards me and stretches her arm back.

"Brittany, no!" I raise my arms up over my face. "Don't!"

She tries pulling my arms down, but I stiffen them. We wrestle and laugh until I'm able to smack her hand and make the snow drop from it.

"Santana!" She finally stops struggling against me and wipes her hand on her jacket. "I can just grab more, you know?"

"Don't, Brittany. I don't want to get my hair wet."

"You have a hat on."

"Well... I don't want to get the hat wet." I look over at Jamie's car, also known as Brittany's old car. "Can I drive?"

"Um..." She looks at the car, then back at me. "I think the roads might be slippery."

"So? I can handle it." She doesn't agree right away so I roll my eyes. "I'm not a bad driver, Brittany. Just because I wrecked my car one time, it doesn't mean that I'm a reckless driver."

"No, I know. You drive slower than my grandma, remember? I just don't think slippery roads are... your specialty."

"And they are yours?"

"You can drive next time, okay?" She doesn't wait for my response and climbs into the car. "You coming?"

I groan and follow after her. When we get to my parents' house, Brittany parks out on the street and kills the engine. "So how are we going to do this? Should I be the one to hide this time?" She asks.

"The less dramatic the better. Let's just both show up, chat for a while, and hit the road."

We head up to the entrance and I knock on the door instead of ringing the bell. I hated hearing that thing when I lived here. I especially hated it on weekend mornings. It was the most annoying ring ever.

The door swings open and my mom stares at me for a few seconds, blinking her eyes as if trying to understand something. "Santana!" She finally says.

She wraps her arms around me so tightly that all I manage to say is, "Hi, Mami."

"Pero que sorpresa! What are you doing here?"

I laugh at her shocked expression and pull a smiling Brittany closer to me. "Brittany dragged me up here to visit."

"Brittany!" She says, noticing her for the first time. She hugs her too and says, "I haven't seen you in such a long time. How are you, Mija? Come in, come in."

We step into the warmth of the house and I immediately shed all my jackets off until I'm left with a thin thermal. No way I'll be able to keep any of them on. My mom loves to keep the house warmer than needed during winter.

"I'm great," Brittany answers. "Thank you." She slips a hand in my own and cups her other hand over them. "We flew in yesterday to spend Christmas and Santana's birthday here."

"Oh, Santana! Happy birthday, baby. With all this sudden excitment, I completely forgot. I was just about to call you to congratulate you though." She then notices Brittany's grip on me and her face shows a hint of realization. "Wait. Are you girls back together?"

I nod, happily. "We are."

"But... how? Why hadn't you told me, Santana?"

"We wanted it to be a surprise," I explain.

"Well, it sure is a surprise!" She smiles. "A very good surprise! Let's go into the kitchen. I'll make you two some hot cocoa and you can tell me the whole story." We begin following her to the kitchen, but she stops halfway there. "Wait, wait! I need to get your father." She runs off into the direction of my dad's study. "Nic! Nicolas! Santana's home!"

Brittany gives me a soft nudge in the ribs. "Do you think your mom has marshmellows?"

I smile and peck her lips. "I don't know. Let's check."


	15. Life's Natural Course

**_So no one has any input on whether or not they would like more Brittany POVs?_**

* * *

"San, you have to leave your shoes here, remember?"

"Oh." I walk back to the front door and I slip off my hideous new snow boots that Brittany insisted I buy. They're the ugliest boots ever, but I guess they're much more comfortable and warmer than the designer boots I brought from LA. "Your mom is still anal about you tracking snow into the house?" I drop my boots by the door and wait for Brittany to do the same.

"She just doesn't want us to get hurt." She takes my hand and leads me to her room. "The last time I was here, I forgot to take my shoes off and Jamie slipped and fell. She looked like she had ice-skates on for like a second, but then she fell and got a nasty bruise on her elbow."

"Wish I'd seen that." I look through my suitcase and pull out some clean clothes. "I'm gonna jump in the shower."

"Wait," Brittany says.

I stop by the door and notice the worried expression on her face. "What's wrong?"

She presses her lips together into a frown before asking, "Do you think your parents are happy about us being back together?"

"Did you not hear the million questions my mom was asking?"

"Well, do you think your dad is happy about it?"

"Of course he is. He knows how much you mean to me. Just because he didn't jump up and down and cry happy tears doesn't mean he isn't happy."

"Yeah. Guess you're right."

I walk over to her and lift her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact. "Even if he wasn't happy about it, it wouldn't change how ecstatic I feel about us and that's what counts. I'm the happiest woman in the world. And you're responsible for that." Her lips twitch into a smile and I kiss them with a matching grin. "I'll be right back." I grab a towel off her dresser and head for the door. "We can talk to Jamie after I shower."

"Okay," she nods.

When I'm done in the bathroom, I go back to Brittany's room and change into some light clothes to laze around in until it's time to get ready to go to dinner.

Brittany and I walk down the hall towards Jamie's room until she tugs on my long sleeve. "San." I stop by Jamies door and look at her. She looks uncertain "What's wrong?" I ask.

"I think I'll just wait for you here," she says.

"Why? Don't you want to talk to her?"

"I don't think I'd be much help. I never say the right thing when I talk to her and you heard my mom... She looks up to you. I don't think she cares about what I have to say."

"Brittany," I frown. "Of course she cares. You're her sister. She's just being a drama queen."

"But she's always liked you. She thinks you're so cool... I mean you are. You're amazing so I can't really blame her."

"Britt, let me ask you something... Who did she go to for answers when she first heard about the birds and the bees?"

"...Me."

"That's right. She didn't go to me, or your mom, or your dad. Who did she want to sleep next to whenever I came over and we watched scary movies?"

"Me."

"And who did she insist on being there every time she got a vaccination?"

Brittany looks up and smiles. "Me"

"Yeah. _You_. Because_ you're_ her big sister. Although I agree that I'm as cool and awesome as anyone can get, I will always just be her sister's cool girlfriend, but you're her sister, Britt. No one can replace you."

Brittany's face brightens up and she embraces me tightly. "I love you," she whispers, then kisses my neck.

A chill runs down my spine. "I love you," I respond.

She lets go of me and knocks on the bedroom door. Shortly after, a very annoyed Jamie allows us in. "Hey," Brittany greets, timidly. "Can we talk?"

Jamie pulls off her headphones and makes room on her bed for us to sit. She might be pissed off, but even then she's still very pleasantly-mannered.

"I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's okay," Jamie shrugs. "I... I did plan on staying to talk to Santana. So you weren't completely off." She looks at me and I smile at her embarrassment. "But I wasn't going to try to sleep there," she quickly adds. "I'm too old for that stuff."

"I know," Brittany nods. "I just forget sometimes. I forget that you're in high school now and aren't a baby anymore."

Jamie closes her magazine and sighs. "I'm sorry for making a scene. It's just that high school isn't as cool as I thought it would be. I get frustrated sometimes and I guess it follows me home."

"Who follows you home?" Brittany asks, worriedly.

"What? No one. I meant I get frustrated about school so sometimes I get annoyed at home too."

"Oh... What makes you feel frustrated?"

"Mostly people. I don't get them sometimes."

"What about them don't you get?" I ask.

"I don't know. The way they talk... I guess. Sometimes I don't get their humor and they think I'm stupid for not getting their lames jokes. I'm not stupid though. I'm passing all my classes. I'm doing a lot better than most of them."

Brittany glances at me. She's worried. She's worried because she knows exactly what it's like to not get people and she especially knows what it feels like to have people call you stupid. Not only that, but she's probably also worried about not saying the right thing to her sister because she looks as if she's ready to say something, except she's running it over and over in her head, trying to find the best way to say it.

"Jamie, as long as you know who you are-"

She scoffs. "That doesn't matter. They're going to keep being mean. I thought being smart was a good thing."

"It is," Brittany confirms. "I wish I was as smart as you."

"But you are smart." Jamie states, confused. "I wish I was as scary as Santana and as carefree as you. You guys never let people get to you when they were mean," she pauses and looks at me shyly. "Well, except that one time... With that guy, Finn?"

"Who told you about that?" Brittany asks.

"Mom. He sounds like the biggest jerk ever."

"The biggest," Brittany agrees. "And he thought he was such a big shot. Did Mom tell you about the time he sold kisses?"

"Brittany, we're getting off track," I comment.

She purses her lips, disappointed about not getting to scold Finn. "Don't pay them any attention, Jamie. I know it's hard. I've been there, but if I got through it I know you can definitely do the same."

She thinks about it for a moment then says, "Santana, maybe you can teach me how to be a little more... assertive?"

"That sounds like it could be fun," I say with a smile, but Brittany stares me down. "I think that you should be yourself though. It's the most overused advice and the cheesiest, but it's true."

"Jamie, high school isn't forever," Brittany says. "This is only your first year, maybe things will get easier. And you're really mature for your age. That's probably why you don't get those kids' jokes. You need to just block them out... Mom is really worried about you being unhappy, you know? It's making her sad."

"I know," she says, sadly. "I haven't been the best daughter, but sometimes I can't help it. Those kids just make me so mad and I take it out on Mom and Dad."

"It's okay. Well, I mean, it's not okay, but you just need to let them know what's going on. Mom especially. She really wants to help you."

Jamie nods. "I'll talk to her."

Brittany sighs, somewhat relieved. "Are Sara and Gaby still your friends?"

"Yeah. They always defend me." Jamie looks down at her magazine and says this next part in a low voice. "Chris is always there for me too."

"Chris?" Brittany questions. "Who's that?"

"My friend."

"Your friend or your _friend-friend_?" I ask. "Cause there's a difference."

Brittany eyes me. "Santana..."

"Well, he's kinda my... boyfriend."

"Ah! You see, Britt? Well, I'd love to meet this Chris. And I'm sure Brittany does too. Right, Britt?"

She nods. "Yeah, I want to meet him."

"So tell him to get his ass here before we leave for dinner tonight," I say. "He can go to Breadstix with us."

"He's not in town. He's at his soccer tournament in Columbus."

"He plays soccer too?" Brittany chirps. "That's so cute! You guys are a soccer couple. San, we should join some kind of sport at the gym or maybe you can take a dance class with me. Something like swing dancing. We can be swingers. We can be the swinging couple!"

I think about a different kind of swinging and laugh. "No, Britt. No way."

"Will you think about it?" She asks, hopeful.

I'm about to agree to that, but I catch her sneaky smile. She knows 'I will think about it' almost always ends up being yes and she's completely using it to her advantage. "Ha! Nice try. You almost had me. I will not think about it. It's a definite no."

A scratch at the door interrupts us and is followed by a very low whining sound.

"Is that Tubs?" I ask out loud. "About time he showed up."

Brittany opens the door and in comes Lord Fatso. Except the name doesn't really fit anymore. He looks at least ten pounds lighter and his coat looks a lot lighter too.

"You got a new kitty?" Brittany asks Jamie. She picks up the cat and strokes his head. "He seems kind of skinny. Are you feeding him right?" The cat presses his head into her hand and begins to pur.

"He's not new. It's Lord Tubbington," Jamie says.

Brittany chuckles. "No it's not. Lord Tubbington is big boned." The cat gives a low meow at the sound of the name. Brittany looks back and Jamie, then at me, and finally back at the cat. "Lord Tubbington?" He meows again, tiredly. "Oh my gosh!" She holds him tight against her chest, his head pressed between her hand and her breasts. "What happened to him?" She asks, alarmed.

"He's sick, Brittany," Jamie answers in an apologetic tone.

"Sick? What's wrong with him?" She looks down at him. "Why is he so thin?"

"His diabetes got worse these past few months and last time we took him to the Vet he said one of his kidneys is starting to fail."

"It's failing? Failing what?"

Jamie frowns. "He's just sick and he's getting worse."

Tubs whines in Brittany's arms. He's barely even audible. He sounds extremely weak and is without a doubt sick. Brittany removes her hand from his head and he looks up at her. "Tubby... What's wrong?" He attempts to meow again before giving up and burying his head in her arms. Brittany is on the verge of crying and it completely breaks my heart. I usually hate that cat, but I wish he was his usual fat and annoying self right now.

"Isn't there any medication we can get him?" I ask Jamie.

"We started giving him some stuff that we got at the Vet's office and we changed his diet, but he isn't really eating anymore."

I stand next to Brittany and flinch when my fingers make contact with Tubs's back. He feels like a bag of bones. I'm sure that if it weren't for his very thin coat of fur, all his ribs and spine would be visible. "Britt, give it some time. I'm sure he'll get better. He loves food way too much. He'll start eating sooner or later."

"He's so sick," she says while cradling him.

"I know, but he'll get better. You'll see." I kiss her cheek, then bend over to kiss the furry head that lays on her arm. Brittany smiles at me and a tear makes it out from her eyes. I wipe it with my thumb. "He'll be okay."

We spend the rest of the day in Brittany's room watching her very old dvd set of Sweet Valley High. Well, I watch it. And when I say 'watch' that's exactly what I mean. I have the volume almost all the way down because Brittany makes it feel like there's a dying child in the room. She lays on her bed, stroking Lord Tubbington as he sleeps near her chest. She hasn't left his side other than for bathroom breaks, always making sure to let me know that she'll be right back and that I should keep an eye on him. But it's not like he needs much supervision. The poor sack of bones hasn't moved all day, which is nothing new, but he also hasn't eaten or even asked to be let outside.

I take a break from the silent film Sweet Valley High has turned into and slither down the mattress until I'm laying down on my side. I can see Brittany's sad eyes across the cat's still body. "Britt." I wait until she looks at me to continue. "We don't have to go out to dinner. We can stay here if you want. We'll just order in. Maybe he'll want to eat some chinese food or something."

She gives me a sad smile. "Thanks, San, but we can't cancel it. You're parents want to celebrate with you."

"We can invite them over." I reach forward and stroke under Tub's chin. He doesn't move one bit. "We'll have dinner here."

She seems to be thinking about it but then shakes her head gently. "No, it's okay. I think he'll be fine if we leave him for a few hours. He's not moving much anyway."

I stretch my arm over the cat and rest it on Brittany's hip. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to make him better."

"Me too."

Later that evening, as Brittany finishes fixing my hair, she glances at me through the mirror for what feels like the millionth time.

"Are you checking my hair or do you want to tell me something?" I ask.

She slips the last hairpin through my hair and sighs.

"Britt, it's okay if you want us to stay in."

"It's not that." She moves around the chair I'm on and gracefully sits on my lap. Her arms snake around my neck and she leans her head on my shoulder.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to leave Lord Tubbington here."

"You can't take him to the restaurant, Brittany. Even if he was allowed in, I doubt he'd want to go." I glance at him, still laying motionless on her bed. "We can just eat here."

"No, I mean... I want to take him with us, to LA."

I look at her through the mirror that sits in front of us. Her eyes are closed and her eyebrows are knit together. She's anticipating my answer.

"I don't know, Britt."

She tightens her grip around my neck. "Please?"

"He's really sick. We wouldn't have the time to look after him. Don't you think he's better here where your family can take care of him?"

"But he's mine," she says softly. "What if he doesn't get better...? What if he... I want him to be with me."

I hold a kiss to her forehead.

I really don't want to take him with us. We will both be busy with work and he'll be home alone most of the time. I won't tell Brittany this, but I'm almost one-hundred percent sure he won't make it past January. I looked up his condition and by what I read I think he's pretty much done. If we take him home with us it will only be worse. We'll have to end up putting him down or he won't wake up one day and Brittany will have to witness it. But would that be worse than him dying without her by his side? Either way Brittany will be devastated, but maybe if we take him with us he'll get to feel some kind of comfort being with her and so will she.

"Please, San... Can you at least think about it?"

"No."

She lifts her head to look at me. Her eyes are filled with sadness and confusion.

"I won't think about it. We can take him. We'll take him home with us. He needs to be with you. You're probably the only person he wants to be with." I kiss her lips. "I'd want to be with you if I were sick."

The left corner of her mouth curves upwards. "I'd want to take care of you." She runs her fingers over a stray hair by my ear, then gives me a soft kiss. "Thank you."

We finish getting ready and leave for Breatstix. When we get there my parents are already waiting for us. We don't sit at our usual booth because we obviously wouldn't fit, so my dad asks a waiter to push some tables together for us.

"Bri," my mom starts, and Mrs. Pierce smiles at the name.

Before I left my parents' house I made sure my mom understood Brittany's mom would now go by that name. She thought it was a little strange. She has always called her by her full name, but she got over it quickly. She's known Bri for a long time and knows she gets crazy ideas as often as my dad gets late night calls for emergency surgeries.

"The girls tell us you and your family would like to spend Christmas with us."  
"Oh, yes. We would love if you had us over. Brittany and Santana think it's only fair if we spent it at your home since they're staying at ours."

"Well, I think it's a great idea," my mother says.

"One question though," Bri says. "Would it be alright if we brought my mother along with us? We always fly her in from Florida to spend Christmas here."

"Of course. That wouldn't be a problem. Nic's mother is actually coming over as well."

I stop twirling the straw in my glass of water and look up. "She is?"

"Yes, mija. You know she always spends Christmas with us."

"Well, yeah... but- Why didn't you tell me? You should have reminded me."

"Why?" My dad asks. "Would you not have made the trip if you had remembered?" He already knows the answer. He's just asking me to put me on the spot. That's what he does when he's disappointed in me.

He's disappointed because according to him, I wasn't the bigger person when I came out to my grandma and she rejected the true me. He's disappointed in me because I haven't talked to her since that day. But why should I have to be the one who goes looking for her? She's the one who didn't accept me and the one who should want to apologize.

I mean, my dad doesn't want me to apologize, per say. He knows she's the one with the wrongdoing. He was furious when he found out about what she told me and created a restraint in their relationship, but he and my mom have always encouraged me to try mending things with. Even Brittany thought it was a good idea, but I don't. I don't need anyone in my life who will not accept me for who I am and who will not acknowledge the love I share with Brittany.

"No," I say to my dad. "I would have came either way." It's a lie of course, but I won't tell him what he wants to hear.

Brittany rests her hand on my leg and gives me an encouraging smile which is wide enough for only me to see. She knows exactly what my dad is doing and wants me to know she's on my side. But I already know she is. I know she'll always be.

Throughout dinner, my mom and Bri talk about Christmas preparations while my dad holds a long conversation with Brittany's dad about finance. Mr. Pierce is a financial advisor. He's my dad's financial advisor. He's been advising my dad ever since we were in high school. This is another reason why Brittany likes to play it safe with her money. Her dad's only advice to her has been to save. Save as much as you can, Brittany. You'll need it one day. He would always tell her.

Brittany and I have kept mostly to ourselves until the clown gang arrives at our table. Every restaurant has them. They're that group of poor losers who get sent to sing embarrassing birthday songs.

I look over at Brittany with annoyance, letting her know I obviously don't approve of this, but she raises her shoulders and shakes her head. She's trying to convince me she didn't set it up, but her sly grin gives her away.

After the outrageous song is over. We are left with a small birthday cake, except it can hardly be called a cake because it's the size of a cupcake. I tell Brittany to pass it down to Jamie and she smiles shyly when it reaches her.

Once we finish dinner we all make our way outside into the chilly night. I can't wait to get to Brittany's room and have her warm me up. But then...

"Santana, can I talk to you?" my dad asks as I say goodbye to my mom.

I tell Brittany I'll catch up to her in a sec and she and my mom join the Pierces in the parking lot.

"I'm happy you decided to visit us. It's been quite a while."

"Well, like I mentioned before, it was Brittany who convinced me to come so you should thank her."

He nods his head silently. "How are you doing in Los Angeles?"

"Good. I'm moving up in the company pretty quick."

"Where did you say you were living?"

"Burbank. My apartment is small and the rent is kinda pricey, but now that Brittany is moving in permanently I'm sure she will insist on helping me with the rent," I pause, not sure if I should go any more into detail. "I'm thinking about asking her to pick a new apartment with me so that it could be ours, you know? So that she has a say in where she's living."

My father nods again. His expression unreadable, as usual. "Santana," he says, then pauses. I know I won't like what he has to say, I never do when there's a pause after my name. "I know you're excited about having Brittany back in your life... And I know she's a good kid. This isn't about me not liking her. It's about me wanting what's best for you."

I clench my jaw and cross my arms, already annoyed by his attempt at being subtle. "Just say what you want to say, Dad."

"I've talked to your mom about it, and even though she doesn't agree with me, I still want to give you the option."

"What are you talking about?"

"If you still want to try making a life for yourself in New York, I'll help you do it. I didn't agree with the idea before, but you're done with college now and that's all I wanted from you. I can help you make the switch. We'll get you a nice condo somewhere safe in the city. And you'll be much closer to us, I know that'll make your mom happy."

"Wait," I say, and hold a hand up in front of me. "If I made this switch would you be okay with me bringing Brittany along?"

He blinks his eyes, surprised by the question. He didn't think I'd read too much into his offer. He didn't think he'd get caught.

"Dad, I can't believe you. I thought you finally took what I have with Brittany seriously," I say, trying to contain my anger.

"Santana, I do take you seriously. I respect your sexuality."

"No, Dad! This isn't about my sexuality. This is about you understanding that I love Brittany. I'm _in love_ with her. How could you suggest that I leave her behind again? I just got her back."

"I understand that, but what you need to understand is that she isn't the best choice for you, Santana. You nearly put off your education for her. She holds you back, don't you see that? She creates obstacles between you and your success."

I close my eyes and pray that a greater being gives me the patience to explain this to him.

"She doesn't hold me back. She propels me forward. If it weren't for her I would probably be living in New York, broke, and with no college diploma. She pushed me to go to school. She gave me up so that I could do what _you_ wanted. Brittany is the core of every accomplishment in my life." I hold his gaze and wait for him to say something. I wait for him to recognize that I'm right, but he doesn't. "I'm sorry, Dad, but we're not going to ever give each other up again... The faster you get that through your head the better." I give him a quick hug. "I'll see you on Christmas." I turn to leave but then remember that I'm not quite done. "And Dad, please try to be a little more discreet about your disapprovement. She's not stupid. She notices."

With rapid steps, I swerve through the parking lot until I get to the Pierces' car.

"Is everything okay?" Brittany asks once I join her in the backseat. She smoothens out the crease between my brows with her thumb. "You're mad," she states.

"I'm okay." I kiss her cheek and try to mask my anger with a smile.

She leans towards me and rests her chin on my shoulder. "Do you remember how I use to relax you after Cheerio practice?" She whispers into my ear. I twitch a little at the feel of her breath tickling my ear and nod. "We can do that if you want. We have cucumbers at the house. I checked this morning."

"Brittany, I'm sitting _right_ next to you. And you're not very good at whispering," Jamie says.

Brittany scoots as close to me as the seatbelt will allow her and hides her lips between my ear and her hand. "And we can also do our birthday ritual," she says, this time in a lower whisper. "I think I still have my hot police woman costume in my closet."

I swallow. I haven't seen that thing in years. The last time Brittany wore it we were in the tenth grade.

She holds a kiss behind the shell of my ear and I almost gasp out loud.

"Ugh. You guys are gross," Jamie comments, clearly not amused by our subtle PDA. "Can't you wait until you're in the privacy of your own room?"

Brittany settles back into her seat and rests her hands on her own lap. "We aren't doing anything. I was just making sure that Santana didn't have any spiders in her ear. We knew a boy who had to quit school because of that, you know?"

"Girllls..." Bri warns from the front seat.

I'm not sure who her warning was intended for, but I'm almost sure it was for me and Brittany. There's being several times where Bri has caught us in the middle of doing... stuff. It's no secret to her how physical Brittany and I were. Are.

We get home and Brittany makes up a lame excuse for us to stay in the kitchen.

"Gross," Jamie says under her breath before she leaves to her room.

Bri eyes us curiously, but Mr. Pierce wraps an arm around her and leads them to their bedroom. "Take it to your room, Brittany," Bri advices over her shoulder and I feel my cheeks get warmer.

Brittany giggles and begins looking through the refrigerator. "I saw some cucumbers here when we were making breakfast. They're already cut."

"Britt, it's kind of late. Maybe we can skip the facial and fast forward to the massage?" I didn't mean to sound provocative, but apparently that's exactly what I did because Brittany shuts the fridge close and gives me a seductive grin.

"Do you want Brittany to give you a massage?" She asks as she nears me. "Or would you prefer Officer Pierce?" She reaches me and places her hands on my shoulders. "Cause she's a sexy policewoman, but before she went to police school she wanted to become a professional massage giver." She rolls my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. "So she went to a massage school too." She leans forward and kisses my neck. "She wanted to specialize in certain areas. Like the neck." Her tongue darts out in between a kiss and I feel the hairs on my arms stand. God, how I've missed her role play. I don't know how she does it, but she manages to be the perfect combination between adorable and sexy. "And the chest," she continues. One of her hands slides down to my ribcage and her thumb runs along the outer side of my right breast. My breathing is already getting shallow, but it comes to a halt when her other hand flows down in between us and she gently lands it over my, what she likes to call, "And lady parts. Your lady part."

My lips part and I remember how to breathe. She's touching me over my dress and it's such a soft touch, but I'm about to pass out. It feels like it's the first time she's ever touched me. Maybe it's because I haven't gotten laid in such a long time. Wait-

"Brittany, hang on."

She frowns. "You don't want Officer Pierce?"

"No, it's not that. I do want her. A lot, but-"

"Come on! I'll put on the suit." She pulls me to her room and bursts us through her door. Usually Lord Tubbington would jump (or should I say jolt as far up as his fat self would allow him) at the sudden noise, but this time he barely even makes an effort to look up at us. He's in the same place on Brittany's bed where she left him and his food and water look untouched. "Tubby.." Brittany coos, letting go of my hand and moving to her bed. She strokes his back and he slowly drags himself closer to her. "I'm here. I'm sorry I left." She lays down on her spot from earlier and I squeeze behind her. "Is it... is it okay if we lay some blankets down on the floor to give you your massage? I don't want to move him." Her voice sounds tiny like it does whenever she's trying to hold back tears.

"Don't worry about it, Britt. We can call Office Pierce another night." I drape my arm over her and pull myself closer to her back.

"I'm sorry for ruining our birthday ritual."

"I don't mind skipping it this year. We'll have a lot more opportunities in the future."


	16. Mix and Match

It's Christmas Eve. Brittany and I are fixing some Christmas lights that the crazy winds knocked down last night. It's only a few of them and I didn't think they needed to get fixed because you can't really tell they're out of place, but Brittany insisted that we go up on the roof and fix them.

So I gave in and followed her up the ladder onto the roof, but I really don't know why I came up here. It's not like I'm helping her. All I'm doing is holding on to the chimney and curling my toes inside my boots because I'm not particularly fond of heights.

"So you're sure your parents drink that fruit punch during Christmas?" Brittany asks. "'Cause I don't remember you ever giving me any whenever I went over to eat Christmas leftovers at your house."

"I never gave you any because my dad would always spike it with rum and he and my uncles would finish it that same night."

"Oh. Should we spike the one we made?" She lays on her stomach and reaches down over the corner of the roof to pull a string of fallen lights up.

I watch her, my grip around the chimney tightening "Um. No, that's fine. If we did Jamie wouldn't be able to drink any."

Brittany pushes forward some more and dangles both arms over the roof. "You're so thoughtful."

"Brittany, becareful. _Please_."

After a moment she retreats her arms and stands up smiling. "It's okay, San. I got it." She begins to move towards me, but her foot slips and her arms shoot to her sides to regain balance.

"Brittany!" I release the chimney from the death grip I had on it and grab onto Brittany's closest arm with both of my hands.

She quickly comes to a halt and smiles. "Kidding!"

"What-" I give her an angry glare and let go of her. "That wasn't funny. I'm climbing down now." As I walk across the roof with baby steps, Brittany passes me swiftly and gets to the ladder before me.

"I was just kidding," she says, still laughing. "We're only like twelve feet off the ground."

I ignore her and move down the ladder.

"Do you think we're taking enough ta-moles?" She asks as she climbs down the ladder.

"It's _tamales_ and yes we are taking enough. It's not the only thing my parents will be eating."

She hops off the ladder and lands next to me. "I know it's_ ta-ma-les_, but ta-moles sounds funnier."

"I guess."

"Don't be mad," she cooes and pulls me into a hug. "It was a joke. I won't do it again. I promise."

I hold my arms at my side, not wanting to forgive her so easily. "You know I don't like heights and then you go and pull something like that. It wasn't funny."

"I'm sorry." She leans away to looks at me. "Will you forgive me?"

I shrug.

"Please?" She pecks my lips, but I don't respond. "Pleeease?" She looks at me in the eyes for a few seconds then looks down at my lips. "San?"

She _would_ use that against me right now. I move forward and press my lips against her. "You're awful," I say as our lips touch. She smiles and holds me until my phone starts ringing.

"I'll go put the ladder back," she says before grabbing the ladder and leaving to the garage.

I look down at my phone and see it's Adam calling. "Hey, Jock Strap!"

"When are you going to stop calling me that? I haven't worn one since the day you walked in on me while I was wearing it in the _privacy_ of my own dorm."

"I'll stop calling you that when I get the mental imagine out of my head which is never. But I actually don't mind. You have some nice glutes, my friend. I'm just glad I saw you from behind and didn't get to see the tragic view that is your meat and two vegs."

"You keep lying to yourself. But I'll let you see God's greatest creation whenever you'd like."

"You have tits?"

I hear his laugh roar through my phone. "No, but you already have one extra pair of those to fondle, don't you? Where is she?"

"She's in the garage putting some stuff away."

"Are you guys spending Christmas at her folks?"

"No. We're going to my parent's," I say, not sounding too enthusiastic.

"To your parent's? But doesn't your grandmother go over every Christmas?"

I groan in annoyance. "How is it that you remembered and I didn't?"

"That's going to be... weird."

"Tell me about it. It's been four years since the last time I saw her. I don't know how this is all going to play out."

"Well, you never know. Maybe she came around and gives you her acceptance as a Christmas gift."

I sigh. "Doubt it. But why are you calling anyway?"

"Oh, um..." He sounds nervous. Why does Adam the Titan sound nervous? "Well... something happened and I wanted to share it with you."

"Adam? You sound nervous. You're making me nervous. Just say it."

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "Jax and I are having a baby. I mean, well, we're not having one, but we're adopting."

I laugh. "What the hell are you talking about? Last time I checked it was Christmas not April Fools. That wasn't even a good joke, Adam."

"It's not a joke. We really are adopting. We've applied earlier this year and now we're just waiting. I'm telling you now because we got a call yesterday and they said they might have a good fit for us."

Brittany returns and frowns when she sees my expression. "What's wrong?" She asks.

I hold a finger up and ask for a minute. "Whoa, okay but- I mean, this is just really random."

"It is for you since we hadn't told you, but it's not like we just happened to decide this today. We've been talking about it for a long time."

"But Adam, you guys are so young. Don't you think you should wait 'till you're at least thirty? Don't you want to live a little first? And since when do you like kids? I thought we both shared the same hatred for them."

"We are young, but we feel ready. And of course we want to live. Raising a kid together will be the biggest adventure of our lives."

"Okay, now you just sound as dumb as Jax."

"Santana, I knew you'd be surprised, but I didn't think you'd be unsupportive. You know you're like family to me. You're my sister. I thought you'd be happy for me. For us."

"It's just a little difficult to do that when I know you're about to ruin your life."

There's nothing but silence as I hold the phone to my ear. I can't even hear him breathing.

"...I just wanted to let you know," he finally says "Tell Brittany I said hello and I wish you luck with your grandmother. Merry Christmas."

"Adam, wait-"

"What's going on?" Brittany asks.

I close my eyes and sigh heavily. "Adam and Jax are having a kid. Well, adopting."

Brittany's eyes go wide. "Oh my gosh, are you serious? That's so awesome!"

"No, it's not Brittany. They're about to voluntarily end their lives." I walk back inside the house and Brittany follows. "Do they not know that having kids changes your life forever?"

"Maybe they do know that and maybe they want the change. Why else would they adopt? It's not like they're adopting without knowing that they're doing it."

"Brittany, you don't get it," I say, tossing my gloves on the kitchen counter. "They don't understand that their world is going to turn upside down. They're going to have to take time off work, give up their freedom, their fun... They're not even married!"

"I wasn't married and I was going to have one."

"Yeah, but yours was a mistake." I want to shoot myself the second those words leave my mouth. I turn to look at her. She's staring at me. Her mouth hanging open slightly and her blank stare quickly turns into a look of hurt. "Brittany. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it." I take a step towards her and she doesn't move. "You know I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm just- Adam's news got me- Where are you going?"

She puts her jack back on along with her boots.

"Brittany." I slip my jacket back on too because I can't let her leave like this.

"Please don't follow me," she says over her shoulder and opens the front door.

"Brittany, you can't leave like this. I'm sorry!" I follow her across the lawn and my sock covered feet sink deep into the snow. "Brittany, please wait!" I struggle my way out of the cold beneath me and finally make it to the sidewalk. "Don't go," I say, grabbing the door handle to Jamie's car, but it's locked. "Brittany, that was so stupid of me to say. I didn't mean it. Please open the door."

She buckles herself in and glances at me with glassy eyes before turning on the engine and driving away.

* * *

We're already an hour late to my parent's and Brittany is still not back. I tried calling her only to find her phone ringing on her nightstand. I'm really worried. Well that's actually an understatement. I'm terrified. Apart from not knowing where she went, she's been gone for a long time, and I don't know what's going to happen when she comes back. We haven't been together for one full month yet and I'm already ruining things.

There's a soft knock on Brittany's door and I see Bri's head poke in. "Sweety, we have to get going. It's rude to keep your parents waiting. I'm sure Brittany will meet us there."

I nod and keep my eyes down. It's embarrassing having to be around Brittany's family right now. Bri didn't make any comments about what happened, but I know she heard us argue because when I came back into the house after Brittany left, she and Brittany's grandmother were quietly sitting in the living room, which I hadn't noticed the first time I was in there.

"See you in a bit, Tubs," I say to the cat. He switched Brittany bed for his own little one a few days ago and started picking at his food. I thought he was done, but I'm really hoping that he keeps getting better.

The ride to my parents' house is a quiet one. I'm sure Mr. Pierce and Jamie are up to date on the Brittany situation. I don't blame Bri. I know she had to tell them something when they asked where Brittany was.

"Don't you worry, schatz," Oma Abi says, as she lays her soft old hand on my arm. "Britty will come back soon. She just need to clean her head. She will come back. You see." She gives me a little wink and I smile.

Oma Abi is the sweetest old lady ever but sometimes I have no idea what she says half the time. She's like a German version of Betty White who throws in random German words whenever she speaks.

I might not understand her sometimes, but I definitely got what she just said. And I hope she's right.

My mom and dad greet us at the door and my mom tells me to take the punch and food we brought to the kitchen. I step into the house and quickly greet some of my relatives. I see no sign of my grandmother and thank the Lord. I hope she didn't make it for some reason. Or maybe she found out I was here and decided not to join us.

I continue to the kitchen with a relieved smile on my face only to find that I celebrated too early.

My grandma is standing at the stove stirring a kitchen spoon inside a huge steel pot. She has her back turned towards me so she hasn't seen me yet. I can just turn back and leave. But where am I suppose to leave the stuff I'm holding? I'm going to have to confront her sooner or later. Might as well do it now before Brittany gets here.

I set the food down on the kitchen table and she turns around at the sound. We look at each other for a few seconds before she turns back around and continues her stirring.

"Are those tamales?" She asks in a low voice. She doesn't sound angry, but she definitely doesn't sound excited either.

"Yes," I answer.

"You made them?"

"Yeah. Brittany and I."

She grabs a measuring cup full of sugar off the counter and pours it into the pot.

I move a step forward and try to get a glimpse at what she's doing.

I don't know if she felt me move closer or she just knows me that well that she knew what I was wondering. "It's atole," she answers in the same tone as before.

"Oh. We brought punch."

She nods her head and I don't know what else to say. I'm about to leave because this feels extremely forced, but I hear her clear her throat.

"How have you been? Your mother told me you're living in California." She's still not looking at me, but her voice sounds softer. I think she might genuinely be interested in knowing how I'm doing.

"Yeah, I like it there. It's always warm and sunny... And I got a job at this music company so... it's going good."

"You have to be careful out there. There's a lot of crazy people."

I smile. "I know. I'm being careful."

"Santana!" My mother calls. "Come here, please!"

I hold my stance for a while longer to give my grandmother an opportunity to say something but she doesn't.

"Santana!"

"Coming!" I shout back.

"Don't make her wait," my grandmother says.

I nod even though I know she can't see me and walk back through the foyer and into the living room. I'm staring at the ground so lost in thought that I walk right into her.

"Brittany," I exhale once I look up.

"Hi."

I take a chance and lightly grip her fingers with my own, breathing a little easier when when she doesn't pull away. "Can we talk?"

She nods and I lead us up the stairs and away from everyone's leering eyes.

My heart is beating a little faster than usual because I'm kind of nervous. I really hope she accepts my apology. She did come back here so that's got to be a good sign, right?

I close my bedroom's door behind us and we take seat on my bed.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry. I was a total bitch for saying what I said earlier. I didn't mean it though. I swear. I was just upset about what Adam told me and stuff just came out my mouth. Please forgive me. I don't want to ruin our first Christmas back together. All I want is-"

"Santana, stop talking."

I pull my lips inward and nod.

"I do forgive you. Of course I do. I know you didn't mean to hurt me by saying that, but it still did hurt. A lot."

"Brittany-"

"Wait... You didn't mean to hurt me... but you did mean what you said."

"What? No-"

"It's okay though. In reality what you said is true... kind of. I didn't plan my pregnancy. It was a mistake in that sense. But me having a kid would never be a mistake. It's something I want. The only reason why I was so hurt by what you said is because I'm still sensitive about what happened... when I was pregnant."

I hold her hand tighter and fight the sting in my chest. "Britt, I'm sorry. I know I keep saying it but I really mean it. I feel like the worst person in the world. And it doesn't matter if what I said is true or not because it was completely uncalled for. I know what happened to you is one of the worst things a woman can go through and I should have never said what I said."

Brittany twists her lips and her eyebrows push together in an effort to keep herself from crying.

"It's just that... I had already gotten used to the idea of having a baby," she says, and the first tear comes rolling down her cheek. "I had already pictured it's tiny hands and it's little feet."

"Britt..." I don't know what to say. I'm back to being the stuttering mess I was when she had the miscarriage.

But this time the need to make her feel better is bigger than ever. I feel it in my chest. It makes my heart pound desperately.

So maybe it's the way she's choking back her sobs or the way her nose is turning red. Or simply the way she's hurting without me being able to do anything about it. But what I say next surprises me the most.

"Britt, maybe- I mean, I'm not saying you can replace... that baby but... if you want to have a baby... maybe we can have one."

She tries catching her breath and eyes me curiously. "What?"

That's definitely not the response I was expecting and it makes me wonder if it's too late for me to back out. Or maybe I can make it sound like I offered something else. Like when you say 'I love you' and if the other person doesn't say it back you can just say that you meant to say 'olive juice.' Not that I've ever tried it 'cause I don't know how that even makes sense but... Ugh. I can't back out.

"A baby. You and me." I try to clarify.

She wipes her wet cheeks dry and focuses her attention on me. "But you yelled at Adam because he's adopting one."

"Well, yeah. But that's them and we're us."

"How is it different for us?"

Why is she asking so many questions? I thought she would just agree and jump up and down.

"I- I don't know. Because I love you?"

"They love each other too."

"Geez, Brittany. Is the thought of raising a kid with me that puzzling?"

"No, of course not. I would love to have a baby with you." She smiles and squeezes my knee. "That has always been one of my biggest dreams."

"It has?"

She nods. "But... I never told you 'cause I always thought you didn't want any. But you do?"

"I do if I get to have them with you."

Her face beams but quickly returns to confusion. "But why were you so upset when Adam told you they're adopting?"

"Because! I mean, I want to have kids with you but not at this very moment. I want us to have a chance to enjoy each other's companies without having to worry about sharing it with anyone else. I want us to be greedy for a while. Adam and Jax." I shake my head. "They're going to lose that."

"But honey, it's not like they're kids who don't know what they're doing. If they feel ready then they should be allowed to do it and you should be supportive. Just because you don't feel ready it doesn't mean they're suppose to feel the same way. You're their friend and even if you don't agree with their decisions you have to be there for them."

I groan and collapse back into my bed. I'm annoyed, not at Brittany but at what she's saying because I know that it's true.

She crawls next to me and lays on her side to look at me. "So you want to make babies with me?" She asks with a giggle. "That's like the best Christmas gift ever."

I laugh and match her position so that I'm looking at her. "I know, right? But I want them like, a long long longgggg time from now."

"How long?" She asks, playfully.

"Thirty years from now."

"Thirty! Your mama eggs will be all dried up by then."

I scoff. "I'm not popping out any crying slash pooping machines. That's going to be your job."

"But what if I want them to have your big pouty lips and your perfect, amazing, smile?"

"Too bad. You're just going to have to make the most out of my lips and smile or find a ridiculously good looking donor that looks just like me. And if you end up going with option number two, I wish you the best of luck because I know there's not one idiot out there that's as hot as me."

Brittany laughs. "Okay, I'll have our babies then. But don't complain if my body doesn't look the same after."

"I will always love you and your body. I wouldn't care if you lost all your fingers or gained ten more."

"Wanky," she says with smirk.

I lean in and hold my lips against hers. They feel different. In a good way. They taste sweeter. Maybe it's because now I know I'm kissing the lips of not only the woman I love but the mother of my future children. Because there is now no doubt in my mind that this beautiful girl is the person that I will share that experience with.

"Oh!" I break the kiss and hurry off the bed. "My parents always wait until midnight to open presents, but I want to give you yours now. Come here," I say, waving her over to the closet.

She scurries off the bed and stands next to me. Her eyes are still red from crying, but they sparkle with excitement. "My gift is here?"

"Mhm. I didn't want to keep it at your house and risk you finding it. Go ahead," I motion to the closet door. "Open it."

She swings the door open and gasps.

"It's for Tubs. For when we take him with us," I explain. "Do you like it? I bought a new cushion so he can be comfortable during the plane ride."

Brittany pulls out the pink pet carrier from the closet and holds it up to see inside of it. "It's perfect, San! Lord Tubbington is going to love it!" She wraps her free arm around my neck and kisses me hard. "Let's go show my mom! Oh! Wait!" She sets the carrier back down and snatches her purse off my bed. "I want to give you your gift too," she says, and pulls out a white envelope with the words 'Merry Christmas' written across it in red marker. "Here."

"Is it money?" I ask and wiggle my eyebrows.

"I don't knowww," she sings. "Open it!"

I pull the paper lid up and pull out two tickets. "Tickets?" I turn them over and notice the American Airlines logo.

"They're plane tickets!" Brittany exclaims. "For New York! So we can see the ball drop together!"

"What? How did you get these?" I ask. I'm literally amazed.

"I pulled a few strings," she says, proudly. "Ok, Rachel gave me the hook up, but we're going to spend New Years in New York!"

I finally look up from the tickets, my mouth still open and in shock. "Brittany...this is like the best gift ever."

"So you like it?" She asks, hopeful.

"Duh! It's the best gift I've ever gotten." I glance at the carrier and frown. "It kinda makes my gift look like crap."

"What? No! Yours is totally as cool. And it's for me _and_ Lord Tubbington so it's even better."

I give her an appreciative smile and pull her into a hug, holding my arms tightly around her neck. She encircles my midsection and pulls me off the ground.

"Ahh!" I yelp, wrapping my legs around her hips. "I love you. You have no idea how much."

After a few more minutes of hugs and kisses I take Brittany's hand and lead us out the room. There's loud laughs and chatting coming from the living room area and I sigh because that means all the Lopezes are here. It's not that I dislike them, I just dislike being in their presence when they're all together.

We're about to walk down the stairs, but I feel her tense next to me and I stop to look at her.

"What's wrong?"

She let's go of my hand and her eyes scan the foyer behind me. "Your Abuela is here?"

"Yeah, she's here." It's weird hearing Brittany call her that. I mean, that's what she's always called her, but I haven't referred to her by that name in so long. "Maybe we should keep our distance... just while we're here. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

Everyone in my family already knows about my sexuality. Most of them didn't care and the ones that couldn't handle it, (which were two of my aunts) stopped talking to me for the most part. But I don't mind at all because they're still civil to me and I never liked them to begin with so it's not like I care if I make them uncomfortable. Which takes me back to what Brittany just said. I know that when she said 'anyone' she meant my grandmother. Probably my dad too, since she noticed how he gave her the cold shoulder.

Thinking about my dad, my aunts, and my grandmother making Brittany feel like she can't be herself around them infuriates me. She shouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone. She shouldn't have to feel bad about holding my hand or kissing me. No one should be allowed to do that to her. Especially family.

I try to keep my cool and take her hand again. "Don't worry about it, Britt," I say with my best reassuring smile. "Just pretend like they're not even here. We won't be sticking around for long anyway. It's already kinda late."

She nods with uncertainty and we walk down the stairs, making a stop at the kitchen to get some drinks. A few of my uncles are already there sneaking some rum into the punch we brought and warning their kids not to drinking it. So much for Jamie getting to try it.

We move quietly around the kitchen and I fill up two cups with my grandmother's atole. I hand one over to Brittany and wait for her to take a sip. She always loved my grandma's atole. The first time she tried it she hadn't had a clue of what it was, but she asked me if she could have a cup of her own. Every year after that she made sure to always remind me to save her some along with her plate of our christmas leftovers. She's as obsessed with my family's cooking as I am with Breadstix.

My Uncle Felix walks in and immediately walks over to us once he sees us.

"Santana!" He yells in his thick voice, and picks me off the floor in one of his typical bear hugs. "I was looking for you. Here." He hands me a sealed envelope. "Congratulations, college graduate!"

Oh right I had forgotten about.

"Thank you, Uncle Felix."

"Hello, Brittany! What are you doing here?" He asks with sincere curiosity.

I know what he said sounded rude, but he didn't mean anything by it, other than to find out why she's here. He knows we broke up because he's one of the few people in my family who is always interested in what's going on in my life, so that's why he's probably wondering why she's here. There is definitely better ways to find out, but he has never had any type of verbal filter so I'm not surprised by his question and neither is Brittany.

"I came with Santana," she answers, a smile breaking across her face.

My uncle narrows his eyes comically and points a finger at us. "Are you two ladies doing each other again?"

I choke on my drink and begin coughing like a maniac because it went down my windpipe.

Brittany pats my back as I regain control over myself and says, "Not yet," in an offhand whisper.

My uncle belly-laughs and I feel my face get hot. I don't know if it's because of Brittany's comment or the fact that I now how atole chilling in my lungs.

Did she really just say that? To my uncle? I mean, it is Brittany, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but it totally caught me off guard. Hence the choking.

"Are you okay?" She brings her hand up to my face and cleans the smudges off my nose and cheeks.

At that very moment my grandmother walks in just in time to see Brittany clean off the last trace of liquid off my face and give me a kiss on the cheek. She follows my line of sight and notices my grandmother staring at us. "Sorry," she mumbles and leans away from me.

My grandmother purses her lips and turns back the way she came.

Earlier, when I talked to her in the kitchen, I had gotten my hopes up and thought that she had maybe finally came around. She was talking to me again and asking how I was. I thought she had a change of heart, but I was wrong. So wrong.

"Don't worry about her, Santana. She's an old woman with religious beliefs. She's the toughest one to crack, but you're her favorite granddaughter. She'll come around.."

"I don't think so," I say and pull Brittany closer to me. "But whatever."

We chat with my uncle for a while until my mom comes into the kitchen and tells me it's rude to hide out and that we need to go sit with everyone else. I argue with her because I'm not twelve anymore but we end up following her and joining the rest of my family.

My grandmother is sitting down next to my two aunts who only cared to wave to me from afar. How ironic. It's like it's the homophobic corner of the house. Jamie sits down next to us and distracts me for the rest of the night with stories about her soccer team and the ass-wipe kids that giver her shit at school. And when Brittany is busy with her second bowl of locrio, I share some of my best comebacks with Jamie.

When midnight arrives my obnoxious uncles, who've had too many cups of punch, cheer loudly and go around the room giving everyone hugs.

I lean into Brittany, who is sitting next to me, and trap her in a side hug. I burry my face in the crook of her neck and don't show my face again until my uncles give up and stop asking me for hugs. "Merry Christmas, Britt,".

"Feliz Nah-vi-tad," she says in her heavy American accent.

I chuckle at her cuteness and lean forward to kiss her, but she pulls back a little. I open my eyes and see her glance my grandma's way before looking down embarrassedly.

"Brtt," I call, but she doesn't look up. Not bothering to even look at my grandma I grip Brittany's chin gently and tilt her head up until I can see her eyes again. "It's okay." I let my eyes linger on hers then close them again and lean in a little, waiting for her to meet me halfway.

I can tell he's holding her breath because I don't feel it on my lips, but she releases it just before her lips touch mine. She doesn't hold the kiss for long but when I open my eyes she's smiling timidly and smile back because I know she's getting over her fear just for me.

I don't even care to look at a certain side of the room because I know all I'll find are glares so I focus on watching everyone open their gifts.

Not too long after Brittany's dad stands up along with Bri which means it's time to go. While I say my goodbyes to my parents Brittany runs upstairs to bring down the pet carrier.

"Mija," my mom starts. "Are you sure you don't want to stay? Brittany is welcomed too."

"Not tonight, Mami. I don't think it's the best time to stay."

She frowns. "Will you spend New Years with us?"

I shake my head. "Brittany got us tickets to go to New York. It was her Christmas gift to me," I happily inform her.

"Wow, that's a very good gift, Santana. That's very sweet of her."

My father overhears, or more like eavesdrops, and joins the conversation. "Your mom and I spent New Years there once. It was one of our best New Years. I'm sure you and Brittany are going to have a lot of fun."

All I do is stare at him because that was the last thing I was expecting him to say after the conversation we had on my birthday.

People used to tell me I was bi-polar because I changed my mind and moods a lot but the only reason why that happened was because of Brittany. If I was mad or sad she always knew the how to make me smile again. If we went to the movies and I wanted to watch a horror film she always knew how to make me want to watch a comedy instead. Now that I think of it, she's a very manipulative person. But she's a sweet and very sexy manipulative person so it's okay.

Anyway, my point is that if I was really bi-polar, I would have inherited it from my dad because what the hell? Just a few days ago he wanted me to ditch Brittany and move to New York and now he's telling me just how much fun I'm going to have with her there.

I hear my Uncle Felix's obnoxious laugh coming from the stairs and see that he's laughing at something Brittany said.

"Santana, I'm sorry for what I said to you the other day. You're obviously not a kid anymore and can make decisions on your own. If Brittany's the one who makes you happy then that's who you should be with." He rubs his freshly shaved chin. "My uh... my offer will always stand though. You can bring Brittany of course," he adds before I can say anything. "It would be nice to have you closer to us. The both of you."

I give him and tight smile and nod. "Thanks, Dad."

"Bye, Mrs. Lopez." Brittany comes almost skipping towards us and hugs my mom. "Your food was delicious."

"Ohh, Brittany," my mom says, with a swish of her wrist. "You're too kind."

Brittany smiles but turns nervous when she looks at my dad. "Thank you for having us, Mr. Lopez," she says in a diplomatic tone.

"My pleasure, Brittany. Maybe next year we can fly down to Los Angeles."

I know exactly what that means and so does Brittany because she clearly relaxes and smiles again. "That'd be nice."

Of course that I don't bother saying goodbye to my grandma after the way she behaved so Brittany and I walk out hand in hand towards her car.

"Wait! Britty!"

I look out the window as Brittany turns the engine on and see Oma Abi hurrying down the street. "Oh my God. What is she doing?"

Brittany jumps out the car and runs to help her walk the rest of the way. "Oma, you shouldn't be running like that." Brittany says softly, as she guides her inside the car.

Her grandmother makes a weird scoff sound before saying, "I'm not too old Britty!" She also says something else in German and Brittany responds by saying 'young'. "Ah! I'm young. Yes."

Once she's buckled in on her seat we start the drive back to the Pierce's.

"Why were you running like that?" Brittany ask her.

"I want to have time with you and Santana. And I want to tell you Santana, Oma Lopez is ubel! Ubel!"

"What's that mean?" I ask Brittany.

She giggles. "It means evil."

"She's saying my grandma is evil?"

"Yes! Ubel!" Oma Abi shouts.. "I saw." She points at her eyes. "But Oma Abi is not ubel." She takes my left hand and tugs on Brittany's right arm until she hands her hand over to her. "I love Britty and I love you, Santana." She speaks German for the next five minutes and when she's done she brings my hand closer to Brittany for her to take. When she does Oma Abi leans back on her seat contently.

"So what did she say?"

"She said she supports us. And she wants us to give her grandchildren before she goes to heaven."

I laugh. "She did _not_ say that."

Brittany grins and kisses my hand. "She just wants us to be happy."

I take a deep breath and tighten my grip around her hand. "Me too."

* * *

**sorry if this was a litte too long, but I wanted to fit all of Christmas into one chapter. **

**Also, I know I'm withholding the sex (muahahaha) but we'll get to it soon, promise!**


	17. Winter Time Cleaning

"This is it!" Brittany squeals and comes to a halt in front of room 301. She slides the key card through the key reader, making it's red light turn green with a beep.

She hasn't stopped smiling since we got off the plane and now her smile is wider as she swings the door open to reveal the most amazing hotel room - well suite- I've ever been in.

"Oh my god," I breathe out as I look around the huge room.

"Santana! Come! Look!" I hear Brittany shout from the second room.

I run towards the sound of her voice and find her sprawled on a king size bed. "Are you serious?" It looks like she's floating on a giant cloud. "Ahh!" I jump on and land next to her.

"And we have a balcony too," she informs. "I made sure the room had one so we can watch the ball drop from here."

I look at her. She's so excited and proud, waiting for my reaction. "Brittany, this is so amazing." I take her face between my hands and hold a long kiss. I can barely smell it over her intoxicating scent, but it even smells like luxury in here. Expensive luxury. I break the kiss and catch my breath before asking, "Brittany, how much was this?"

"Not that much." She stands up on the bed and tries jumping up and down but frowns when she doesn't really bounce upwards and her feet sink into the mattress instead. "It's one of those smart beds." She flops back down next to me and scrunches her nose in disappointment. "I wanted to jump like in the movies."

"Seriously, Britt. How much did you spend?"

"I feel it molding around my butt," she says. "What if it swallows us while we sleep?"

"Brittany, stop it. I know what you're doing."

She sighs with a smile. "I didn't pay that much. I got the hook up from Rachel remember?"

"Then just tell me how much you paid."

"This is your Christmas gift. I'm not suppose to say how much it was. Isn't that why you're always suppose to cross out the price on price tags?"

"Brittan-"

"This bed is so huge," she says, moving her hand across the comforter. "I bet Quinn and Rachel would fit on here with us."

"Ew, don't say that. Now I have a mental picture."

"San," Brittany says, tilting her head with a mischievous look. "You would be the first one to agree to a foursome with them."

I'm appalled. No way would I sleep with Rachel. Ever. "Brittany, that's an insult."

"You're telling me you wouldn't want three hot naked ladies all over you?"

I shake my head. "Not when Rachel is in the mix."

"But you would want Quinn?"

"No! She's our friend. That would be really weird and... gross."

"You're a bad liar, Santana Lopez. I always knew you had a thing for her."

"What?" I say, a little louder than intended. "I don't have a thing for anyone. Especially those two." I leave the room and come back a moment later with our suitcases.

"You don't think Quinn's just a little hot?"

"She's not bad to look at but still not worthy of seeing me naked. Why are you pushing this, anyway? Do _you _want to have a foursome?" I ask as I pause from unpacking to look up at her.

"I would be happy with a sexy twosome with you."

I swallow and continue pulling out clothes from my suitcase.

"Well if you do end up wanting to try something new, we can ask Rachel and Quinn when they get here. Britney Spears did say merrier the more-"

"Wait, what? When they get here? They're coming?"

"Oh... Yeah. It was suppose to be a surprise... Surprise!"

"Brittany!" I toss a pair of shoes on the floor and my empty suitcase follows. "What the hell? I thought it was just going to be us."

"It was but when I called Rachel to talk to her about booking this hotel, she sounded really sad and said that Finn was going back to his camp and she didn't know what she was going to do for New Years."

"Doesn't she have friends? Wait, of course she doesn't. Who would want to be friends with her? Not even her new fame could get people to like her."

"Santana..." Brittany says in the way she always says my name when she thinks I'm being a bitch.

I sigh. "And how did Quinn end up in this?"

"Well, while I... was out... during Christmas Eve, she called me to wish me a Merry Christmas and I told her what had happened-"

"You told her what I said? Brittany!"

"I needed to talk to someone, Santana. She was really nice about it. She invited me over to her mom's house cause she was spending Christmas there. Then we just started talking and she told me she was going to be in Lima during New Years. She didn't sound too excited about it so I invited her too."

"Ugh. Brittany," I whine, and slouch on one of the fancy chairs in the room. "I guess it won't be too bad hanging out with Quinn, but Rachel?" I say, incredulously.

"It won't be _that _bad. It's just for tonight. And we can make her buy booze."

"Hm. That is true. It's the least she can do if I'm going to be forced to listen to her yapping all night."

Brittany nods. "C'mere," she says, and extends her arms as she lays back on the enormous bed.

I slither off the chair and crawl onto the cushioned cloud she's laying on.

"We're both here so it's going to be an awesome night either way," says Brittany.

I lay my head on her shoulder and she encases my upper body with her arms. Her body feels so warm, but even if she was as icy cold as stupid Edward Cullen, there would be no other arms I would rather be in.

My body is already heated by the simple act of cuddling with her, but I quickly begin to feel my body temperature rise as she repositions herself so that she's able to kiss my cheek - then my neck.

"We should get something to eat," I suggest.

Brittany nods against me. "Yeah, we should," she says, before lightly sucking on my neck.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth and turn my neck away to give her more access. Her tongue darts out before she sucks again, a little harder this time. I'm one-hundred percent sure I'm going to have a fresh mark on my neck tonight.

Her hand grips my hip and she pushes me flat on my back.

"I think we should get pizza. I'm really craving some good New York pizza."

Brittany takes a break from my neck and looks at me. "Or some Dominican goodness. Dominican is my favorite."

I giver her a nervous smile before she leans in and takes my bottom lip in between her two very wet ones. Our kiss is soft and slow. She's working me up, caressing my lip with her warm tongue.

I'm so focused on the feeling on my lips that my stomach caves in on itself when her hand sneaks underneath my shirt.

I feel her smile against my lips, and as I disconnect my mouth from hers to speak, she trails soft kisses down my throat. "Britt, I'm really hungry," I say, and move to get up off the bed. "We should go eat and go for a walk before Kim Noble and Idina Menzel's cheap knock off get here."

She sits up and I pretend I don't notice the way her cheeks fill with air and she exhales with a hint of annoyance before following me out the door.

As we walk through Times Square, Brittany links her arm with mine and stays close. The weather is horrible, so we hurry to the closest pizza place and I order our favorites.

"Actually," Brittany says before the employee leaves to get our pizza. "Can you change the pineapple slice for mushroom and add some parmesan on top, please?"

The guy behind the counter gives a toothy grin. "That's a great combo. Mushroom pizza is my favorite too."

I glare at him. "And? Can you go get our pizza? I'd like to eat it today."

His grin drops and he turns back toward the ovens.

"Santana, that was rude."

I ignore her comment and playfully poke her stomach. "Since when don't you like pineapple pizza? That's all you ever wanted before."

She shrugs. "I don't know. I got kind of tired of it. I'm happy I tried mushrooms though cause turns out I like that one more than pineapple."

"Oh... Well, it's noted." I smile. "That's actually Adam's favorite too, so that's something else you two have in common."

"Santana, when are you going to apologize?"

"What do you mean?"

"When are you going to apologize to Adam?"

My lips press into a thin line. I don't like apologizing. At all. "I don't know."

"You know you have to, right?"

"Yeah," I nod. "I'll call him as soon as we get back to LA."

Brittany cocks an eyebrow.

"I promise." I say, and earn a smile from her.

The pizza guy comes back with our orders and I make it a point to take Brittany's hand in mine and give her a peck on the lips. She stifles a giggle next to me as I pay for our food and the pizza boy wears a lost look on his face as he stares at our intertwined fingers before clearing his throat and wishing us a happy New Year.

The place is pretty full, so we take the only available seat, which is a booth.

I've always scoffed at couples who sit next to each other when they're at a booth or table. Because I mean, c'mon! Do you really need to sit next to each other? It's not like you're going to be feeding each other or are attached at the damn hip. And why would you want to sit next to them if you know you're going to be talking throughout? Why not sit in front of them and have a face to face conversation like normal people? It just looks ridiculous.

...And I'm one of those ridiculous people right now... But you know what? I couldn't care less. At least I have an excuse; my girlfriend is super hot. It'd be a crime to be farther than a foot from her.

After our pizza, we walk around Time Square for a while. I haven't been here in years. I actually really miss it. LA is great but even its perfect weather has never managed to give me the warm feeling New York does. This city feels like home.

I see a white speck falling in front of me and look up to see a light coat of snow coming down.

Brittany smiles. "It's snowing," she says, extending her palm out. "I love New York snow."

"Yeah, me too." I squeeze her hand and gain her attention. "As cute as you look right now with your ridiculous panda hat and earmuffs, I think we should get back to the hotel." I kiss her the tip of her nose. "You're turning into Brittany the red nose hottie."

She tilts her head and smiles shyly at the pet name. "Okay."

"Brittany?"

A tall, dark-skinned girl walks up to us.

"Hey!" Brittany wraps her arms around her and I don't miss the way this girl takes the opportunity to kiss Brittany's cheek. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going back to LA."

As we listen to her explain how she came back to New York to spend time with her family, I take the time to inspect her. Now that she's a few feet from me, I can tell she's definitely Hispanic. She has flawless tanned skin, long natural lashes, and her lips are small and very feminine, which totally contradicts the way she's dressed. I'd rate her an eight if she weren't wearing that manly faded jacket; among other things.

"What about you?" She asks after she's done talking.

"Oh! We're spending New Years here." Brittany takes my hand and pulls me closer. "This is my girlfriend, Santana."

"Oh. Nice to meet you, Santana. That's a cool name. I'm Angie."

I shake her hand. "Thanks. It's nice to meet you too."

"I met Angie while I was here for the broadway show. She makes movies, isn't that cool?"

"Yeah, totally."

"Hey, speaking of. I'm starting a new project in a few months. You're more than welcome to join the team, Britt."

"Really? That'd be awesome! ...But I don't really know anything about making movies."

"I told you that wouldn't be a problem. You can help us around the set. You have to start somewhere, right?"

Brittany grins, happily. "Then count me in!"

"Great! I'll give you a call when we get rolling." She looks down at her over-sized watch and frowns. "I have to go. But it was nice seeing you again.

"Yeah. It was nice seeing you too. I'll see you back in LA then?"

"For sure," she smiles. "Bye, Santana."

"See ya."

Once she's gone we start the walk back to the hotel.

"That was random," I comment.

"What was?"

"That offer to work on her set."

"Oh, well, not really. She knows I'm interested in film and had mentioned getting me a job on one of her movies."

"What do you mean she knew you like film? Why didn't _I _know that."

"I don't know. It never came up. I only recently became interested in it. While I was here she talked a lot about it and it sounds fun."

How much don't I know about Brittany? I realize it's been a few years since we've been together, but the more time I spend with her the more I find out about her. It's like meeting her all over again.

"Hm. Well, that was nice of her, I guess. Does she have a girlfriend?"

"A girlfriend? She's not gay," she chuckles.

I scoff at that. "Brittany, she was wearing Converse, a plaid shirt, and barely had any makeup on."

"So? That doesn't mean anything."

"What about the way she kissed your cheek? She totally has a crush on you."

"Santana, you're being paranoid. She's not gay."

"Did she tell you that?"

"Well, no bu-"

"See! Plus she called you 'Britt'. She so has a thing for you."

"A lot of people call me that."

"_I _call you that. Your parents call you Britty. Everyone else calls you Brittany. My gaydar is flawless. She's gay. And I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to kick her ass when she slips and accidently tells you how in love she is with you."

Brittany shakes her head. "You're crazy."

A few hours after we get back to our room there's an tuned knock at our door and I swing it open to reveal an overly happy Rachel. "Surprise!"

"Save it, Berry," I say, rejecting her hug by pushing her at the shoulders. "Brittany already told me you were coming."

Rachel scowls at Brittany who has come up behind me. "Brittany, I thought we agreed this would be a surprise."

"It slipped," Brittany shrugs.

Quinn casually greets me and even though I share a hug with her I don't linger in it. I haven't talked to her since our short phone call on Christmas morning when I took the opportunity to thank her for letting me know how Brittany felt about me. I won't say it outloud, but I'll be in debt to her for life. The least I can do is honor her with a hug.

"So ladies," Rachel starts, and I'm already annoyed. "I thought we could call room service and order some of their finest champagne to celebrate not only the new year but also this reunion of old friends. My treat, of course."

I eye Brittany with a smile and she smirks. "Sure, Rachel," Brittany says. "That's really nice of you. I'll call them right now."

"Great! Just tell them to put it on my card. Rachel Berry. They already know who I am," she says, arrogantly. "Santana, allow me to take this opportunity to express how very happy I am that you and Brittany are back together. I for one, always thought you guys were meant to be and would follow Finn and mine's example of a healthy long relationship."

Quinn rolls her eyes and follows Brittany to our bedroom. "I'll come with you, Brittany. It's clear I will need a full bottle of liquor for myself tonight."

"Berry, I don't want to hear one word about that Michelin looking idiot. He's a two timing bitch who tells me he knew Brittany and I would last forever one day and the next he totally contradicts himself and on top of that makes Brittany cry. Not one word about him tonight. Or ever again."

"Santana, you're being unfair. Finn has this weird need for your approval and-"

"Shh! I don't care. Not one word, Rachel."

A few minutes later there's a knock at the door and I greet the hotel employee with a huge smile.

"Room service for Ms. Rachel Berry." He pushes in a cart with a few different bottles of alcohol and plenty of ice buckets.

Rachel gasps. "There seems be a mistake. We order the champagne. _El cham-pane_?" She says to the man who is clearly Latin. He frowns at her pathetic attempt at speaking Spanish and turns to me for confirmation.

"Rachel, shut up." I pull the cart deeper into the room and thank the man before giving him a tip.

"Santana, I am all for tipping good service, but that was a very undeserving tip. He brought an incorrect order, which I will _not _be paying for." She pauses for a moment then, in a hushed voice, asks, "Did you overlook his mistake because he shares your Mexican roots?**"**

"Rachel, I'm not Mexican, and you don't know that he was either. This goes to show just how ignorant you truly are; which is extremely embarrassing and worrying considering how long you've been in New York; the worlds largest cultural melting pot."

Brittany and Quinn join us in the living room area.

"Hey, that was fast," Brittany comments as she serves herself a glass of clear liquid. "Thanks for paying, Rachel."

I smile to myself and then to Brittany as Rachel stands there perplexed. Maybe now she'll think twice before opening her mouth. Wanky, I know.

The minutes till midnight lessen and so do the bottles.

"Okay! Okay! I got one. It's for both Rachel and Quinn. Would you guys rather have a foursome with Finn and a guy of Quinn's choice or with Santana and I."

"Brittany!" I growl. "Please don't answer that."

"Wasn't going to," Quinn says under her breath.

"Well, although I do love Finn with all my heart and I am quite happy with our sexual... encounters," Rachel explains with motioning hands. "I have - in occassions - wondered what being with someone who shares my same anatomy would be like.. Not that I've thought about this extensively." Her eyes jump from me to Brittany then to Quinn and finish by hiding under her lids. "But I am a tiny bit curious about what you do when you are involved in such... activities with a woman."

"It's really fun. And soft, and you can-"

"You know what, Rachel?" I say, cutting Brittany off. "If you suddenly want to know what a _sapphic _relationship is all about, then go get your information elsewhere. Brittany and I aren't lesbian encyclopedias."

"No, I didn't mean to-"

"Whatever. What time is it?"

"Eleven fifty-five," Quinn answers.

"Let's go move this party to the balcony," I say, standing up and taking Brittany's hand in mine.

The weather outside is much calmer now. It's still crazy cold but no longer windy or snowing. We have a clear view of the sparkly Times Square ball from here and everyone feeling up the streets down below.

Brittany slithers her hand around my waist and pulls me close, laying a kiss on my cheek. "I'm so happy," she says. "I knew we were going to be here together sooner or later."

"Yeah?"

She nods, smiling. "We're meant to be. No matter what happens."

My lips curl into a smile and I hide my face in the scarf around her neck. I suddenly feel a lot warmer and it's a heat that feels even better than the one this city gives me.

I hear the crowds below begin the countdown and I turn my face towards them.

Rachel and Brittany join them enthusiastically while Quinn and I share a smile.

Four years ago I was the saddest, most lonely, most heartbroken person in the world and now here I'm in a ridiculously expensive hotel room with Brittany, overlooking Times Square and welcoming a new year. A new beginning... with her. Life is so damn... amazing.

I watch Brittany as she counts down. Hopping in place every time she yells out a different number. I'm so goddamn lucky she's in love with me. I feel sorry for the rest of the world.

"Two! One!.." She turns to me, her eyes sparkling from the lights around us and her genuine happiness. "Happy New Year!" She kisses me. "I love you."

"I love you," I breath out, squeezing her hip and pressing her closer against my front. "So much."

"Happy New Year!" I hear, followed by tiny arms reaching out towards Brittany and I.

"Off, Jyoti Amge!" I tell Rachel as I'm sandwiched between her and Brittany.

Brittany stretches her arms towards Rachel and the two press into me. This would totally be hot if it weren't Rachel pushing herself against my behind.

I wiggle out of their embrace and catch Quinn smiling. "Happy New Year." I say.

She smiles wider and holds her arms out in front of her. When I pull back from the hug she looks at me and asks, "Can we talk? Inside?"

I lead the way back into the suite and she talks as she refills her glass. "I didn't want to say anything when I called you on Christmas morning because I didn't want to ruin the holiday spirit..." She takes a sip of her vodka then looks at me for a few seconds before saying, "How could you say what you said to Brittany?"

I throw my head back and groan. "I obviously didn't mean it. I was just upset about something a friend told me and-"

"That's another thing. How can you be such an ass to your friend? Adam?"

"How much did Brittany tell you?" I look out towards the balcony and see Brittany wave at me with a smile. I don't return it.

"Everything. And don't even begin to get upset. What you said really hurt her. She needed to talk to someone and it's not like she went and told someone you don't know."

"Yeah, well, I think that would have been better. At least a stranger wouldn't give me a lecture."

"All I'm saying is that you're life seems to be shaping up pretty well and I would hate for you to push people away with your harsh words and bad temper."

"I don't h-"

"Don't even try saying you don't have a bad temper. You know you do and you need to try controlling it. Think before you speak; it's not that hard."

I look towards Brittany again and this time she's staring at me with concern as Rachel continues talking.

"Santana."

"I know but that's just who I am. It's not like I can suddenly be this dull person who doesn't heat up once in awhile."

"I understand that. And you're right; it's who you are, but you need to learn to control it. It's going to get you in a lot of trouble if you don't, especially with Brittany."

The glass door slides open and I turn to see Brittany making her way inside. "Hi," she says.

"Brittany!" Rachel shouts behind her. "I still need to tell you about the time Julie Andrews told me I reminded her of a young version-"

Brittany closes the door, cutting Rachel short. "Is everything okay?"

I nod.

"Yeah, everything's good, Brittany," says Quinn. "I'm gonna get going." She drinks the last of her drink and sets the glass down. "Are you guys flying out tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I respond. "We got a morning flight back to Lima. We're gonna go pick up Britt's cat then head back to LA the next day."

"Okay, well, I guess I'll say bye now. I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow so... don't know when I'll see you guys again."

The door slides open once more and in comes Rachel with traces of snow on her shoulders. "Brittany that was extremely rude. I wasn't done talking."

"Sorry," Brittany says.

"So I'll see you guys," Quinn says and takes turns hugging Brittany and Rachel.

"Oh, you're leaving? I guess I'll be going too. Wouldn't want to impose any lady-loving. Unless... I mean, just for educational purposes-"

"No." I scowl in disgust. "You will be going too."

When Quinn gets to me, I hold the hug and squeeze her a little tighter than usual. "Thank you," I whisper and pull away. "For everything. Um... I hope it's not too long before I see you again. You're always welcome to come visit us in LA."

"I'd like that," Quinn smiles.

"Ahem..." Rachel clears her throat loudly.

"Would you like some water?" I ask her, sarcastically.

"She's just joking." Brittany gives her arm a friendly squeeze. "You're welcome to visit us any time. But just you. No like... plus one. Especially if they're tall and doughy."

Rachel frowns and Quinn and I share a chuckle.

Once Brittany and I are left alone she looks at me with the same worried expression from before. "Is something wrong?" She asks.

"No, why?" I collect the bottles around the suite and place them back on the cart.

"I don't know. You seemed kinda... upset?"

I'm starting to hate that word. "No, I'm good."

"Okay." She goes over to the bedroom and I hear her rustling through her suitcase.

I make up as much time as possible fixing bottles that don't need to be fixed before having to join her. I'm still kinda upse- bothered... about her giving Quinn every detail about what went down. I understand why she did it but the feeling of annoyance is still beneath my skin.

I take a deep breath and start walking towards our luxurious bedroom for the night. The alcohol has me feeling extremely sleepy so at least I won't be awkwardly laying in bed with with her for long.

I momentarily freeze by the doorway when I see Brittany. She's still looking through her suitcase except now she's wearing a golden babydoll lingerie piece. She looks up at me and I quickly look away. I change into some sleeping shorts and tee-shirt. I'm about to unclasp my bra under my shirt, but I decide to keep it on.

"I was thinking that maybe we should help Rachel pay some of the bottles," Brittany says as she joins me under the covers. "It came out to a lot more than I expected."

"No way, she's drowning in green," I say before I vigorously start rubbing my eyes.

"You have your contacts in?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I rarely take them out anymore."

"You should just ditch them and wear your glasses."

"You know I hate those things. They make me look like a complete loser."

"You look cute."

I lower my hands away from my face and look at her.

"Nerdy, sexy, _and _cute," she says then pecks my lips.

"You still think so?"

She nods.

"Well I still think I look like a loser." I close my eyes, my body drifting into sleep.

"San?" She asks timidly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you still think I'm... Am I still attractive... to you?"

My eyes flutter open and find worried blue ones. "Why do you ask that?"

"Well..." Her she lowers her gaze to the space between us then back to me. "I don't know. We haven't been together yet. And I don't want to pressure you if you're not ready... I know it's been awhile since the last time. But... I'm starting to think- I mean, I thought this," she points down at her lingerie, "would catch your attention, but..." She shrugs.

"Britt, of course I find you attractive. You're still the hottest girl I've ever seen. Don't ever doubt my attraction for you." I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "And this little number you're wearing definitely caught my attention it's just that..."

"What?"

"Well, I've been feeling a little weird and guilty when it comes to being with you."

"Why? What do you mean?"

"Um... before I explain, you should know that I do want to be with you - more than anything. I want to make that clear... But I felt that I needed to tell you something before anything between us happened... something that I really don't want to talk about. That's why it's taken me so long to... you know."

"What do you need to tell me? You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah, I know." I nod. "... Remember my friend, Natalie?"

"You're not... still with her, are you? You never really told me what had happened between the two of you."

"No, no. I'm not with her. She actually broke all ties with me because she knew I was still in love with you. But we did..." I sigh. "Look, that night when she took me out to dinner... I stayed at her place and-"

"You slept with her," Brittany finishes.

"Yeah..."

Brittany's brow furrows. "That's what you wanted to tell me?"

I nod.

"But I already knew that."

"What?" I ask surprised.

"Santana, I might not be the smartest person around, but I'm smart enough to understand the obvious. You spent the night at her place after she took you out to dinner. It's pretty self explanatory. But I don't get what that has to do with us having sex. You feel guilty because you slept with her?"

"I guess. It's just weird. You were living with me and I was out... with someone else."

"But we weren't together then. You were free to do what you wanted with who you wanted."

"I know. But I can't help the feeling I get when we're about to get intimate. It feels like... like I cheated on you. I guess it's because I never stopped being in love with you and knowing I was with someone else while you were waiting for me at home makes me feel awful."

"Honey, stop feeling like that. You did nothing wrong."

"It doesn't bother you that I..."

"Well, I'm not excited about it. And that night when you didn't come home, I _was _bothered by it, but I had no right to be.**"**

"This is why I hate feelings. They makes everything so complicated and stupid."

"Not all the time. I love being in love with you."

I smile. "Me too."

She brings my hand between us and kisses it. "So that was it? You didn't want to have sexy times with me because you felt guilty?"

"I_always _want to have sexy times with you. I just didn't want to talk about what I did, but I felt it was necessary to do so before we did anything."

"Let's just start over, okay? Forget about feeling guilty and 'cheating.'"

I smile. "I can do that."

"But next time you feel the need to tell me something, you should tell me. This was so silly. You could have told me a long time ago."

"Yeah," I nod. "I'll speak up next time."

"Good." She scoots impossibly close to me and buries her face in my chest.

I wait a few seconds, expecting a kiss or a touch but none come. "Are we not..."

She giggles and kisses my chest. "Not tonight. But soon."

* * *

Hello, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed the update. I'm not sure if I will continue this story, so I want to apologize in advance if this is the last update. xo


	18. Hurricane Brittany

_They will be back in LA in the next chapter. Do you guys enjoy their interactions with Jax and Adam? Would you like more Quinn and/or Rachel? Let me know!_

* * *

I blow my bangs away from my eyes and pull on my suitcase for the third time in an attempt to bring it up onto my parents' front porch.

After having spent majority of our time at Brittany's house, we decided to spend our last night in Ohio at my parents' house. Well, in reality my mom decided for us. She and my dad showed up at the airport instead of Brittany's parents, so it's not like we had a choice.

I manage to pull my suitcase onto the second step and straighten up to take a break.

"How many things are you carrying in there, mija?" My mom asks. She takes the suitcase's handle and tugs at it. "Dios mio, Santana! This weighs a ton!"

My dad and Brittany walk up behind us and my dad sighs lightly. "Mujeres. You guys are so exaggerated." He steps in to help us but Brittany is quick on her feet.

"I got it," she says and swiftly pulls my suitcase along with her duffle bag inside the house.

My mom silently turns to look at me with an impressed look on her face and I give my dad a smug smile. "She got it."

We spend most of the day cleaning out my room because my mom insists that we follow our old yearly tradition and donate some things to our church. There's a lot of things in my old room that I left behind and will never use again but, well, truth is... I'm kind of a hoarder. But not over the top like those people on TV, just... the normal amount.

"What are you doing?" I ask Brittany after she tosses a pair of high heel boots into the box labeled 'trash'.

"Throwing out old stuff?"

"Not those, Brittany." I rush over to the box and pull the boots out, setting them back in my closet.

"San, they're kinda reaping everywhere. And don't you have like ten more in LA and another four in your suitcase?"

"No. I only have three pairs in my suitcase and four in LA. Well, five as soon as the new Louis Vuitton collection comes out," I smile.

"Santana."

I roll my eyes. "Brittany, I can't throw those away."

"Why?"

"Because," I state and go back to folding shirts.

"Is it because they're the boots you wore to our first high school party?"

I look at her, surprised. "You remember that?"

"Duh. You were wearing them with the red dress you loved so much. I remember because I really liked it too."

"You did?"

She nods. "Yeah. Your lady hills were like, on full display."

"Brittany!"

"What? It's true." She shrugs. "You're the one that chose to wear the dress. And you always wore those push-up bras. Did you expect me to not look?"

"Wha-" I smile. "No. I guess not."

She holds up an old pair of old Christmas socks. "These?"

"Hm.." I examine them from afar. "Yeah, those can go."

She tosses the socks in the box and smiles smugly. "Do you remember what else happened that night?"

"The night of the party?" I lock eyes with her and she nods. "Yes." I grin. "I remember."

"Sometimes I think you wore that outfit on purpose."

I snort. "I didn't. I always look hot. It's not always about you, you know? I don't just dress myself wickedly hot when I want to sleep with you. It's a 24/7 kind of thing."

"Yeah" she nods in agreement. "You wanting to sleep with me is definitely a 24/7 kind of thing."

I hide my smile by pursing my lips and playfully toss a t-shirt at her.

She laughs and tosses the shirt back at my face. "I know you wore that dress with a non-existent top half to tangle me in your sexy web because you never left my side that night. I'm pretty sure your goal that entire day was to sleep with me."

"I honestly have no clue what you're talking about." I tuck the old t-shirts neatly back into their drawer and pick up the box labeled 'donations'. "Let's take this downstairs."

"I know you planned itttt," she sings, "I thought the boobies display might have been normal but I knew everything was a setup when we got back home and you pounced on me in your car like a hungry lioness."

I bite a smile back because she's completely right. "You're crazy. Help me bring down the other box, please." I begin walking down the stairs and hear her coming up behind me.

"Britt!" I yelp when she pinches my butt.

She hurries past me to the bottom of the stairs and looks up with a smirk. "Stop lying."

After we get back from dropping off the "donations", we are welcomed back with the warm smell of my mom's empanadas.

"Your empanadas are just as good as the last time, Mrs. Lopez," Brittany says with a grateful smile.

We're sitting at the dinner table with my parents. They've all finished eating, but as usual, everyone is waiting for me to get done. I always take my time because I heard if you eat slow you are less likely to gain weight. Brittany always told me I was crazy because food is food and it doesn't matter how fast you eat it because you're still going to eat it but I rather not take any chances.

"You know, Brittany, you girls should visit more often. Nicolas stopped complimenting my food a long time ago and it's nice to get a little praise now and then."

"I'd love that," Brittany chirps. She sneaks a hand under the table and squeezes my knee. "That'd be nice, right?"

"Mhm," I nod with a full mouth.

My dad comes back from the kitchen and serves everyone a piece of flan. "I heard what you said, Maribel. It's not completely true. Remember when you made the-"

I don't pay attention to the rest because Brittany's fingers sneak their way towards my inner thigh and I feel my smile fade into a straight line. I turn to look at her with wide eyes and she smiles as she contently listens to my parents.

"Britt..." I say, in a tone that sounds something between a croak and a whisper.

She softly pinches my thigh and forks a piece of flan into her mouth.

"...Santana." my mom calls.

I snap back to look at her. "What?"

"I asked if you're going to eat your flan."

"Oh."

Brittany snickers and casually turns to me to hear me answer as if her hand isn't misbehaving under the table.

"I- No. I'm stuffed. I actually have to make a phone call so- I'm gonna..." I point towards the foyer. "It was delicious though. Thank you, Mami."

Brittany's hand slides off my thigh as I get up and I lower my skirt to hide the red mark she left on my skin.

Once in the foyer, I take a deep breath and make sure my skirt is completely covering my thighs.. My mom - just like Bri - caught us doing suspicious stuff quite a few times during high school and if she saw the mark on my leg it wouldn't take long for her to put it all together.

I pull my phone out and dial Adam's number. It's about to go to voicemail when he answers with a tiresome voice. "Hey."

"Hi. Listen, I was going to wait till I was back in LA to talk to you, but I just want to say this now... I want to apologize. What I said was out of line. You are my brother and Jax is one of my best friends... I want the two of you to be happy, so if adopting a human stink bomb is what you guys want to do, then I'm behind it one-hundred percent." I shrug. "I want to support you guys like I know the two of you would support me."

"Thanks. Thank you, Santana. I was really hoping you would warm up to the idea," he says in the same tone.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I acted like an ass before. It just took me by surprise."

"As long as you're on board now."

"I am. Completely. And I can't wait to get back home and meet the him. Or is it a she? You didn't tell me."

"It's a she. It- It was a she."  
I frown. "Was? What do you mean?" Pale arms wrap around my midsection and I feel Brittany's chin on my shoulder.

"We're not getting the baby. Not this baby. Her mom was giving her up for adoption and wanted to meet us when she saw our profile but she... She called it off when she found out that we aren't a straight couple."

"Wha- Are you fucking serious?"

"What's going on?" Brittany whispers near my ear.

"Yeah." He sighs. "Jax is taking this a lot harder than I am. He really had his hopes up."

"I can imagine... But is there nothing you can do? Have you talked to her? Maybe once she meets you she'll change her mind."

"I can't force her to meet us. She made her decision. We'll just have to wait a little longer until we find someone else."

"Adam, I'm so sorry. That bitch is crazy for not wanting to give her kid up to you guys. Any baby would be so lucky to have you and Jax as parents. But, hey, we live in California, that should help your chances, right?"

"Yeah. Hope you're right."

"I am. I always am."

He chuckles. "Thank you for calling, Santana. I really didn't want to go through this without you."

"I'm sorry I even questioned your decision."

After I end my call with Adam I let Brittany in on the news.

"Britt?" I question when she doesn't have anything to say. "You okay?"

She stops biting on her nails but keeps her eyes down. "Yeah. I'm- What if that happens to us too?"

"What?"

"What if we try to adopt and no one wants to give us a baby because we're girls?"

I hear my parents cleaning up the dining room which means they'll be moving to the living room soon, so I take Brittany's hand and pull her up the stairs to my room. I don't need to have a conversation about babies with my parents too.

Once I close the door behind me, I lead her to my bed and sit on the edge next to her. "Britt, we can't be naive and think that something like that won't happen to us because there's a chance it will. But... we'll get through it just like Adam and Jax will get through it. There's people out there that won't care that we're two will only care that their baby gets a good family. That's what really matters right?"

She nods.

"Plus, I thought you wanted to, like... have a baby. As in pushing a watermelon sized human out of a tiny cavity in your body. Which I still don't understand why you would ever want to do that but..."

"I do." She smiles. "But there's so many babies with no families to love them. Can't we have both?"

My eyebrows shoot up. "Whoa. Okay. Let's- let's slow down. Maybe we should just think about one right now, okay? Actually let's not think about any babies right now."

"But we're still having some, right?"

The fact that she seems to be set on the idea of raising kids with me after being back together for just a few weeks makes me both happy and scared.

"Sure. Maybe... I-"

She frowns.

"I mean, yes! We could. We will. But can we just not talk about it right now? Let's just worry about Adam and Jax for now, kay?"

"Yeah," she says, sadly. "I really hope they find a cute baby soon."

"They will," I say and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

She grips my hand and presses her cheek into it. "I missed this. I missed feeling your warm little hands on me."

I chuckle. "I missed it too."

"You know, imagining you with a baby kinda turns me on."

"Really? That's... kinda weird, Britt. I don't think I want you to think of me and a baby when you wanna get it on."

She giggles and holds my hand on her lap. "Well, the idea of you being nice and kind to a baby is cute and makes me love you even more. And when I feel my heart swell with love for you more than usual it makes me want to be close to you... like... really close to you."

My smile widens. "Like this close?" I ask and lean towards her until the tip of our noses are smashed together.

She laughs and pecks my lips before jumping off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I ask her playfully.

She moves to the door and locks it, then turns back to me with a wicked smile and hurries back to my bed to settle behind me. "I'm kinda glad we haven't made lady-love yet," she says before moving my hair and kissing my bare shoulder.

I shudder. "Why?"

She lays a soft kiss on my neck and says, "because now we get to do it here... in your room." She kisses below my ear. "It's romantic cause it's where we did it for the first time." She tugs on my blouse and kisses the new exposed skin. "C'mere," she whispers and pulls me down with her until I'm laying on top of her perfect body. She holds my bottom lip between her own and inhales deeply through her nose. There's a soft smacking sound when she let's go of me.

"Should I go look for some candles? I think I have some in-"

"No, I don't need candles. I just need you." She rolls us over until I'm lying beneath her and moves stray strands of hair away from my face before her gaze dips down to my lips.

"Just do it." I say, a little frustrated. "Why do you always have to tease me until I kiss you?"

She looks at me and gives me a lopsided grin before leaning down and kissing my nose. "I like it when you kiss me," she says.

"And I like when you kiss me."

She lays a pouty peck on my lips.

"How about an actual kiss?" I tease.

Her lips stretch into a smile that disappears when she lays her ear against my chest. "Your heart is so calm."

I can feel the vibrations of her voice run through my chest and it makes me get chills down my entire body. "That's good, right?" I ask as I run my hands through her beautiful blonde hair.

"Sometimes it is." She turns her head towards me and I wince when her chin digs into my sternum. "Sorry," she says with a cute apologetic face. She kisses the spot and I watch her as she slowly begins a trail of slow kisses down the valley of my breasts and onto my stomach.

She repositions herself beside my legs and lifts my blouse until it reaches the underwires of my bra. There isn't much skin exposed because my pencil skirt is high up on my waist but she leans down and kisses the area available. Her breath is so warm on my skin and her tongue is even warmer. It's hot. Definitely hot.

She looks up at me and her eyes have changed. It's a look I haven't seen in a while but that I definitely recognize.

"Britt." I manage to say before she slips her thin fingers under the waistband of my skirt and begins to tug.

"Help me," she says as she struggles to slither me out of the tight skirt. "Wiggle out of it," she orders kindly.

I help her pull my skirt down and giggle when she tugs at it with desperation. When she finally pulls it off completely she lets it land on the floor and roams her eyes up my legs, briefly stopping at my panties and causing me to blush.

"You're staring," I say in what I hope to be a flirty tone.

She gives me a toothy grin and gently pulls my legs open so that she can lay between them. Her stomach grazes the clothed area between my legs as she drags herself upwards and my legs automatically clench at her sides. "Aren't you going to take your jeans off?" I ask, and I feel my breath has gotten a lot hotter.

Brittany doesn't answer and places her hands at either side of my bare waist; now free to roam my entire stomach with her lips.

I prop myself up on my elbows and watch how she pulls the waistband of my panties down an inch with her teeth and places a kiss on the tan line there. Her tongue dart out and it makes me inhale sharply. The hot, wet, muscle travels up to my navel and then retrieves back inside her mouth.

The feeling is so incredible and watching her do her thing enhances it so much more. It enhances it so much that I begin to feel a change between my legs.

"A- A lot of licking action," I muster with a windy chuckle. "Should I get you some whip cream?" I'm trying to be funny. Why am I trying to be funny right now?

Brittany looks up at me and smiles sweetly. "Don't be nervous."

I nod and begin to lay my head back down to relax my pulse and just enjoy what's happening, but Brittany pulls on my arm and signals for me to sit up. When I do, she removes my shirt and reaches behind my back to unclasp my bra.

For some reason I'm fighting the urge to cover myself with my arms. I feel extremely exposed. And having her still fully dressed doesn't help. But I shouldn't feel this way. It's Brittany in front of me. It's Brittany looking down at me with soft yet hungry eyes.  
She seems to notice my internal struggle because she stops leering at my chest and locks eyes with me. "It's okay," she says in a kind tone. "Do you want to stop?"

"No, no. I- It's just... It's been a while."

"I know." Her eyes lose their intensity for a moment and become softer. "You're still so beautiful."

She waits until I give her a shy smile and then lays her head back down on my chest the way she had it earlier. After a few seconds, she speaks, "Your heart isn't calm anymore." She looks at me. "See? Sometimes it's good when your heart isn't quiet and calm."

I stare at her for a moment. Her whole face expression is changing back to that eager look from earlier and it makes me feel excited yet ten times more nervous.

I'm starting to think I hadn't been in a rush to sleep with her not only because of the whole Natalie thing but also because... well... I was scared. It's been a long time since we've been together and it feels like it's the first time all over again. But not really, because when she sits up and slips both her shirt and bra off, I see that her small pale breasts are as perfect as I remember them. They're as perfect as they've always been and I can't help but reach out and take hold of one of them like I did every time we did this years ago.

Her back arches a little and she lays a hand over my own, applying pressure on my hand. I feel her nipple harden beneath my palm and the muscles under my panties clench.

Feeling her body react this way to my touch reassures me. I really don't have anything to be scared of. She still wants me as much as I want her.

She lays back down between my legs and smiles when she feels my wetness against her stomach. "Looks like it rained down in your Lady Wonderland," she says. I blush and attempt to hide it by kissing her fiercely. It's true. My "Lady Wonderland" is at a code red right now which means I need more than kisses and tongue action.

Brittany seems to still remember all my signs because while she wrestles my tongue with her own she slides a hand down the length of my thigh and pushes my leg flat against the mattress. She swings a leg over my own and straddles my bare leg.

"Britt..." I say through a muffled kiss. I break away from our wet kisses and she instantly moves down to suck on my neck. "Brittany," I repeat.

She begins moving up and down on my leg and the roughness of her jeans is a relief on my center. Her breasts are pressed down on my own and the feeling of her body moving over mine turns me on even more. The friction against my hardened nipples is not enough anymore though. I need more. I need to feel and see her entire being. I need her.

Brittany picks up the pace on my leg and her breathing by my neck gets heavier. I know she wants to take her time, but she needs more too. I know she does.

"Britt..." I grip her shoulders. "Take your jeans off."  
She hurriedly sits up to unzip her jeans. I notice a small dark spot on the leg of her jeans and look away embarrassed. She doesn't seem to notice though. She pulls her panties down along with the underwear which surprises me because I thought she wanted to take this slow.

As if reading my mind she says, "I can't wait anymore."

I smile and nod in agreement because I can't wait anymore either. She finishes undressing and doesn't give me a chance to admire her body because she bends down and lays a trail of soft kisses down the inside of my thigh until she gets to my middle. She kisses me over my sticky panties and I feel my muscles tense beneath the cloth.

Her face gets lost low between my legs and then comes up along with her tongue, making me tightly grip the duvet.

"I really don't need whip cream," she comments.

I suppress a laugh and watch as she kisses me one last time before slowly pulling down my underwear and throwing them over her shoulder. She stares at my center for a moment and I begin to feel the my uncertainty creep up again. Her stare makes me wonder if I've changed down there in some way since the last time.

I reach down to touch myself - or maybe cover myself - but she quickly grips my hand and shakes her head.

She sits on her bent knees and pulls me up by the waist until my knees are also bent and I'm somewhat sitting on her thighs. "You're so, so beautiful," she whispers as if she knew I had worried about my appearance a second ago. She drags a hand down my stomach. "And I love you so much." She reaches my wetness and slides her fingers along the length of it causing me to tightly wrap my arms around her neck. I close my eyes and focus on the soft fingers caressing me and the soft sucking motions on my left nipple.

She kisses my sternum and I open my eyes to find her dark blue irises staring up at me. I lean down to capture her lips in a sweet kiss and gasp against her mouth when I feel her fingers sneak inside me. She pulls them out and then pushes them back in, forcing me to jolt off her thighs and onto my shins. I lay my temple against hers, but she pulls her head back and presses her forehead against mine.

"Santana," she calls as she continues the rhythm between my legs. I recognize that tone. She wants me to look at her. She wants us to connect at all levels. As always, she doesn't want this to be just sex. Neither do I.

I fully open my hooded eyes and lean back to look at her. She smiles and as a reward pushes her fingers deeper than before. I make a high pitch sound and begin a rhythm of my on her fingers. I feel the build up inside me growing and fight the urge to press my body against hers and burry my head in her shoulder.

"Fa. ," I beg in an uneven tone.

Brittany grips my waist tightly and speeds up the movements of her fingers. She adds her thumb to the mix and begins massaging my most sensible area.

I throw my head back and begin moving faster against her hand. I'm making noises I haven't made in years and building up like never before. I feel Brittany's wet tongue on my chest again and I gasp loudly. I pull her towards me and hug her fiercely as the lower half of my body makes wave like movements against her.

"I love you," she whispers between kisses to my chest.

I remain pressed against her, trying to form words and tell her I love her back, but I can't hear myself over the pounding in my ears as my blood pressure goes back to normal.

She chuckles at my incoherence and holds me tight. "I love you, Britt," she says in her best impression of me.

I giggle against her neck and pull back to kiss her. "I love you."

"I know." She smiles.

I kiss her one more time before slipping off her thighs and directing her to lie down. When she does, I finally get to scan her body and smile when I see some very well done natural art work on her mons pubis. "It's a heart," I think outloud.

"I thought you'd like it." Her ears are pink now. "I practiced for a while to get it right."

I snigger at her sudden bashfulness. "Nice work." I kiss her mound. "Very artistic."

It's my turn to lay between her legs now. I know I won't have to do much foreplay by now, but I don't want to rush it. I kiss her lips, her neck, her shoulder. She lays an arm over my back and I take the opportunity to kiss the area near her armpit where her arm meets her chest, causing her to let out a tiny moan.

I kiss down over her right breast and work my mouth on her nipple, remembering how she likes me to be gentle on that area. I cup her other breast with my hand and massage it as she begins moving her pelvis against me. "I love your breasts," I mumble. Her "art" tickles my leg and I smile when she places her hands on my shoulders and gives me an encouraging push downwards. "San."

I let go of her pink flesh with a wet popping sound and slowly run my tongue down her long and lean stomach, making her abs contract. I look up at her and she's staring at me expectantly. I move my index finger down the outside of her center and watch as she gasps. Her legs bend at the knee and she wordlessly lets me know she's ready for more as she spreads her legs open a little wider. I look down between her legs and notice that she's definitely ready.

Brittany pushes her hips upwards. "Santana."

I dip down between her pale thighs and dart my tongue out teasingly. Her hips jut upwards again and she lets out a moan - or maybe a whine - I run my tongue slowly up the length of her wetness and she fights against herself not to capture my head between her thighs.

"Santana." This time it's definitely a whine.

I stroke her moisture one more time and then carefully push two fingers inside of her. Her hips press hard against the mattress and her brow furrows as she looks down at my hand.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

She nods. "I- I need..."

"Okay." I know what she needs. I bring my fingers back out and push them back in, starting a controlled rhythm.

"Sa..s..san," she tries calling.

I thrust my fingers in deeper and pick up the pace. Brittany flops her head back down onto the pillow and lays an arm across her mouth to keep herself from being loud. I smile at the gesture because it was a normality almost every time we had sex in this room.

I see her squeeze her eyes shut but then she snaps them open and looks up at me.

She just reminded herself about her eye contact rule.

I smirk at her and lower my head to kiss her mound. She let's out a muffled whimper and quickly slaps a hand over her mouth.

She has already started moving against my hand, trying to match my movements, so I bend down again and suck on the swollen nub that's begging for attention. She moans against her hand and raises her pelvis up holding it against my mouth. I slow the movements of my fingers but don't stop until her hips slowly lower back down.

I look up at her and find that her hand is still over her mouth and her eyes are closed. "Britt?" I slip my fingers out from her and lay down next to her. "Are you okay?"

She removes her hand from her mouth. "I waited so long for this." She opens her eyes. "Years."

"Did I disappoint?"

"No," she quickly answers. "I just- I was always sure we'd find our way back to each other... We always do. But there was a time when I thought I might have been wrong."

"You mean because of your pregnancy?"

"That and Liam. And just... other stuff. When we started spending time together, I thought maybe the only thing we were ever going to be again was friends." She looks at me. "But now that we're actually together again... It's kind of crazy..." She grins. "You were so great though. As always."

"Thank you," I chirp. "You weren't so bad yourself." I lean down and kiss her.

"Here." She pulls on the not so neatly done duvet and throws it over us. "You know how I said that it had rained on your Lady Wonderland?" She starts as she curls behind me, holding me close against her.

I chuckle. "Yeah?"

"Well, since I caused it, I think I should be given like, a hurricane name. Like Hurricane Brittany. That hasn't been an actual hurricane yet right?"

"I don't think so," I answer, laughing. "But it has now."

"Britt," I whisper near her ear. "Wake up."

Brittany pulls the covers over herself and shakes her head.

"C'mon, Britt. My mom made breakfast. I can smell it." I tug the blanket off her face. "Brittany."

"Ten more minutes," she mumbles.

"Five. No more than five minutes." After I pull on some clean clothes, I kneel by her side of the bed. "Don't take long okay? Remember that we have to go get Tubbs."

She nods once and I kiss her lips before walking out the room and down the stairs. "Mami! Did I ever tell you your food is the best smell to wake up to?" I round into the kitchen and halt at the entrance. "Oh... Hi."

"Good morning, Santana," my grandmother greets from her seat at the table.

"Santana, Abuela came by to have breakfast with us before you leave." My mom says and waits for my reaction.

"Oh," I repeat as I serve myself and Brittany some breakfast. "Where's Dad?"

"He had to make a run to his office but he'll be back in time to drive you girls to the airport."

I join the two of them at the table and awkwardly pick at my food. When I look up, my grandmother speaks.

"Did you have fun in New York?" She asks casually.

"Um... Yeah." I nod. "It was great."

"I never told you, but that's where I met your Abuelo."

"Really?" I ask, surprised. My grandma never talks about my Abuelo. He died before I was born and all I know about him is that he was Dominican like her and he died of heart failure.

She nods. "When I left my country, I moved in with my aunt in New York for a while. Your Abuelo lived next door with his cousin and I hated them because they would sing and play the guitar almost every night." She pauses and the corner of her mouth twitches upwards. "One night, I got so fed up that I went over there, in my nightgown and all, and told them to keep it down or else." This time she chuckles. "Your Abuelo laughed and pulled me inside. He yanked the guitar from his cousin and played the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. Nothing compared to those awful sounds his cousin made. After he was finished, I didn't know what to say, but he had a huge smile on his face and he told me, 'If you can't beat them, join them. Same time tomorrow.'"

"Did you go back?" I ask with curiosity.

"Yes. I did for some reason. We began dating a few weeks after... I guess sometimes you end up falling in love with the person you least expect."

"I wish you had told me that story before. It's nice to know something about Abuelo."

My grandmother smiles at me but she quickly becomes serious when there's a shy 'hi' coming from the doorway.

"Britt." Unlike my grandmother, I feel my face light up when I see her standing by the door, her hands gripping her sweater nervously at her sides.

I wave her over and signal to the seat next to me. "I served you breakfast," I inform her once she's sitting down.

"Thank you," she smiles and keeps her eyes down as she digs in quietly.

"Santana," my grandmother calls. Her voice back to being heavy and serious. "Tell me more about your job."

"Um..." I say. She caught me off guard. It's surprising how interested in me she seems today. "I work in a record company. I assist with the editing of music."

"She just got a promotion not too long ago," my mom adds proudly.

My grandmother takes a sip of her coffee. "That doesn't surprise me. Santana is a natural born leader. Which is why I wonder why you're assisting and not directing other people."

"Well, I can't start at the top. I'm working my way up. I hope to be a music producer. They work with musicians on making their albums and supervise the development of their music."

"Does it pay well?"

"Yes, extremely."

"That's good. All the money your mother had to pay for your education should pay off."

I'm starting to dislike the way she's speaking to me now; as if I need to meet her expectations, so I decide to drop the conversation.

"Mami, guess who's going to be making movies when we get back to LA?"

My mom's eyes go wide and she looks at Brittany. "Really?" She asks with excitement. "Are you going to quit dancing?"

"Oh..." Brittany finishes chewing her food. "No, I'm not quitting. I'm not really making a movie. I'm just going to help out on a set."

"Yeah, as in help make a movie," I clarify.

"That's sounds like a lot of fun, Brittany! Be sure to let me know when your movie comes out. I'd love to see it."

Brittany smiles appreciatively. "I will."

"Cuanto paga eso?" My grandmother asks.

Brittany gives me a worried look mixed with confusion.

"Please speak English," I tell her.

"Eso es lo que pasa cuando no tienes una educacion," she says almost angrily. "Tienes que trabajar mil trabajos."

"She's not doing it for the money," I explain, trying to keep my cool.

"Santana, no se que estas haciendo con ella. Aparte de que es una mujer y lo que estan haciendo es un _pecado_, no sabe lo que quiere. Estas perdiendo tu tiempo."

I slam my fist against the tabletop and they all recoil in their seats.

"Speak English! It's rude to speak Spanish in front of someone who doesn't understand it. _You_ taught me that! And you just finished telling me you can't choose who you fall in love with. The same happened to you and Abuelo. Why would you-"

"Don't you dare compare me and Santiago to you and this girl! We were not a sin! And you might think this is okay because your parents don't seem to care, but I will _never_ be okay with it. I will never accept this!"

I stare at my grandmother with disbelief and anger, my teeth tightly clenched together. "It's a good thing I stopped yearning for your approval a long time ago." I take Brittany's hand and get up to leave. "Where are your car keys?" I ask my mom.

"Santana, let's talk about this."

"Mom!"

She sighs sadly. "Hanging by the door."

"We'll be back in time for Dad to take us to the airport."

We walk to the front door and I snatch the keys off their hook.

"Santana, we shouldn't leave. You should talk to her," Brittany suggests.

I pretend not to hear her and take my jacket from the coat hanger. "Here." I say, holding it so that she can slip her arms through it.

She shakes her head. "You wear it."

"Brittany, please," I beg before helping her put it on.

When we drive up to her parents' driveway, I take a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Brittany. I'm sorry we still have to deal with this."

"It's okay. It's not your fault." She slips a comforting hand over my own. "And it was mostly all in Spanish, so I didn't really understand."

"I won't ever let her near you again, okay?"

"San, she's your grandmother. You can't keep her away."

"I can. I will, Britt. I'm done trying with her. I don't care how many people I need to cut ties with so that you don't have to witness or hear anything like that again... I love you. And you'd do the same for me, I know you would."

She squeezes my hand and leans in to return my affection with a gentle kiss.

When we get inside we join the Pierces in their weekly waffle Sunday breakfast and Mr. Pierce quietly slips me an extra waffle when he notices I'm not in the best of moods. After we're done eating we go find Lord Tubbington.

"He's being doing better," Jamie informs us when we find him on top of Brittany's bed. "He still doesn't do much but he started eating more."

"See, Britt? I told you he loved food way too much to stay away from it."

Brittany smiles at me and lowers the cat into the carrier. "Do you think he'll be okay? It's kind of a long flight."

"He'll be fine. Plus, I'm sure he'll enjoy the new cushion I bought him."

"He will," she says gratefully and pulls me in for a kiss.

"Really?" Jamie asks incredulously.

I laugh against Brittany's mouth and pull away to bring Jamie in for a group hug.

After we say our goodbyes to Brittany's family we drive back to my parents' and quickly carry our luggage out to my dad's car.

"I heard what happened with Abuela," my dad comments when we're on our way to the airport.

"Dad, please. If you're going to tell me how wrong I was to speak to her that way and blah blah blah then you should just save it."

He gives me a stern look through the rearview mirror, not amused by the way I responded to him.

"Sorry," I murmur.

"I wasn't going to tell you that. I was actually going to let you know that even though I'm not happy that you guys screamed at each other that way, I understand why you said what you said to her and she was wrong to tell you those things about..." He looks back through the mirror and flicks his eyes between me and Brittany.

Brittany frowns a bit and turns to look out the window.

"Anyways," he says, "you did what you had to do."

"Wow... Dad. I never thought you'd turn against her for me."

"I'm not. I'm not against anyone. But I know what it's like to be in love and... when you're in love you need to protect that person."

I turn to look at Brittany who is still facing the window. "Yeah you do," I say and slip my hand into Brittany's. She turns to look at me with gloomy eyes and I kiss her hand before resting my head down on her shoulder.

* * *

_Spanish_ to English

_Cuanto pago eso?_ - How much does that pay?

_Eso es lo que pasa cuando no tienes una educacion._ - That's what happens when you don't have an educacion.

_Tienes que trabajar mil trabajos_. - You have to work a thousand jobs.

_Santana, no se que estas haciendo con ella. Aparte de que es una mujer y lo que estan haciendo es un pecado, no sabe lo que quiere. Estas perdiendo tu tiempo_. - Santana, I don't know what you are doing with her. Not only is she a woman and what you are doing is a sin, but she also doesn't know what she wants. You're wasting your time.


	19. Author's Note

Hello, everyone!

I've decided to end this fic here since the girls will be starting their lives together in LA now, so I think it's a good spot to start a new story.

The new fic will follow them as they meet and overcome "real world" problems together. I know how I'm going to end this story and I'm working on the outline of it as a whole, so I'm open to suggestions as to what you guys would like to see from them.

I get enjoyment from writing these stories, but foremost, I want the readers to enjoy it. That's why I would like to hear your suggestions.

Please don't feel bad if you suggest something and I end up not writing it in. Even if I think you're idea is really good, I can only write things that will work with what I already have in mind.

So, the new story will be posted in my stories list. I wish you all enjoy it and I hope to hear more from all of you in the comments section! (Even if it's a "I liked this chapter" Believe it or not that helps me a lot!)


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